Terrified

[[Ti...]]

Here is a bit of my story: I was put on klonopin 1mg and seroquel 200mg for sleep because I was going days with no sleep. This was in 2007. In 2019, my doc took me off seroquel ct and that night, didn't sleep. And didn't sleep for many nights after that. I worked with a cbti coach and got off klonopin in a medium length taper. Still could not sleep. Ended up in the hospital, and reinstated on ativan this time. Then I switched to V and tapered, took a year. I was also taking supplements to try to help... melatonin, magnesium glycinate, l-theanine, lemon balm, passion flower, ashwaganda, valerian, I've tried cbd, and every night I take THC indica taffy or two. When I got down to 7mg V, I was not sleeping anymore at all. So I got back on ativan and sonata (z drug). This helped for a while. I tapered off the ativan and could not sleep during the taper or after. I went to the hospital again, they reinstated me on ativan again, sonata, and increased the ativan dose. I take 4mg at night now, none in the day, since this was mainly for insomnia, not anxiety. Now even at 4mg, I'm not sleeping. I work a full time job and I don't know how to get up and go when not sleeping for days on end. And now do I taper the 4mg ativan and still not sleep. I also take zyprexa 15mg 2 times a week which I wnant to stop also.  I feel like I should do a fast taper because I can't sleep with or without these pills. I can't afford to lose my job and I'm terrified every night and day about what will I take tonight, will I sleep, etc... mainly, I fear not ever falling asleep. I have problems initiating sleep and maintaining sleep, but mostly getting to sleep at all. I never have a sleepy/drowsy feeling. Just feel miserable and sick of doing this. It has been 4.5 years of this and 17 years of meds. I'm lucky to get 1 hour sleep. I'm scared and not sure what to do.

[[Th...]]

Sorry to learn of your issues Timebomb11.  You most likely reached "tolerance" at your current dose.  4mg of Ativan is no longer working.  That's the problem with Benzos or any other Rx drug (such as Seroquel) that artificially induce sleep; eventually they all stop working.  I had a very similar experience but I reached tolerance in a few months.  I was taking 3mg of Xanax that only gave me about an hour of sleep.  I then switched to 30mg of Temazepam along with 2, 3 or even 4mg of K-pin.  That didn't work either.  I tried Seroquel (that did work for a few days, but left me totally brain fogged and hung over the next day) along with Remeron, Doxepin, Zyprexa, Lyrica, Gabapentin, etc., etc.

I wish I had better news, but the only way out of this mess is to taper off of the drugs.  A cold turkey is not recommended (what I did) as there is some risk of a seizure?  I know MTFan had extreme insomnia.  She went a whole month with only 2 perceived sleep events.  Lack of sleep will not kill you otherwise I would be dead, along with countless others.  It only feels like you're going to die.  Your body will get all the sleep it needs before anything bad will happen to you and "microsleep" will sustain you.  

I had the same fears as you did along with a litany of symptoms beside severe insomnia.  I went months on 5-10 hours of sleep per week.  I don't say that in a "bragging" manner, I am just pointing out what I went through and I still worked through it all so I know it's possible to get past insomnia.  My sleep started to return around month 10 and slowly got better.  I went without any perceived sleep for 3 and 4 nights in a row at least 10 or more times.

I'd read this post as it will hopefully answer most of your questions regarding Benzos and sleep?  

 

 

[[Ti...]]

Thanks. I did read your post. It was very informative and relatable. I have already gone days and weeks without sleep while on medicines. I feel like if that's my main symptom, why not try to fast taper? The other times I've come off, I had anxiety and insomnia, heart palps, akathisia (for 2weeks), tinnitus, and just a feeling of being mentally unstable.

[[Th...]]

