Week 9 - I'm Going Backwards

[[Bi...]]

Hi Friends - its the end of week 9 and this has been the worst yet.  After a reasonably "tame" first month, this second month has been progressively worse.  This week there has been no let up at all.  The s/x have been constant and intense.  How much further downhill can I go?  I am barely functional in the mornings and now my evenings are getting bad - this has never happened before.  I know everyone says that month 2-3 is the worst but this is unreal.  I feel so helpless - I will not go back so I'm stuck.  Looking for a window very soon.  Best, Billwill

[Guest [Fi...]]

Billwill,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad.  At week 9 I was a mess as well! Memory problems, brain fog, even speech difficulties. I also had/have the morning and evening anxiety. 

 

Although it seems forever, 9 weeks is very early in recovery. 

 

I am at week twelve, and have come so far! There is a post I started when I was around where you are. I felt like I was dying. I gotta tell you, things get better.  Read that post, then read this post...you'll see a difference I promise.

 

I know it seems impossible, but hang in there my friend.  Things will turn around for you.

 

Nicole

[[Bi...]]

Thanks Nicole - I read your posts and hope this is the worst for me too.  I've said this every week for the last four weeks.  I didn't associate jaw pain with teeth grinding but now realize that is what I've been doing at night - I've never done this before.  I'm also having wild, vivid dreams.  I am forcing myself not to cancel a beach weekend today and am headed out shortly.  I figure if I'm going to be miserable it might as well be in pretty surroundings!  Thanks for your thoughts.  Keep in touch - glad you are doing better.  Best, Bill

[[Na...]]

Bill,

 

I too felt very ill at 8-9 weeks off.  This was extremely disheartning to me because I felt better weeks 6 & 7.  This is just a viscious cycle that our body has to go through and we will get better.  I am off 12 weeks today as well and overall I am doing better.  Still have anxiety, which was what I was put on the benzo for originally, but I think it will be my last symptom to go.  My head pressure and jitteriness has improved significantly over the last several weeks.  From what I have read, usually when you go through a real bad spell, some significant positive healing takes place and you feel better afterward.  I just got back from the beach myself a couple f weeks ago.  I didn't feel good at all, but like you, I think it was therapeutic for me.  We will heal from this.  9 weeks out is something to be proud of! 

[[Bi...]]

Hi Natron - well I made it to the beach.  This may be the worst day of my life.  I am so sick and nauseous.  I am out of it.  What word can describe this - terror, horror - are these too strong?  I think not.  Hoping for some relief...soon.  Bill

[Guest [Fi...]]

Oh Bill I'm sorry you're so sick! 

 

I'll be thinking of you and hoping that tomorrow is a good day

 

Nicole

 

[[Bi...]]

Hi friends - I had to come home from the beach early this morning to the safety of my home.  Yesterday was unimaginable - fight or flight on all day and night.  I felt so helpless and desperate.  I prayed to pass in my sleep.  Is this me?  Do others have this indescribable terror - that's the only word I can think of to describe this.  I never felt this bad at any point in my w/d.  Please give me assurance.  Best, Billwill

[[st...]]

Yes, Bill, many of us have what you are describing.  I can't even imagine you trying to go to the beach feeling so bad.  I, too, needed the safety of my home.  Even though I am still having problems that fear/terror.....the acute stage.....does subside.  This is a time to baby yourself.

 

Patty  xo

[[Bi...]]

Thanks Patty - I was so desperate yesterday and Friday!  Unbelievable what we can endure isn't it.  Take good care.  Bill

[[Na...]]

Bill,

I was where you were.  I promise.  Hope you have had a better couple of days.  It does get better.

Natron

[[Bi...]]

Thanks Natron - you are a good friend.  How are you doing?  Bill

[[...]]

The same thing happened to me going into month 3.  I had a long month of this painful burning sensations in my head, with intrusive thoughts.  It seems like every month there is another obstacle to get by. 

 

We'll get through it though, I'm right there with you.