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Evening so bad


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My mornings are relatively better, but as night comes all symptoms get much worse and I become nasty to be around. Two of my daughters [21, 20] live with me and it has turned into a nightmare for all of us. I get enraged at them not doing things to help me. They are just overwhelmed.  I don't know how long I can take this. 

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I can't keep laying in bed, incapacitated.  My muscles have atrophied. I get up and try to do 

Little tasks. It is exhausting and I end up in bed. 

Then I watch YouTube or movie s. It melts my brain. Violence,  see, gun shots. Dogs barking all send my nerves into super fire.

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I know, the last thing you want to do is alienate your daughters, and it can be so frustrating to find yourself doing the very thing you don't ever want to do! 

Yes, this is the most debilitating state of being most of us have ever had to deal with. The worst of it is that you can't do one thing to make it go away. You can, though, do things to smooth the way a bit. It all starts with something I learned a few months ago called radical acceptance. We all just have to wait this out with as much grace as we can muster. One day at a time, sometimes one minute. Most of us want to battle our way out of this and would do anything, ANYTHING to fix this. But the best way to handle this is to patiently out-wait it. Distract. Learn to listen to your body and use its rhythms to your advantage.

Since you know you won't feel well as evening comes, consider making your evening plans during the day, when you do feel a bit better. 

You can't do much. That's a given. You can't and it's not your fault. You would if you could. You're not being lazy or a bad version of yourself, you're really in a weird place that you can't easily navigate. Again, not your fault. Your daughters are overwhelmed and frankly, so are you. So are we all. 

Do the little you can do, and then go ahead and rest with a clear conscience. Then get up and do more, then rest just like you've been doing. That's all you can do right now. And that's okay. The fact that this frustrates you shows that you have a strong work ethic. For now, your best work ethic is to find ways to make this as easy on you and those around you as you can.

I can't watch violence or the rough stuff either. I find things that grab my attention, concentrating on the ones with lots of seasons. Then I just plow through them. 

You can do this. It's NOT easy. It's unbelievably hard, but you can do this! 


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