That was my thinking too.  I wanted to get off as fast as possible and my doctor recommended a cold turkey (not recommended) and that's what I did.  As you said, no matter how much I took, I was barely getting an hour of sleep a night (or less) so I figured why not let the "healing" begin as quickly as possible.  The only downside is it takes a long time for most to get their sleep back.  Ashton (Heather Ashton, Ashton Manual) says 6-12 months for most, but some take longer.  There is some evidence to suggest that doing a cold turkey can make symptoms, including insomnia more intense?  You do what is best for you.  Keep in mind that most doctors will NOT even recognize Benzo WD as even existing or if they do, they say crazy things such as it only last 2-4 weeks...if only that were true.  Good luck.

[[Ti...]]

None of my doctors believe in any wd lasting longer than a few weeks, yes. I'm aware of that. Have seen many doctors and specialists. Only one pharma guy said sleep can take 12-18 months. As I see it, my insomnia can't get worse. LIterally nothing puts me to sleep so I think on or off the ativan won't matter, maybe it does something to me, but certainly not make me sleep any longer.

[[Th...]]

Unfortunately ALL Benzos down regulate GABA receptors and eventually damage or destroy them given enough time.  GABA is what makes you relaxed and calm so you can sleep.  As I said in my previous post, it's like your body's brake pedal.  Glutamate on the other hand is what makes you active and alert (even fight or flight). Think of it as your body's gas pedal.  Normally GABA and Glutamate balance each other out so one is not dominate.  However with the Ativan taking your GABA out of the picture, your body is constantly active and alert.  That's why you can literally go for days without sleeping yet still feel wired while your body is exhausted.  That's what happened to me.  I felt wired all the time as if I drank 3 pots of coffee even after not sleeping for 3 or 4 nights in a row.  Eventually GABA heals and/or regrows and that sleepy feeling returns and GABA and Glutamate systems go back into balance.  However, no one knows exactly how long that will take.  

[[Ti...]]

Thank you, I'll have to taper and ride this out. How did you work and drive without any sleep? I can't lose my job but I am expecting to be sleepless for a long time. My work involves 10 hours a day of sitting at a computer and using a lot of focus and concentration-- accounting.

[[Th...]]

I was able to drive as I was never in any danger of nodding off..at least the first 10 months off or so.  I was wired all the time.  My body felt exhausted, but my brain was wired and sleep was next to impossible.  Eventually I'd get an "exhaustion" sleep for a few hours and that would help a lot.  I was (I recently retired from that job) an IT director for a school district and spent most of my time in front of a computer as well.  I thought I'd forget passwords, how do do everyday tasks, etc., but looking back on some of my work years later, it was mostly spot on.  It's amazing how well we can perform on so little sleep.  I won't lie, it was super hard to do and I used about 25 sick days here and there as needed when things got really bad.  I found out that thinking you should feel like garbage after not sleeping only makes it worse.  It took some time, but eventually I was able to "enjoy" the fact that I could function on very little to no sleep.  I also applied for and was approved for FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) but I never had to use it.  Thankfully my sleep slowly returned so when I started getting 2 or 3 hours per night, I thought I was "healed."  Not really, but it gave me the motivation and drive to continue to work.  I had bills to pay and a family to support.  I somehow powered through and worked at least 4 if not all 5 days per week.  As my sleep slowly started to return, it gave me hope to keep going.  There were countless times I thought I would never heal and never sleep normally.  In fact, it got so bad I was convinced I had fatal insomnia. 

Luckily I was able to find a Benzo-wise counselor and psychiatrist that helped me through the WD.  I drove an hour one way one time per week for about 3 months for their support.  Just as a side note,  no amount of sleep hygiene is going to help with Benzo-induced insomnia.  In addition, I literally tried every OTC and herbal sleep formula/remedy out there and almost all of them did not work and if they did, I'd get an hour or maybe 2 hours of sleep for one night and then they never worked again.  

Benzo-induced insomnia is a tough road, but I did it along with hundreds or even thousands of others.  You CAN do this too.  

[[Ti...]]

I’m still on a full dose of Ativan and sonata and haven’t slept. I am so sick from sleep deprivation I’m vomiting and in a lot of pain. I didn’t even taper… one tiny cut is all. And that was 2 weeks ago.