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How to avoid the stress while you are trying to fight for yourself so hard


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Dear BB, Someone please tell me what to do... I am struggling so hard for my life and recovery.. I am still weaning off the K.. June 30 I will be at 1mg of K from to three mg of K from December of 2010.  As you know this is the hardest obstacle a person can go thru.. I have constant stress at home.. Therapists do not HELP...

 

As you know my hubby is bipolar, and my daughter blames me for using opiates over the years. My hubby had an episode yesterday, and got upset with me ,and I could not sleep all night.. Today he makes no big deal.. How do I trust this process to work.. I am ill from the K.  My nervous system is shot.. When the eposides come on from my hubby I get scared.. Yes I love him but How can we handle that kind of stress and go on with what we need too do... Over the years before the K it was easier to handle the episodes.  Well of course I did not feel it so much because of the opiates... Now look at me.. I am trying so hard to finally get my life back.. Oh please bb it feels like I cannot do this because of the stress... Now I have to hide my w/d from my son too.  How can I believe. How do I not get scared.. How will I have surgery... sorry for all of the questions.. Is it possible that all of you do not have the stress coming off the K or in recovery.. Sometimes in life we do not have the luxury we need for this process.  i am not asking for so much accept kindness most of the time.. No eposides and feeling safe and trust this will happen.. Yes my hubby is nice today, but with bipoar it changes and the stress on him makes it worse.

 

Last night I could not pick up my son from his girfriends house well that made him blow up.... BB I know not all of you have this kind of situation.. I am not asking for a miracle here...  Just a little something to go on, so I can think in my head what to do when this happens again. We have to think of today, yes.. I agree... But when you have had bad experiences with this it is hard to.  If I was taking care of someone who was on a benzo I would keep them away from the negativity.. Sorry for the spelling. Words to me are the strongest.. I know he means well, but it is like a person on a benzo when you cannot control the symtoms it is hard... He has a good heart, but again when it comes on i get nervous inside....  If I have to do this on my own CAN I... What can I do to protect myself from any negativity, survive this and keep my nervous system calm.  That is all I want... I do not have any friends right now at home they are to busy for me being on the K...  Friends would help right now.. My whole life revolved around my hubby and the kids... I did not care about friends at the time..  Dear I have to finish this taper.  I have to go on with the next phase after the taper.. I want to live and not GIVE up so bad... But the fear is stopping me now from the K and the circumstances. Thank yu bb for your support and love... Mishi

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Hi Mishi!

Getting down to 1mg is a HUGE accomplishment! I think you need to give yourself some credit for that. We all have family issues, and sometimes therapists do not help. That's ok. This fear you're having is meant to be pushed through. You will do it and you'll be so much healthier at the end. I saw a quote today that's helping me through right now... "Contemplation often makes like miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live." :)

 

Holly

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Hi Mishi!

Getting down to 1mg is a HUGE accomplishment! I think you need to give yourself some credit for that. We all have family issues, and sometimes therapists do not help. That's ok. This fear you're having is meant to be pushed through. You will do it and you'll be so much healthier at the end. I saw a quote today that's helping me through right now... "Contemplation often makes like miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live." :)

 

Holly

 

Holly what a pretty girl you are.  I mean that in good way.  Not a bad way.  Thank you for the support.. I will try to think of the quote.. I hope your recovery went well. I hope your life is filled with joy... I really hope you are right because this is way out for me.. I am trying to live for today and it gets really rough.. Isnt'true that recovery takes longer if you are under the stress all of the time.. Let me know if you can.. I appreciate your concern. Keep me posted.. Luv, Mishi

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I think it isn't the stress that's bad but how we react to it.  Over many months I learned to use a variety of techniques to manage my anxiety and fears, including meditation, controlled breathing and even took a course in Tai Chi.  I kept trying one thing and another until I had a few things I could depend on to help me through the bad times.  I also had the help of a good therapist who helped me talk it through and was a great outlet for the negativity I was feeling.  By the way, it took me trying 3 different therapists before I found one I "clicked" with.  All you can do is keep trying, mishi, and do the best you can.  :therethere:
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Mishi,

I completely understand what you are saying concerning your taper along with your family issues.

