I was prescribed to xanax for 14 years. i am struggling and crying for help. i want to function. i have been off of it for 10 months and i cant work like a normal person.

[[js...]]

I was prescribed to xanax for 14 years. i am struggling and crying for help. i want to function. i have been off of it for 10 months and i cant work like a normal person. I have extreme social anxiety and just overwhelming anxiety in general. i was pescribed to xanax for 14 years. im only 32.  i have been off of it for 10 months and i cannot function at my 3rd shift night audit job. This is my first job since i quit xanax and guests have noticed my physical symptoms and want to pray for me. it is embarrassing. I have to film myself locking my doors because my OCD is so bad. I need Professional help. friend even. i don't know what to do anymore.

[[ma...]]

 

Hi  @Jshaffer Welcome to Benzobuddies

 

I'm glad you joined the forum.  I am so sorry you’re having a tough time at 10 months out, this is not unusual, It can take quite a while for symptoms to go.  Withdrawal from benzos is so unfair, the only way out is through.  You’ve come to a great place for support, you’ll find lots of valuable information here. The symptoms can be relentless but try to remind yourself, ”they are temporary”  You will recover from this ordeal, it’s just a matter of time

Reading The Ashton Manua gave me the reassurance I needed to get me through this.  This manual gives us a better understanding on why you feel the way you do. Chapter III lists symptoms with explanations  http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htm# 

The Ashton manual

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/

Withdrawal Support

https://benzobuddies.org/forum/121-withdrawal-recovery-support/

Magrita

[[js...]]

I've went through the withdrawal process before, but i didn't think it would get worse at 10 months. i was prescribed to this because my house got hit by a tornado/had a tough breakup with a girlfriend in high school. this was 2009 when i was prescribed. now that i have stopped. (3 day taper forced by my doctor because i ran out the month before and seemed like a liability) i cant go anywhere. i can not go to the store. i go out with my girlfriend. i cant spend time with my stepson in public. i cant do anything. this didn't just start during my 3 day taper. On and off since 2011. It is a rollercoaster with benzos. you all know. there are trials and tribulatons every month.  i have lost everything. i want to live and work and be normal.

[[js...]]

i did the ashon manuel. i did all that under doctors care. it isn't about xanax.

 

[[ma...]]

48 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

I've went through the withdrawal process before, but i didn't think it would get worse at 10 months. i was prescribed to this because my house got hit by a tornado/had a tough breakup with a girlfriend in high school. this was 2009 when i was prescribed. now that i have stopped. (3 day taper forced by my doctor because i ran out the month before and seemed like a liability) i cant go anywhere. i can not go to the store. i go out with my girlfriend. i cant spend time with my stepson in public. i cant do anything. this didn't just start during my 3 day taper. On and off since 2011. It is a rollercoaster with benzos. you all know. there are trials and tribulatons every month.  i have lost everything. i want to live and work and be normal.

Hi @[js...]Thanks for sharing, I am sorry you went through such a lot and that you are still struggling!  Many of us had suffered losses when we arrived here, friends, financial losses. I had to give up my job I couldn't function and I almost lost my home.  Like you I couldn't go out, i was bedridden for a while and agoraphobic.  At 12/14 months off, i was beginning to give up hope...at 18 months I was feeling great, I did a lot of recovering in a few months.

Keep positive, it will change, i can't say when that will be but I belive you will recover eventually.

Magrita

 

[[or...]]

@[js...] I cold turkeyed Xanax (took it for years for anxiety, but the dose kept creeping up) and it took me 6 months to stop feeling absolutely awful, and another 6 before I was able to work, drive, socialize again. So I think what you're feeling is not unusual. Horrible, but not unusual. It's a bummer that you have to go to work feeling so bad, but believe me, this will pass. Recovery is not linear -- somedays you will feel worse than others, but you will gradually feel better. 

Best to you,

Katz

[[ro...]]

I am at almost 14 months off after a forced 7 day taper by a dr. I feel the same. Feel like I’ve lost my mind. Just lost my job that I have been holding onto barely since the CT. I can’t even call what I am experiencing anxiety because it is non stop 24-7 every single day. I keep trying to solve it, thinking my life is all wrong, maybe if I make changes I’ll be able to get out of bed and not feel crippled with terror all day. Anything that could help I constantly rack my brain about. But I’ve found nothing. I’m literally at the point where I’m just waiting it out. Trying to eat healthy and survive each day. That’s literally all I can do. 
I feel where you are at my friend. I’m sorry you and I are going through this hell. 

Edited September 11, 2023 by [ro...]

[[js...]]

