My first wave attack - HELP PLEASE!!

[[Mo...]]

Hello everybody and sorry to report that I have now experienced what i believe to be a "wave" of symptoms and I am not doing well at all! I went cold turkey off of Clonazepam and pain medication. In addition, I also stopped all alcohol consumption as I knew that was a terrible mixture back on December 27, 2010. Of course the first three weeks seemed almost life threatening and absolutely unbearable, but somehow I made it through with self, home treatments. After almost five months of working ever so hard on my diet, exercising and getting as much rest as I could, I started to feel as though I might be really healing. I was starting to step up my exercising program and feeling so much better after I would complete my daily cardio and rowing. I will say that two major symptoms have NOT reduced in severity much through this whole journey and that is the BLURRED VISSION & "Cog Fog". These two issues have caused a bit of distress, but I was focusing on keeping my body moving and eating well. Flash forward to June 6, 2011. Three weeks ago I literally woke up to what seemed like a bladder or urinary infection, very painful muscle/joint in the elbow area of my left arm, louder than usual hissing in my ears, constipation, numbness below both knees (feels like my legs are very heavy or fluid filled?), tingling and numbness in my gums and teeth, itchy scalp with small bumps that come and go? A very painful lower back, worse than the normal blurred vision issue(s) and something very bizarre and new is this unusual "chemical smell" that invades my nose right on schedule about every 20-30 minutes throughout the day and night?? Like a Histamine smell if that makes any sense? In any case, I went in last Wednesday for a full blood panel (Chem 14) plus urine culture and all results showed to be well with in their normal range - WTH?? This seem to be slooowly subsiding back to normal irritation levels, but whew this is/was terrifying and painful beyond scope. Can all this and a few others I didn't mention really occur after approaching half a year completely clean of ANY medications or alcohol?? This just blew me away and yes I have read that people can experience very serious "waves" along with "windows" of normalcy, but really... this was almost overnight after feeling (minus blurred vision and mental awareness issues) almost pre-benzo! Any related examples would be intersting to hear about as a bit of "misery loves company" is in order here 

[[...]]

Hi, I'm sorry you are suffering (again). You have really done a HUGE piece of work to get where you are.

 

So misery liking company, I'm having a very bad couple of days. A while back I had seven wonderful days, then got off an opiate, had some more withdrawal which I expected, then a couple of wonderful days, and now two days that are the worst in weeks and weeks. It's damned scary and does a number on my sense of hope and faith.

 

SO, LET'S BOTH GO BACK TO BASICS. Acceptance. Keeping our sights on the blue skies that are sure to come. Patting ourselves on the back for a job well done. Being kind to ourselves. Trying to keep our concerns to this day only.

 

Glad you spoke up. It actually helped me to know I wasn't the only one having a bad wave.

[[Mo...]]

yram, I understand my friend and yes I am somewhat proud of myself for the distance I have been able to accomplish from this terrible benzo affliction, but at the same time, I feel bitter at all the time I am losing and suffering! Why, why, why... I truly understand it isn't productive at all to think that way, but that emotion is so very strong sometimes. I will try my best to see a bit clearer soon and get back to proper healing. You surely sound as though even during your momentary increased struggles that you have a positive perspective on the approach to the bigger, overall goal. 

 

Moon Crater

[[Ma...]]

I'm also sending my warm support during your difficult time.  However, I was also relieved to read this.  Why?  I'll tell you...

 

I'm almost 6 1/2 months off Klonopin.  I did a quick taper starting in November 2010.  I also stopped drinking - not because it was an issue - but because I didn't know the stupidity of drinking and benzos or drinking and getting off benzos.

 

Nevertheless, I had a great first 3 or 4 months off Klonopin.  I felt that I "healed" rather quickly.  I was wrong.

 

Month 6 has not been the greatest.  It's certainly not as bad as it was during my taper, but symptoms I thought were gone are back.... and kicking my backside.

 

The largest issues for me these past few weeks are some old, familiar symptoms mixed with some new ones.  Here's what month 6 free from Klonopin is doing for me:

 

- Ringing in my right ear.  It's more of a high-pitched hiss.  It's been there since during my taper. I also have reduced hearing in this ear. My other ear is perfect.

- Tachycardia at intermittent times, for no reason.  Rarely happens, but I've had 3 episodes in the past 3 weeks, one of which put me in the Emergency Department.

- Phantom anxiety that feels like it's ripping my abdomen right at my belly button.  It comes usually in the morning only, then is gone the rest of the day.

- Muscle twitches (these are new.)  My abdomen and pelvic muscles twitch like crazy.  My left eye twitches underneath it very rapidly all day long.

- Elevated BP.  I am taking an ACE inhibitor (Lisinopril) for this.  But I'm all over the map some days.

 

I've also been to the doctor, had X-rays, EKGs, blood work, and some exotic tests for tumors that I don't have.

 

Unfortunately, in searching / reading the recent and archived posts on this site, along with chatting to my friends here, I'm confident it's benzo withdrawal.  (My GP, however, mocked the idea and said she'd be 'highly surprised' that anyone is suffering benzo withdrawal after 6 months.  Uhm. OK.)

 

Nevertheless, I sympathize and can relate to your story.  My biggest goal is to not let it rule me and to tell myself it's part of the healing process.  Since I've apparently got nothing else wrong with me, what else can it be?