I too, have been tapering and when I felt it was the right time, I told my son,daughter and hubby what I was doing. I ask for them to simply remember it when I might be in a distressed mood. I too, love my family with all my heart but Mishi, they can forget your taper. Its as if they can't remember, act out for attention or simply don't understand all this. This is not your fault.

 

I just spent the last week giving my family all I had to give. In return, I crashed and burned. YOU must decide to do this taper AND NOT ALLOW the stress to hover over you constantly. I may sound cold-hearted right now BUT I learned this lesson the hard way. Things don't stay the same when we taper. We are no longer our medicated happy selves. It is not easy but we can control certain things that bring us to tears if we have too. Easier said than done, I'm sure, but I am doing the exact thing that I am saying to you now. My daughter can find all kinds of errands for me to run. Errands that I do not mind doing for her BUT I CANNOT do it 7 days a week. My son is a single parent and I babysit my Gson alot. I CANNOT do it 24/7. I get tired and nervous. My hubby is gone fishing ( thanks goodness) but when he comes back, he will expect me to be normal as Apple Pie. I can't be normal right now Mishi. I need QUITE so I can do as Beeper said........

 

I think it isn't the stress that's bad but how we react to it.  Over many months I learned to use a variety of techniques to manage my anxiety and fears, including meditation, controlled breathing and even took a course in Tai Chi.  I kept trying one thing and another until I had a few things I could depend on to help me through the bad times...........Beeper

 

I hear your tears when you post but Mishi, you have got to take the time for yourself. Learn what is stressful for you and recognize it , learn to find a way to tell yourself that this is for a moment and it will pass.Tell your children to try and understand. Your a human being who deserves kindness. Be kind to yourself and MAKE time for you girl. You'll make it!

 

Your friend, Linda

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Mishi,

I completely understand what you are saying concerning your taper along with your family issues.

I too, have been tapering and when I felt it was the right time, I told my son,daughter and hubby what I was doing. I ask for them to simply remember it when I might be in a distressed mood. I too, love my family with all my heart but Mishi, they can forget your taper. Its as if they can't remember, act out for attention or simply don't understand all this. This is not your fault.

 

I just spent the last week giving my family all I had to give. In return, I crashed and burned. YOU must decide to do this taper AND NOT ALLOW the stress to hover over you constantly. I may sound cold-hearted right now BUT I learned this lesson the hard way. Things don't stay the same when we taper. We are no longer our medicated happy selves. It is not easy but we can control certain things that bring us to tears if we have too. Easier said than done, I'm sure, but I am doing the exact thing that I am saying to you now. My daughter can find all kinds of errands for me to run. Errands that I do not mind doing for her BUT I CANNOT do it 7 days a week. My son is a single parent and I babysit my Gson alot. I CANNOT do it 24/7. I get tired and nervous. My hubby is gone fishing ( thanks goodness) but when he comes back, he will expect me to be normal as Apple Pie. I can't be normal right now Mishi. I need QUITE so I can do as Beeper said........

 

I think it isn't the stress that's bad but how we react to it.  Over many months I learned to use a variety of techniques to manage my anxiety and fears, including meditation, controlled breathing and even took a course in Tai Chi.  I kept trying one thing and another until I had a few things I could depend on to help me through the bad times...........Beeper

 

I hear your tears when you post but Mishi, you have got to take the time for yourself. Learn what is stressful for you and recognize it , learn to find a way to tell yourself that this is for a moment and it will pass.Tell your children to try and understand. Your a human being who deserves kindness. Be kind to yourself and MAKE time for you girl. You'll make it!