On 10/09/2023 at 13:11, [[m...] said:

Hi @[js...]Thanks for sharing, I am sorry you went through such a lot and that you are still struggling!  Many of us had suffered losses when we arrived here, friends, financial losses. I had to give up my job I couldn't function and I almost lost my home.  Like you I couldn't go out, i was bedridden for a while and agoraphobic.  At 12/14 months off, i was beginning to give up hope...at 18 months I was feeling great, I did a lot of recovering in a few months.

Keep positive, it will change, i can't say when that will be but I belive you will recover eventually.

Magrita

Thank you 🙏🏻 

[[js...]]

On 10/09/2023 at 13:34, [[o...] said:

@[js...] I cold turkeyed Xanax (took it for years for anxiety, but the dose kept creeping up) and it took me 6 months to stop feeling absolutely awful, and another 6 before I was able to work, drive, socialize again. So I think what you're feeling is not unusual. Horrible, but not unusual. It's a bummer that you have to go to work feeling so bad, but believe me, this will pass. Recovery is not linear -- somedays you will feel worse than others, but you will gradually feel better. 

Best to you,

Katz

Thank you!!!!

[[js...]]

On 11/09/2023 at 13:22, [[r...] said:

I am at almost 14 months off after a forced 7 day taper by a dr. I feel the same. Feel like I’ve lost my mind. Just lost my job that I have been holding onto barely since the CT. I can’t even call what I am experiencing anxiety because it is non stop 24-7 every single day. I keep trying to solve it, thinking my life is all wrong, maybe if I make changes I’ll be able to get out of bed and not feel crippled with terror all day. Anything that could help I constantly rack my brain about. But I’ve found nothing. I’m literally at the point where I’m just waiting it out. Trying to eat healthy and survive each day. That’s literally all I can do. 
I feel where you are at my friend. I’m sorry you and I are going through this hell. 

We will get through this. 

[[js...]]

4 hours ago, [[j...] said:

Thank you!!!!

What do you do to cope? To survive? Are we allowed to leave our phone number on here 

[[ro...]]

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel as though my purpose or my drive, my ability has disappeared completely. I’m only left with intense fear and anxiety and depression that something is very wrong and I can’t do anything to fix it. 

[[js...]]

2 minutes ago, [[r...] said:

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel as though my purpose or my drive, my ability has disappeared completely. I’m only left with intense fear and anxiety and depression that something is very wrong and I can’t do anything to fix it. 

I understand. I’m sorry. I’m with you. Can I give personal information for you to talk as a friend? I am seeing my psychiatrist now. I hope she can make things better

[[ro...]]

Sure. Message me your info. How old are you? Where do you live? How long have you been off for?

[[js...]]

How are you feeling man? I just left the doctor. She gave me a big hug and she let me know that she will be there anytime if I want to text or call. That made me feel a bit better. You should talk to someone. I can’t be around people at all but even if you talk to the doctor over the phone/ FaceTime/ anything. Even text. It may help. She prescribed me a medication for paranoia and a medication for OCD. I’m so tired of pills dude 

[[Go...]]

I feel the same way as those of you.  Thank you for posting.  The fear is constant, and the only reassurance I've gotten so far is people telling me 7 months is "early" in this process.  It's not early when you can't function like everyone around you, so I can relate to what you are saying.   The depression is terrible.  Please PM me if you'd like.

[[js...]]

20 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

I feel the same way as those of you.  Thank you for posting.  The fear is constant, and the only reassurance I've gotten so far is people telling me 7 months is "early" in this process.  It's not early when you can't function like everyone around you, so I can relate to what you are saying.   The depression is terrible.  Please PM me if you'd like.

How do I personal message? I’m lost on here. We are in this together.. im about 9 months in. Constant fear. Everyone is judging me. Everyone is looking at me like im dumb. My body hurts from clinching. It sucks man. Im here. Im trying to figure out a way to see alerts so I can respond more often 

[[Go...]]

20 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

How do I personal message? I’m lost on here. We are in this together.. im about 9 months in. Constant fear. Everyone is judging me. Everyone is looking at me like im dumb. My body hurts from clinching. It sucks man. Im here. Im trying to figure out a way to see alerts so I can respond more often 

If you click on my name, it will give you the option of personal message.

[[js...]]

On 10/09/2023 at 13:11, [[m...] said:

Hi @[js...]Thanks for sharing, I am sorry you went through such a lot and that you are still struggling!  Many of us had suffered losses when we arrived here, friends, financial losses. I had to give up my job I couldn't function and I almost lost my home.  Like you I couldn't go out, i was bedridden for a while and agoraphobic.  At 12/14 months off, i was beginning to give up hope...at 18 months I was feeling great, I did a lot of recovering in a few months.

