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Is irrational fear truly a realistic fear for some of us?


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Everything is going downhill. I feel I have no one to vent to or listen to my concerns. I'm worried about my job and come November scareed my lease for my apartment might not being renewed or the rent being jacked up (it took me almost 2 years to find this beautiful place). The rental/housing  market is in crises esp in my state. I'm scared everyday my life is falling apart with more hardships the more I try to better myself. Sometimes I dont think anything is meant to be.

I see my Lyme doc again in about a month and that's more $$$ to shell out. My quality of life is going down the drain. I'm tired of hearing "just bumps in the road" well for some of us it's more than that, nothing gets better. It's always 1 step forward 5 back. I never thought in my wildest dreams at 38 I'd be struggling this much. I could very well live till I'm in my 90s but it won't be quality.

Regarding a post I did yesterday I did an analogy of how people in my life get through these bumps and dead end roads, I never do. It's 100x harder when you're chronically ill (not just suffering from psych drug WD). All of my healthcare is out of pocket and even then these rare specialists cannot fix me. 

All I wanted was a better life. All I wanted was stability. If I could have seen at least 50% healing I'd say ok its getting worth it, I'm going in the right direction I can do this.... but it's not happening. I'm worse everyday. Unfortunately (yup I said the word unfortunately I'm going to say this and my family hears it) Unfortunately this won't kill me. This will unfortunately keep me alive in more mental, physical and financial pain for the rest of my life. 

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Hi Sunflower, as I read all of your posts, I can see how badly you are feeling, and not seeing any improvement, but please hang on, because I have also seen here at BB, many with the same problems or different, get better. Now is it easy, not all, this is the hardest thing we probably will go through, but it is worth it in the end and those that were as bad as you feel, are now healed and enjoying life again. Please never give up on healing and having a normal life again. Try to distract in ways that make you focus on something other than how badly you feel, and will make you laugh or lift your heart. I know that you are strong, much stronger than you think. You can get through this, and will one day tell your story to others to lift them up. Stay Strong. 💖 Peace and Healing.

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Sorry I'm not like everyone else. I have schizophrenic symptoms now and voices for months telling me nothing I do or good enough. I can't live a happy life without control. I'm living vicariously through other ppl  watching their happy moments,   I have zero. I feel so sick. It's never ending. I promise you this is my life moving forward. Loss after loss after loss.

 

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3 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Sorry I'm not like everyone else. I have schizophrenic symptoms now and voices for months telling me nothing I do or good enough. I can't live a happy life without control. I'm living vicariously through other ppl  watching their happy moments,   I have zero. I feel so sick. It's never ending. I promise you this is my life moving forward. Loss after loss after loss.

I am sorry, but life is funny, when we are at our lowest....things take a turn for the better. I am still pulling for you to feel better. Hang in there.:hug:

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Horrible start to the day. Had an eye appt that ran late then realized when leaving I locked my keys in the car. I tried calling AAA for assistance but my phone died, thankfully I had my charger. I sat in the hallway on the floor while my phone charged getting odd looks since no outlets were in the waiting room, nice. I hadn't eaten nor had coffee and I was shaking. By the time I got my keys recovered I had a full blown migraine. Once I got to work I took meds, downed water, coffee and early lunch. I was still sweating with chills and extremely nauseous.

I just want relief.

 

 

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7 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

Horrible start to the day. Had an eye appt that ran late then realized when leaving I locked my keys in the car. I tried calling AAA for assistance but my phone died, thankfully I had my charger. I sat in the hallway on the floor while my phone charged getting odd looks since no outlets were in the waiting room, nice. I hadn't eaten nor had coffee and I was shaking. By the time I got my keys recovered I had a full blown migraine. Once I got to work I took meds, downed water, coffee and early lunch. I was still sweating with chills and extremely nauseous.

I just want relief.

What a morning, but you got through it and I know it was stressful. I did the same thing once, but I left my car running and phone in car, but I finally got help and did not use up all of my gas.

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It sucks huh? Been there done that so much.

I leave for vacation this evening after work. I feel I just won't be able to enjoy it. I'm so anxiety riddled and sick. I'm not the same person I was 5 yrs ago. Everything is looked at on a different lense. Healing is supposed to be a good thing for people, makes them a better person physically and emotionally. The exact opposite happened and this is apparently ok? Time heals? Time is making me worse. I'm not coming out of this. This is NOT ok.

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Yes life is hard, but you are stronger than you think. I hope that you enjoy your vacation, why not just leave everything behind, and focus on being one with your surroundings and let the day carry you and find some peace. When I am feeling really bad, I tell myself..."OK I feel horrible, but I am not wasting my day on thinking how badly I feel, it will get better, and I will just chill and not let it get me down." You have reserves that you have not touched yet, you are going to be OK, maybe not as soon as you want, but you will get through this. What was key for me was thinking I could and would heal, and not buying into the benzo >:D lies. 💖 Peace and Healing.