 

Your friend, Linda

 

Hi Linda, thank you for getting back to me.. I hope your tapering is going well, and your life is much better for you.. I really do.I hear what you are saying about the stress and how we have to react to it... Linda, When your nervous system is so affected by this and your mind also, the stress is hard to ignore.. It is not like we have normal minds right now.. Mine alway's runs with me.. The K controls it.. I am not kidding you..When you do not feel safe and secure in your life with your loved ones that makes it worse.. I mentioned in my post about my hubby.. When he has an eposide of his biplor he does not think of what he is lashing out to me.. Linda, Please tell how a normal person could handle this. It is hard for them. I am sorry. You do not have experience with that.  It is probably not even right to explain it.. Forgive me.. My daughter I cannot spend time with her because she does not want to be with me at all. SHE IS MAD AND HATES ME.  She came home today an ignored me.. She blames me for the opiate use in the past which i did to get away from my hubby's illness... Now I want to change and get my life back in the WORSE way.. Even when I used the opiates i was stiill there for  her... When she was very sick at one time with cystic fiborisis (carrier) I lifted mountains for her.. She does not care about all of that at all right now.. Now I have to fight for my son back so I do not loose him either... He is home with me and He is the only one left that can help me with love and more maybe.. If he is not receptive to me I will loose it... Linda I commend you for all of your strength thru this.  A Grandma Wow..

You have been doing so much for everyone at home.. Now you are done... The same will happen to me.  At least yu have your daughter in your life...

 

Your hubby wants you to be like Apple Pie.. You are so funny. I like your personality.. I am glad the techniniques work for you.  Excuse the spelling.. This is my brain right now... I know it is suppose to come back..  I want to react like you with the stress. I hope I can.  How old is your grandson.. You look like such a young mom... I bet he is adorable... Linda, is your strength getting any better right now?  Gosh I hope so.. Are you eating okay and sleeping okay... Thank you my dear friend again.. thank you for the care and concern.. Wishing you better and better day's to come..  My prayer's are with you and know that I am so happy that you cared enough to write back to me... Please be Well and happy in your life.. Luv, Mishi

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Mishi,

I really felt your heart when you posted back. I looked at your world and I could see some of the issues you are dealing with. A mad teenage girl can be a real hand full, not counting your hubbies bi-polar. I made suggestions to you that might help you out.

Please don't think that I have all my ducks in a row. Far from it. Dealing with stress is my worst symptom. I have trouble with my sleep as well. I have just been given a break for awhile since the hubby is fishing.

What I hoped to help you to understand is that our family can be the toughest on us at times. If they were strangers, we could just ignore them but thats not the case, is it?

I don't know what your daughter may be dealing with. Have you ever been able to sit with her and get her to speak honestly with you? You seem to know what it is but if you are trying to make your life better, would it be so wrong to ask her for her help? Sometimes, the best talks are always between a Mother and Daughter.

I am sorry about your hubbies illness. I don't know that much about it except for the mood changes. Does he know how he acts when he lashes out?

I can only offer you my friendship and a shoulder to lean on.  I hope that you "see" what you are up against and know that when all devil is breaking loose, you can come here and post your feelings. In some way, that seems to help me put things into perspective and I can look at my problems in another way. It will amaze you how others can look into your world and offer suggestions on how to deal with it.

You just keep posting and you will find your way. I know you can.

 

Your friend, Linda

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Mishi,

I think I can relate to your situation to be right in line with mine.  My adult son has a sever Mental Illness and I have to deal with all of his delusions, drinking, medications, dr appts, hygiene, smoking and etc........  He was in the hospital for 5 mos and has been out the last 2.  I also was addicted to Opiates and c/t a few years ago.  That was a piece of cake compared to this.  I am married but cant live with my husband because of the stress of my son in that situation.  I am stuck with my son basically 24/7 and never ever get a break.  I feel like I am going mad at times but don't have a choice but to try to live in the moment and deal the best I can.  It is not easy by no means but I don't ever think that I wont overcome benzos.  I will fight this fight no matter how bad my life is at this time.  Hang in there.  You are not alone.

