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Mental distraction tips


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Hey Bulldog,

I remember writing a post last March.  It was about my not being able to watch TV, listen to music or read.  I remember you commented on it, and while I had found one type of music I could tolerate (soft jazz), you had mentioned you had found one artist (country) that you could listen to.  We were both affected by the nostalgia...the memories of the 'before benzo' version of us were triggered along with a whole host of other emotions that would flood us.

Well, I am still in the same spot.  Nothing has changed.  I have had pockets where I have listened to a bit of music (old 'me' music), but they have been few and far between.  I'm still heartbroken by this.

Are you still in the same 'space' as well?  If so, I can so understand why you are posting about this.

I wanted to reach out and tell you, once again, that you are not alone.  I get very emotional when I read posts that recommend watching light-hearted shows or movies to distract because it's not an option for me.  It has been over a year now, and my feeling is it will be a lot longer still...although I pray that it won't.  I know you always state you are living a 'G' rated life.

This is really just sharing with you...

I am constantly moving about.  With it being summer right now, I spend almost all of my time outside.  I don't do a lot because I do experience fatigue, muscle/body pain, etc.,...but, I'm on a farm with chickens, ducks, horses, and I watch them while I play solitaire on my phone (grateful I can still look at my phone), text with a friend, come on here.  A lot of my day is spent eating...small meals, snacks.  My diet makes it so that I have to prepare often, so it seems as though it's always time to fix something.

As I had written in my previous post, I used to do dot-to-dot and colour, but now those things trigger me...I associate suffering with them.  I deal with AKA, and while I do not pace for hours as I once did, I do have to keep forward momentum always.  Can't really explain that one...but, can't explain a lot of things anymore...they just 'are'.

Other than communicating with those I care about, the one thing that has brought something to my heart space is participating on the site hoping I can perhaps help in some way.  I can't always do that...sometimes, the emotion is too much, and I cannot come on.  But, when I am able to, I find it to be 'soul reviving'...a way of connecting in a time I cannot connect as I usually would in the physical world.

I have listened to many suggestions over time about what I can do to distract myself...but, if I'm not 'inspired' in even the smallest of ways to do it, it will not work.  There has to be a genuine interest for me.  And, all that really effects me that way is connecting in some way on a heart level.

I do hope you can find something that works for you.  I understand your need for this very much.

I do hope your husband is healing well and will be up and about again very soon.  Also, interested in how you made out with your groceries.

Warmly,

F

 

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Thanks, Faith. I'm sorry you feel as I do. Thank you for remembering,too. I guess we all feel pretty much the same. Counrty music is such a lifesaver now. I hope if I ever get better I won't associate it with this very bleek time. It's hard for me to be so negative all the time. Blessings!!!

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