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The sad reality that intrusive thoughts are slowely becoming reality


[6f...]

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Starting to believe my intrusive thoughts (ruminating thoughts) are becoming a reality.

Dreams and goals I had 5 yrs ago are just dreams that are now in the rear view mirror fading away in smoke. My fears that I had (this won't happen to me yada yada) are now possible realities. 

Went to a friend's pool party/bbq last weekend. Listening to everyone's plans, all the good things they're doing and have done and I have nothing to brag about or happy to share.

I had a brief intake telehealth call with a potential new therapist the other day. She told me we aren't a good fit and explained why, she doesn't do long term sessions...well I call BS because it did not say it in her profile. I think my case and history is just too complex that she couldn't handle taking me on as a patient.

 

 

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@[Su...]

Welcome to the Benzo Buddies Community,

Maybe it’s time for new friends. I have friends who don’t brag. They tell me their misfortunes and I tell them mine.

Friends who are all about the image are not real friends.The only person you need to compare yourself to is your previous self.

Here are resources for you: 

Ashton manual

Benzodiazepine Deprescribing Guidance

Benzodiazepine Equivalence Table

You may want to look for a good therapist until you find one. Sometimes one has to fail over and over again, until one succeeds. “Failure is success in progress“, as Albert Einstein put it. 

An Admin will be here with you soon. Take care. Things will get better:hug:

Paula

 

 

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Time for new friends? No. They don't do it to brag and make me feel like crap, absolutely not. They are great ppl thankgod I have them. They are sharing  their experiences as they should with one another,  ( they don't know how sick I am so I don't fault them I keep alot to myself) I just wish someday I could experience this too

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Hi Sunflower, welcome to benzo buddies! It's great that you are getting out and among friends you love and can count on. I know what you mean; other's lives seem so full of promise. It's hard when I compare my life to theirs. But it won't always be this way. This is temporary. It doesn't feel like it, but that's the truth. It just takes a long, long time to heal.

Where are you in this process? You mention dreams you had five years ago. Is that when the trouble started? (Don't let go of those dreams; you're going to need them!)

I'm so sorry about the therapist issue. I hope you can find someone who is Benzo-wise to counsel you. Hopefully someone will chime in on this!

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I'm certainly not angry they are doing well for themselves, hell they should. I cannot be a debbie downer and get upset with them because like I said they really know nothing regarding my stuff, and that's my choice. I know for a fact if I let them in more they'd be right there as a listening ear with support!  Maybe 2 know of the Lyme Disease. I will say it was great to see them, I'm sure I was glowing and it was a good distraction being out. As we know Covid changed alot, they have kids of their own ( some grandkids!) and some work more than 1 job. Life happens, and it's hard for many to go out and make plans on a whim. There were outings I was invited to that I canceled because I was just too tired (I work full time).

Read my sig. 5 years ago I was on Paxil, didn't start treatment of Lyme disease yet. I see pics of myself from that time and earlier, I was well.  I wasn't bad like this,I was sick and knew something was wrong but NOT like this. It seems when I tapered off the Paxil in late 2018 and went into treatment for the Lyme in early 2019 got worse when healing should have happened.

 

 

 

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Glad you are here @[Su...]!  I am sorry you are struggling.   As @[Ho...] said you will not always feel this way.   I read your signature and it looks like you are in the midst of tapering Zoloft, and you are being treated for Lyme disease.   I can imagine the intrusive thoughts are difficult to deal with.   Do you have any way of distracting?  I hope you can find a good therapist; and maybe one that has experience in this area.   I see that you work full time as well.   I guess that provides some distraction as well.    

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