Renee

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Mishi,

I think I can relate to your situation to be right in line with mine.  My adult son has a sever Mental Illness and I have to deal with all of his delusions, drinking, medications, dr appts, hygiene, smoking and etc........  He was in the hospital for 5 mos and has been out the last 2.  I also was addicted to Opiates and c/t a few years ago.  That was a piece of cake compared to this.  I am married but cant live with my husband because of the stress of my son in that situation.  I am stuck with my son basically 24/7 and never ever get a break.  I feel like I am going mad at times but don't have a choice but to try to live in the moment and deal the best I can.  It is not easy by no means but I don't ever think that I wont overcome benzos.  I will fight this fight no matter how bad my life is at this time.  Hang in there.  You are not alone.

Renee

Mishi,

I think I can relate to your situation to be right in line with mine.  My adult son has a sever Mental Illness and I have to deal with all of his delusions, drinking, medications, dr appts, hygiene, smoking and etc........  He was in the hospital for 5 mos and has been out the last 2.  I also was addicted to Opiates and c/t a few years ago.  That was a piece of cake compared to this.  I am married but cant live with my husband because of the stress of my son in that situation.  I am stuck with my son basically 24/7 and never ever get a break.  I feel like I am going mad at times but don't have a choice but to try to live in the moment and deal the best I can.  It is not easy by no means but I don't ever think that I wont overcome benzos.  I will fight this fight no matter how bad my life is at this time.  Hang in there.  You are not alone.

Renee

Mishi,

I really felt your heart when you posted back. I looked at your world and I could see some of the issues you are dealing with. A mad teenage girl can be a real hand full, not counting your hubbies bi-polar. I made suggestions to you that might help you out.

Please don't think that I have all my ducks in a row. Far from it. Dealing with stress is my worst symptom. I have trouble with my sleep as well. I have just been given a break for awhile since the hubby is fishing.

What I hoped to help you to understand is that our family can be the toughest on us at times. If they were strangers, we could just ignore them but thats not the case, is it?

I don't know what your daughter may be dealing with. Have you ever been able to sit with her and get her to speak honestly with you? You seem to know what it is but if you are trying to make your life better, would it be so wrong to ask her for her help? Sometimes, the best talks are always between a Mother and Daughter.

I am sorry about your hubbies illness. I don't know that much about it except for the mood changes. Does he know how he acts when he lashes out?

I can only offer you my friendship and a shoulder to lean on.  I hope that you "see" what you are up against and know that when all devil is breaking loose, you can come here and post your feelings. In some way, that seems to help me put things into perspective and I can look at my problems in another way. It will amaze you how others can look into your world and offer suggestions on how to deal with it.

You just keep posting and you will find your way. I know you can.

 

Your friend, Linda

Mishi,

I think I can relate to your situation to be right in line with mine.  My adult son has a sever Mental Illness and I have to deal with all of his delusions, drinking, medications, dr appts, hygiene, smoking and etc........  He was in the hospital for 5 mos and has been out the last 2.  I also was addicted to Opiates and c/t a few years ago.  That was a piece of cake compared to this.  I am married but cant live with my husband because of the stress of my son in that situation.  I am stuck with my son basically 24/7 and never ever get a break.  I feel like I am going mad at times but don't have a choice but to try to live in the moment and deal the best I can.  It is not easy by no means but I don't ever think that I wont overcome benzos.  I will fight this fight no matter how bad my life is at this time.  Hang in there.  You are not alone.

Renee

Renee I feel so bad for you.

Mishi,

I completely understand what you are saying concerning your taper along with your family issues.

I too, have been tapering and when I felt it was the right time, I told my son,daughter and hubby what I was doing. I ask for them to simply remember it when I might be in a distressed mood. I too, love my family with all my heart but Mishi, they can forget your taper. Its as if they can't remember, act out for attention or simply don't understand all this. This is not your fault.

