No such thing as rock bottom

[Guest [Su...]]

There is no such thing as rock bottom for some of us. It only goes lower and lower. I had Covid about a month ago. I've seen members on here say Covid set them back, well I wasn't healing or going forward anyway so I'm back even more. Since 3/2020 I've been horribly sick 4x and never ever tested positive, this time I did on day 2 with a rapid test, thats how sick I was and nobody at work or my family I saw that weekend was sick or got it after me, nobody. Everything's in jeopardy, my job, this apartment. Nothing is going right. As soon as something good does happen I get thrown back reality, it's like uh oh she's happy quick  she her back to reality. Call them "windows"? Nope. If something is good or simple then it must be too good to be true.

 

All this $$$$$ in Lyme treatment for 4 years  for no resolution, only worse. I'll never ever be the same.

 

I feel I can't do anything right, I'm getting judged and critiqued for literally every move I make. I can't make my own decisions comfortably because I know it might not be good enough. I have deep scars on my arms and legs ( figuratively not literally) of being everyone's puppet.

 

Tired of watching co workers, friends and family shine and have good things happen to them and I'm constantly pushed to the back of the line. If someone goes through a hardship they are resilient and come back. I have zero energy. I literally have the energy of a 90 year old. Memory loss, slurring of speech, headaches, anxiety, ocd. Fatigue? OFF the charts as usual.

 

25 years of illness and disability.

 

[[Ni...]]

I’m so sorry for your suffering. You say you have co-workers? You’re able to work? I’m completely disabled at home and havevt worked since January 27th. I wish to heal enough to work.

[Guest [Su...]]

Yea and that can very well change for me soon.

 

When I wasn't working I was called lazy, then when I was working I was told I can't be as sick as I say or getting sicker that cannot be possible. Nice huh. 

[Guest [Su...]]

Wonderful my new therapist is encouraging me to either cut back on work or do a FMLA part time and stay home a day or 2 (paid) .  I don't know if i can or want to do that it's 1 more failure or something taken from me due to this chronic illness. I told her I would have to make sure 100% the days staying home are paid because I CANNOT afford to lose hours. I could work 10 hour days to meet the 40 hours and rotate 1 day a week off. I cant give up anything else for this disease anymore, ive lost too much in my life and it only sets me back more. When's enough enough??? I just want stability. Its always 1 step forward 10 steps back. I feel I'm gonna lose more and more before even the smallest percentage of healing happens.

[[wi...]]

 

 

When I wasn't working I was called lazy, then when I was working I was told I can't be as sick as I say or getting sicker that cannot be possible. Nice huh.

 

same here

[Guest [Su...]]

I'll never win this God awful nightmare. There will always be something thrown at me (or said)

[[...]]

 

Hello,

 

I also wonder. It is no longer enough to go through withdrawal and have been polydrugged, to also have to go through setbacks.

 

And even so, hitting rock bottom, we keep trying to improve, search, heal. If all that is not courage, willpower and courage... and still they judge us. The world upside down.

 

Wishing we could get back to the surface

 

I share an article I read in Mad in America

 

https://madinamerica.com/2023/04/wa%20chrome://newtab/%20king-nightmare-recovery-akathisia/