Keep positive, it will change, i can't say when that will be but I belive you will recover 

 

Edited September 15, 2023 by [js...]

[[Be...]]

I'm so sorry for your suffering! That doctor should have his licensed revoked for making you taper so fast after taking Xanax for so long, but what's done is done. 

In addition to residual withdrawal, you are likely experiencing the untreated underlying anxiety that led you to take X in the first place. If you are not seeing a counselor for anxiety already, it's important that you do so. You are about 40 minutes from Nashville, which is a big city. There must be therapists/counselors/coaches there.

In the interim, you will need to rally yourself to implement all self-help methods available to you, such as deep breathing exercises (see Youtube), Mindfulness techniques ( Online MBSR/Mindfulness (Free) (palousemindfulness.com) and Getting Started with Mindfulness - Mindful) stretching/Yoga exercises, walking, positive self-talk, thought stopping, and reading books on anxiety control. There is information on this site and the benzo site, too.

Start by speaking with your primary care provider to get a physical and to find a therapist. You doctor should be running point on this to help you.

[[Pa...]]

9 hours ago, [[j...] said:

I understand. I’m sorry. I’m with you. Can I give personal information for you to talk as a friend? I am seeing my psychiatrist now. I hope she can make things better

Please see our policy about the sharing of personal information, this is for your protection.  People are pretty desperate here and not thinking as clearly as they normally would about internet safety but we can’t know someone is who they say they are.  Members have shared their personal information and have regretted it, please be careful. 

You are not permitted to post your contact details to the BenzoBuddies forum; nor should you ask for the contact information of other members. Links to off-site chat rooms or requests to join Facebook or any other social networking website which might identify members' real-world identities are disallowed.

https://benzobuddies.org/guidelines/

9 hours ago, [[r...] said:

Sure. Message me your info. How old are you? Where do you live? How long have you been off for?

 

[[js...]]

1 hour ago, [[B...] said:

I'm so sorry for your suffering! That doctor should have his licensed revoked for making you taper so fast after taking Xanax for so long, but what's done is done. 

In addition to residual withdrawal, you are likely experiencing the untreated underlying anxiety that led you to take X in the first place. If you are not seeing a counselor for anxiety already, it's important that you do so. You are about 40 minutes from Nashville, which is a big city. There must be therapists/counselors/coaches there.

In the interim, you will need to rally yourself to implement all self-help methods available to you, such as deep breathing exercises (see Youtube), Mindfulness techniques ( Online MBSR/Mindfulness (Free) (palousemindfulness.com) and Getting Started with Mindfulness - Mindful) stretching/Yoga exercises, walking, positive self-talk, thought stopping, and reading books on anxiety control. There is information on this site and the benzo site, too.

Start by speaking with your primary care provider to get a physical and to find a therapist. You doctor should be running point on this to help you.

Thank you so much.

 

[[me...]]

On 13/09/2023 at 18:11, [[j...] said:

We will get through this. 

Hi when you taper is it the less dose everyday or weekly reduction. This is all new to me sorry. I'm abit confused about the tapering 🧜‍♀️

[[or...]]

@[me...] some of us tapered tiny amounts daily, for example, a Daily Liquid Microtaper;  others tapered a set % (5-10%) every week, 10 days or two weeks, called cut and hold. You just have to experiment and see what your body likes. If your taper amount is too big, your body will let you now. I followed the Ashton Manual from 15mg of valium down to 5 mgs, then had to do tiny daily liquid reductions thereafter. Others are okay with reducing 5-10% every 10 days or so. There's no one set way to taper, but most start with a set reduction (cut and hold), keep notes on any s/x, and go from there.

Hope this helps.

[[js...]]

1 minute ago, [[o...] said:

@[me...] some of us tapered tiny amounts daily, for example, a Daily Liquid Microtaper;  others tapered a set % (5-10%) every week, 10 days or two weeks, called cut and hold. You just have to experiment and see what your body likes. If your taper amount is too big, your body will let you now. I followed the Ashton Manual from 15mg of valium down to 5 mgs, then had to do tiny daily liquid reductions thereafter. Others are okay with reducing 5-10% every 10 days or so. There's no one set way to taper, but most start with a set reduction (cut and hold), keep notes on any s/x, and go from there.

Hope this helps.

Thanks you for your help. I tried the Ashton Manuel a few years back but I didn’t quite get that far to the liquid tapering process. I started falling apart when I went from klonopin to Valium. I don’t know if i would want to go back to taking any benzo after almost 9 months. I can’t imagine going through what I went through during the withdrawal process. Insane experience. I feel like I would be starting all over. What I’ve been doing for the past 14 years.