 

I just spent the last week giving my family all I had to give. In return, I crashed and burned. YOU must decide to do this taper AND NOT ALLOW the stress to hover over you constantly. I may sound cold-hearted right now BUT I learned this lesson the hard way. Things don't stay the same when we taper. We are no longer our medicated happy selves. It is not easy but we can control certain things that bring us to tears if we have too. Easier said than done, I'm sure, but I am doing the exact thing that I am saying to you now. My daughter can find all kinds of errands for me to run. Errands that I do not mind doing for her BUT I CANNOT do it 7 days a week. My son is a single parent and I babysit my Gson alot. I CANNOT do it 24/7. I get tired and nervous. My hubby is gone fishing ( thanks goodness) but when he comes back, he will expect me to be normal as Apple Pie. I can't be normal right now Mishi. I need QUITE so I can do as Beeper said........

 

I think it isn't the stress that's bad but how we react to it.  Over many months I learned to use a variety of techniques to manage my anxiety and fears, including meditation, controlled breathing and even took a course in Tai Chi.  I kept trying one thing and another until I had a few things I could depend on to help me through the bad times...........Beeper

 

I hear your tears when you post but Mishi, you have got to take the time for yourself. Learn what is stressful for you and recognize it , learn to find a way to tell yourself that this is for a moment and it will pass.Tell your children to try and understand. Your a human being who deserves kindness. Be kind to yourself and MAKE time for you girl. You'll make it!

 

Your friend, Linda

 

I am not sure if I quoted in the right place for renee.. I feel so bad for you right now.. i am sorry you are going  thru so much in your life  My heart aches for you... I feel for your pain..

We can share here together as we both struggle along with this.. Your are a fighter and keep going.. If you can do this then I can fight also... Be well renee.  I will be here for you  Luv, Mishi

 

Hi Linda, thank you for getting back to me.. I hope your tapering is going well, and your life is much better for you.. I really do.I hear what you are saying about the stress and how we have to react to it... Linda, When your nervous system is so affected by this and your mind also, the stress is hard to ignore.. It is not like we have normal minds right now.. Mine alway's runs with me.. The K controls it.. I am not kidding you..When you do not feel safe and secure in your life with your loved ones that makes it worse.. I mentioned in my post about my hubby.. When he has an eposide of his biplor he does not think of what he is lashing out to me.. Linda, Please tell how a normal person could handle this. It is hard for them. I am sorry. You do not have experience with that.  It is probably not even right to explain it.. Forgive me.. My daughter I cannot spend time with her because she does not want to be with me at all. SHE IS MAD AND HATES ME.  She came home today an ignored me.. She blames me for the opiate use in the past which i did to get away from my hubby's illness... Now I want to change and get my life back in the WORSE way.. Even when I used the opiates i was stiill there for  her... When she was very sick at one time with cystic fiborisis (carrier) I lifted mountains for her.. She does not care about all of that at all right now.. Now I have to fight for my son back so I do not loose him either... He is home with me and He is the only one left that can help me with love and more maybe.. If he is not receptive to me I will loose it... Linda I commend you for all of your strength thru this.  A Grandma Wow..

You have been doing so much for everyone at home.. Now you are done... The same will happen to me.  At least yu have your daughter in your life...

 

Your hubby wants you to be like Apple Pie.. You are so funny. I like your personality.. I am glad the techniniques work for you.  Excuse the spelling.. This is my brain right now... I know it is suppose to come back..  I want to react like you with the stress. I hope I can.  How old is your grandson.. You look like such a young mom... I bet he is adorable... Linda, is your strength getting any better right now?  Gosh I hope so.. Are you eating okay and sleeping okay... Thank you my dear friend again.. thank you for the care and concern.. Wishing you better and better day's to come..  My prayer's are with you and know that I am so happy that you cared enough to write back to me... Please be Well and happy in your life.. Luv, Mishi

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Dear Mishi, Im having some of the same anxiety too. i can say to try and stay busy to keep your mind from thinking about worrying things. I started playing chess against the computer (I will beat it one day... maybe) just to keep busy.

And you DO have friends right here. Think of us, we are thinking about you.

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