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Its not benzo lies anymore for me, it's real situational stuff that won't go away. It follows me on vacation too. I don't get a break. Ever. I'm gonna need a wig by Christmas so much of my hair is falling out.

No I'm not strong been told by many I'm weak. I don't like "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"  saying. For some it doesn't and my former therapist hated that saying too. Some ppl don't make it out on the other side okay. They're  permanently scarred, lost and ill.

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1 hour ago, [[S...] said:

Its not benzo lies anymore for me, it's real situational stuff that won't go away. It follows me on vacation too. I don't get a break. Ever. I'm gonna need a wig by Christmas so much of my hair is falling out.

No I'm not strong been told by many I'm weak. I don't like "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"  saying. For some it doesn't and my former therapist hated that saying too. Some ppl don't make it out on the other side okay. They're  permanently scarred, lost and ill.

OK, you have a right to your beliefs, but I know, and others here know what you are going through, and they got through, so can you. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, many here including myself care for you and know that you are struggling. I believe that you will one day feel better, I wish you could believe it too. I wish only the best for you and much healing.

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Unfortunately I have other  health conditions too. So no, healing isn't possible. I was already told I was a burden to many ppl and a waste of a life.

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Hi @[Su...] i dont believe @[re...] was being insulting towards your post, I believe he/she just wanted you get you additional support. I am so sorry you are struggling.

 

You are not a waste of life or a burden, although I am sure many of us on this website feel this way at times when we are suffering. I speak for myself at my bad moments, I do feel like a burden to my family. I have been reading endless posts from years ago to recent ones and some people really do struggle hard and wake up one day and feel much better. I understand you may be going through other health issues and I am hoping you get better, or at least feel better. I wish there was more I can do or say but I will pray for you and your wellbeing. 

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Don't worry about me. Prayers don't work anymore. I've had insults almost my whole life and always compared. Sadly I'm used to it. Sometimes some people have to suffer for others to be well. Well, I was chosen for that.

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I don't know if your religious and I don't mean to offend you but prayers do in fact work. May not always be when we want it but it always works out. 

You reminded me of my brother who has dealt with some really tough times. He was bullied his whole life, treated very poorly by our father and many other family members/ "friends". He was always compared to others his age. He was told he should kill himself, that he was useless, and a waste of life.. it was just sad. Someone even told him they wished he was in one of the towers on 9/11. People are so cruel. 

Please remember everyone has struggles in life. Some more than others. 

I saw your lease is up soon. Is moving an option you may consider? Maybe start a "new" life with different people who won't put you down & add to your suffering? You may feel too crummy to be out making new friends right now but maybe meeting people online for a distraction. Instead of dwelling on the worst, can you try and find some positive aspects in life? I know it's easy to see the worst when we are feeling the worst but try and change your mind set. Glass half full not empty. 

I really hope you feel better. 

 

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@[Su...] Who said I didn't like your posts? I just said that the only support you're likely to find on this forum is for benzo-withdrawal. You are trying to withdraw from benzos, aren't you? So fine. Stay here for that support. But the other issues you've mentioned, the lyme disease and the schizophrenia? You're not going to get much in the way of good advice about those things on this forum. Maybe some, but not much. So it seems to me you might also benefit from the kind of support you can find on other websites, while at the same time staying here for benzo-withdrawal support.

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Redeven,

The Lyme ppl were crazy and gave me no hope and lectured me that everything I did was wrong in treatment. I stay away from those ppl.

 

 

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@[Su...] I have other health problems that I'm dealing with, but I didn't come to this forum for help with those issues. I came here for help with benzo withdrawal, and I stayed to help others with their benzo withdrawal. If I wanted advice about other health issues, I'd find other online forums for those issues. It just seems like common sense, to me. That's all I'm saying. Good luck, buddy. :thumbsup:

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I'll do what I want to do. I have a hefty hx with psych drugs, it is relevant . I was given hell on Lyme boards for protocols that my docs gave me. Nothing I did was right in their eyes. I got very bad advice. I don't go into them anymore. I know, I lack sense very much, im reminded daily

Goodluck too, buddy.

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2 hours ago, [[r...] said:

@[Su...] You know, I have two aortic aneurysms and three leaky heart valves and lots of problems I'm dealing with from those things. But I don't come to this particular forum for help with those particular issues. I came here originally for help with my benzo-withdrawal. I'm still here almost 12 years later to help others with their benzo-withdrawal. If I wanted advice about aortic aneurysms and regurgitation and edema and thoracic congestion so severe that it wakes me in the middle of the night in a panic because I'm suffocating, I would find another online forum for that issue. Just seems like common sense to me. That's all I'm saying, and all I'm going to say. Good luck to you, buddy. :thumbsup:

My thoughts and prayers are with you Evan always.

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