 

The biggest thing I found to help me, even though it's mentally burdensome, is to exercise and not lay around all day or sit at my desk.  I've got to burn off the excess energy and adrenaline.

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Matthewonline, We are just about equal on time and symptoms. I could list several others throughout this journey and new ones seem to perk up and old ones resolve themselves?! After so much extensive medical testing, all of which have indicated nothing wrong and actually all within normal ranges and showing I am a healthy middle aged man, my doctor just said "well I suggest you just stop any medications and just heal yourself"?? What the heck have I been doing for the last five months plus?? Good god man - be professional please and show some knowledge and support!! I am going to get better one way or another and yes, exercising has and is my only medicine unless something is falling off or I have an accident that requires life saving medical attention. Otherwise, a serious health regime is all I am concerned with from here on out. P.S. I had NEVER suffered from high blood pressure until this episode in my life and yes I was put on two different medications for it which caused more harm than good. I just knew that with a clean diet and exercise, I could return my pressure back to my normal level. That is exactly what I did and as soon as I got off my med(s) and hit the cardio, my pressure and heart rate are fantastic! This accomplishment shows that there is indeed healing going on and if I can just get the "cog fog" and vision issues under control, I could just possibly make a full recovery. I completely understand your struggles!!

[[mc...]]

Hi moon Crater

 

Question for you...You say that your legs felt full or like there was fluid, does "felt" mean by feeling your leg with your hand or just a body sensation that you acknowledged. I am asking because last wednesday, I got on our tread climber for about 25 minutes and later that day I noticed that my left leg(calf) appeared bigger to me than my right. When I felt it with my hand and compared it to my right it feels full. This is one of the other reasons why I went into the dr. friday other than the cloudy urine. I did not have any pain that you spoke of that would indicate a urinary tract infection(uti), just the cloudy urine. I find it interesting that you had fullness feeling in your leg and uti symptoms also. The dr. siad I was not retaining water in my leg and to just keep an eye on it. I will add that 1 1/2 yrs ago I did have acl surgery on my right knee and did not do the rehab to the extent that I should have and I have noticed in the past that right leg not as muscular as left. So it could just be in my head, but again interesting that you mentioned this as well.  Kind of along those same lines, end of april, I went and had this heart test where you pay $75 bucks and they look at your blood vessels around your heart, check your blood panel and check to see if you have any stroke possibilities. A preventative thing. Anyway my cholesterol was a little high and so was my blood glucose. Never has been before. I thought it might have something to do with getting off of the klonopin. Anyway I was researching just today on how you can get these two items down and they both show that they can be above normal due to extreme stress. Well, I think what we are going through, by getting off these drugs and dealing with the side effect is extremely stressful.  My point is this...these drugs really do a number on our body systems, and it shows up in ways that are very strange to me.

[[Mo...]]

Hello mcfuzzie,

 

Don't see or feel any actual fluid are enlargement. It is a heavy feeling below the knees on both legs and tingling as well? I have fairly powerful, muscular legs from rowing, biking and several other active sports (which i haven't been able to participate in for several months) but I have rowed and ridden my road bike. After doing these activities, the feeling(s) or symptoms seems to diminish somewhat and then resurface if I let a few days lapse without exercising? I have spent so much time over these past few months reading information and actual medical documents and I am starting to truly believe that ALL of this crazy business is indeed being caused by erratic brain signals throughout our recovering bodies! I have just got to believe this to be true as I have had all tests show normal with the exception of stress indicators. Everyone needs to know and understand just what chemicals the body gives off while being put in a hyper stressfull environment. I am starting to grasp how to control anxiety and stress flare ups. I am becoming fairly skilled at controlling and easing my pulse and blood pressure at the onset of intense stresses!

[Guest [Si...]]

Moon Crater,

 

I'm not off the valium yet, but let me tell you.. I have had some waves. They weren't at all pleasant.

In one wave a few months back, I was holding onto the bed. I felt like I was holding on for dear life.

 

I really don't know how to explain the feeling, but it felt like I was on top of a skyscraper, and looking down, while my CNS was sensitive.

Hard to explain. It was hell.

 

I was left nervous and sensitive for days.

 

The waves that hit all at once are horrible.

 

I was sx free for two months during this taper, and then got hit.

 

It's not much input, but hopefully it gives you an idea what my waves are like.

 

I can't explain them further, no words, speechless as to say what they feel like.

 

S#

 

 

[[Mo...]]

No further explanation needed as I can surely concure with your experience(s) After going through what I felt was the absolute insane pain and suffering of my ENTIRE life, I would surely have never thought it could get that nutty again. Yes this "wave" wasn't as powerful, but feeling like I was getting much better the past two months or so, I wasn't prepaired for another onslaught of craziness and thus it hit like a freight train from hell!! I am hoping to force myself out into the Texas blast furnace we are experiencing and do some sweating as this seems to help a bit. The winds have been gusting 35+ for well over a week and even though I have never experienced allergies, now with a hyper sensitive system, the crap in the air is effecting me when I am out in it. Not to mention I can't stand Texas summers. Not a hot weather person!

[[wh...]]

Yeah in in Va. and its way too hot for me here too. It seems like you are really bothered by that "chemical smell" (you put it in bold letters). I cant explain it but one thing for sure.. Dont let it trip you out, or obcess on it, its probably some weird thing that just happens and those things usually pass.

good luck