Am I a bad person?

[[TH...]]

Having a hard time lately. I'm 34, live with my mum, no relationship or kids, still tapering off Valium, currently not working.

I feel absolutely useless.

Like I'm just a burden because I'm still at home at my age while going through a hard time.

 

I have worked most of my life and this is the longest I've been off since I quit my stressful job last August and haven't worked since due to the tapering. But lately I just feel hopeless and miserable.

 

Does this make me a bad person for still being at home and not working?

[[wi...]]

absolutely not! you would be doing more if you were not dealing with benzo wd.  i know this is super difficult.  Please hang in there. You are not alone my friend.

[[Co...]]

Of course not! I hope you have support from.your mom at home. It is important

[[ph...]]

You are not a bad person. Think, what makes you a bad person?

Are you hurting or harming anybody in any way? No!

Is there anything “wrong” with living with your mom at home? No. You are not harming her. Despite the taper, you are still a self-sufficient human being no matter how much it feels like you’re not at certain points. By the way it sounds, you aren’t a burden. Besides, a child will never be a “burden” to their own mother, no matter the age. ESPECIALLY in times of sickness.

Like you said, you’ve worked most of your life. So you certainly aren’t useless. You’re simply going through a very rough time that, frankly, taking extra time off for yourself will truly only speed up your recovery.

My sister lived at home with us until she was 31 and she WASN’T coming off a benzo!

You are so much stronger than you think right now. You are not a bad person. Just a person going through a bad time. Stay strong, my friend.

[[Hu...]]

This is my first post, but let me tell you THFC9000 you are not alone. I'm even a couple years older than you are and I lost almost everything after I got an anxiety disorder: House, job, freedom, health, physical stamina and strenght. Luckily my parents support me (not financially, but they are understanding and also a bit scared because of my suicidal thoughts) I still have a gf but this dependence on "lor" is very bad for my relationship. I'm lucky that she loves me, but this can't continue for a year. So I'm going to crosstaper to diazepam soon and stop the benzo. I'm having terrible interdose withdrawals so I'm very mentally unstable and can't work. my cognition and memory are still good, but I am often depressed. And anxious. I understand the self blame for feeling like a total loser. Especially when people around you seem to flourish with jobs, new cars, vacations, graduating and fun things. And I'm sitting at home. Going to the mall is almost an adventure now.

I cope with listening to music, hoping things will get better when I don't have this i/withdrawals anymore and hopefully can work part time again. Stay strong. Pray, draw, play music, paint, Or whatever you think will get you trough this. People love you and this is just a test. Or that is what I tell myself.

 

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials

 

Edited July 26, 2023 by [Hu...]

[[Pa...]]

Hello Hugodrax, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

My goodness, your first post and you're already offering support to another member, thank you!  We're so happy you've joined us, please let us know how we can help you.

Pamster

[[Hu...]]

26 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Hello Hugodrax, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

My goodness, your first post and you're already offering support to another member, thank you!  We're so happy you've joined us, please let us know how we can help you.

Pamster

 

Well, I've been reading a lot in the past year. I couldn't register due to some strange yellow-socks question in the old register form. I am planning my crossover from lorazepam to diazepam. Just swapping A .25mg to D 2,5mg like the Ashton Manual says. Hopefully I'll respond good to the diazepam (had some very strange effect a couple of years ago). I was put on benzos a couple of years ago by a doctor and have been taking them ever since. I had to respond to THFC900 because I really understand how hard it is and how lonely it often feels. Everyday feels like a struggle now. And self-reproach is probably the worst you can do to yourself mentally.

 

[[Pa...]]

Sorry to hear about your delay in joining, some of the spam measures we had in place kept out more than spammers it seems.  

I hope your crossover goes well, I'm told Valium feels quite different but hopefully you'll adjust quickly.  You're so right about the negative self-talk its a prominent feature of this process, I'm glad to see you're fighting back.

[[TH...]]

@[Hu...] Thank you got posting your first message on my post. Means a lot. Knowing there's people that I've never met in my life being so kind and considerate makes me believe there is goodness in the world we live in. 

Sorry to hear you're going through this and I hope the diazepam taper goes well for you. Plus it must be great to have a gf who loves you and supports you. Make sure you hold on to her because they seem rare to me nowadays. Wish you all the best. Always here if you need to chat. 

Thank you again 

[[Id...]]

I’ll let this here for you and anybody else that could need it because it’s the only thing that “clicked” with me in a similar situation. Especially like the “gifted” super achiever, “super hero”, perfectionist I was (I often got confused reaching my bath room few months ago). Not an inspirational quote or similar, it’s the fruit of years long conversations about what we are experiencing to be in this forum. 
 

My best friend told me

“in this society we are conditioned/dragged to think that our serf worth is proportional to what we produce and achieve. It is not”

(Lucas)

 

Please remember that “mourning our previous life and capacities” is a normal and listed symptom in our situation. This should helps also 

 

I wish you the best @[TH...]