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The windows continue to evolve


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A couple of weeks ago I had an energy and motivation window. I woke up one day and within a half hour I was a functional human being for the first time in a long time. I effortlessly cranked out some ad copy I had been trying to write. I made phone calls and wrote emails. I worked on some video and graphic design. All of these things were virtually impossible for me the day before the window opened.

 

My latest window opened yesterday. The first thing I noticed was a tingling in the back of my head when I woke up in the morning. At first I couldn't figure out what was going on but I finally realized it was that icky feeling of having a boat anchor strapped to my head finally lifting. This morning the tingling was even more intense. It was pushing up the back of my head and part way down my spine. It was as if my head wanted to float up off the pillow. This is the complete opposite of how I feel most days.

 

The other thing that I noticed was that my breathing had changed. The best way I can describe it would be the way I have felt in the past when I woke up after a very restful night's sleep after an exhausting day. Or after drinking a full octane latte. My lungs felt like they were coming to life, sucking in the sweet life giving oxygen. I felt like I had a breathe right strip on my nose. My nasal passages were wide open and although there wasn't anything particular around that I could smell I was picking up small nuances of scent.

 

I am beginning to see just how dead I have been for the past few years. How could my doctor not be able to figure out that instead of helping me by pumping me full of psychotropic meds she was actually poisoning me?

 

This experience is giving me a new perspective on my body, my life, and the world in which I live. The consolation to this horrible experience is that I know I will come out the other side a much better person.

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Hallelujah! FloridaGuy.

 

Stock up on the Windex, keep those windows nice and clean so you don't miss anything. It has to be a really great feeling to have a glimpse of who you will become. You seem like a great guy, you deserve a break!

 

The best to you!

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This was very interesting for me as I think I am a month behind you.  I have experienced some tingling feelings along my spine so it was very encouraging to hear this.  Good for you FloridaGuy!  I will continue to follow your progress.
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The interesting thing is that when I felt that sensation in my neck this morning I remember thinking that it could also manifest itself as anxiety. I feel a lot different after I get out of bed (sometimes good sometimes not) than I do while I am laying in bed awake.

 

I felt good for several hours today and then my business partner stopped by and I started to go downhill. I remember hoping he would leave. After he left I had to head out to run some errands and by the time I got out of the parking garage I had some of the worst anxiety I have felt in a couple of months. It was the panicky kind of anxiety that comes with agitation that would turn into rage if it got any worse. It was worse than I have experienced in awhile but it didn't get too bad and even sitting here now it feels like it is going away.

 

What a roller coaster ride. I'm still taking all of these rapid changes as a good sign though. It just feels more like something is happening.

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It sounds as if you are handling this all very well, and enjoying the freedom that benzo free brings.

 

Withdrawal from benzos is so unpredictable. It puts us all to the test. Nicely done!

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Good to hear of your progress Florida.  I had the same tingles when I had my first windows.  My waves are very intense this week and I'm looking for some relief soon.  Keep us in the loop.  Billwill
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Florida Guy,

 

Thanks for posting!  This helps me tremendously since I am a couple of months behind you and can see the progress you are making.  I too get some pretty good windows but they don't last as long as I would like.  I'm still dealing mostly with head pressure sensations and anxiety.  I've heard between months 2-3 could be the worst and then start getting better.  Praying that is the case with me!

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Florida - did/do you have adrenaline surges where you felt on edge for many hours?  I am experiencing this in the morning and it is horrible.  Billwill
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I am going to chime in Billwill, I had horrible adrenaline rushes between my 2nd and 3rd month.  I felt like ;i had been plugged into a wall socket, like a 24-48 straight panic attack or something.  They diminished when I hit month 4, and now at almost month 5 they are so much better.  I used to DREAD mornings because of that, just awful! 
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That is good to hear.  I have that same problem.  I am keyed up in the morning and dread it.  Its like I have to keep active to stay sain.  If I have a meeting at work in the am, it is torture.  Also, its difficult on the weekends to just "chill out".  Can't do it!  Ready for this stage to pass!
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I had horrible adrenaline rushes between my 2nd and 3rd month.  I used to DREAD mornings because of that, just awful! 

 

Thanks Perseverance - having read a lot of your posts I seem to be following in your footsteps.  This is me right now!  Bill

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I too get some pretty good windows but they don't last as long as I would like.

 

I hear you. They seem to be getting longer as time passes but I have only felt REALLY good for a few hours at a time. Not complaining at all but a total of maybe 12 hours of truly feeling good in the past few years isn't much.

 

Today I woke up again with more tingling, this time it is spread out more over the back of my head. So far I feel pretty good. No big urge to get lots of stuff done or run up and kiss someone, but good enough to let me know that I am healing and that in itself is a huge thing. If I drink too much and get a bad hangover I know that all I have to do is sleep it off and I will feel better the next day. Even if the benzo WD weren't many times worse than a hangover it would still drag you into the ground since you have no idea how long you are going to feel terrible.

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Florida - did/do you have adrenaline surges where you felt on edge for many hours?  I am experiencing this in the morning and it is horrible.  Billwill

 

Yesterday afternoon and evening when the window closed I was definitely in fight or flight mode for a few hours.

 

That was however the first time this has happened in awhile. After month 2-3 the morning anxiety and the depression and anxiety in general has slowly subsided. You are right in the middle of the worst part. It's all downhill from here. Since the changes happen slowly it might take awhile for you to see that you are getting better but eventually you will.

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Florida Guy,

 

Are you taking any other medication for your anxiety now, or are you off all meds?  I too was prescribed Clonazepam originally for anxiety, and just want to make sure now that the morning anxiety I am feeling is from the benzo withdrawal and not an underlying "anxiety condition".  Also, when in January was your last day on benzos?  Thanks for your help!

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Florida Guy,

 

Are you taking any other medication for your anxiety now, or are you off all meds?  I too was prescribed Clonazepam originally for anxiety, and just want to make sure now that the morning anxiety I am feeling is from the benzo withdrawal and not an underlying "anxiety condition".  Also, when in January was your last day on benzos?  Thanks for your help!

 

The only thing I am taking is St John's Wort which I started taking back when I was experiencing horrible depression. Impossible to say whether or not it helped but it didn't seem to hurt so I kept taking it. I do know that it definitely effects the body similar to an SSRI because when I started taking it I had some mild side effects (like night sweats) that were identical to those I experienced on the milder SSRI's. I think I am going to buy one more bottle of the smaller caps so I can taper off once this bottle is gone.

 

As for when I stopped the clonazepam.....I was such a wreck back then I don't even remember. I think my goal was to be off on January 1st and if I remember correctly I took my last dose on NYE, but I think I might have popped a .25 once or twice during the following couple of weeks so it's hard to say but for all intents and purposes it was New Years.

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Thanks for being a beacon of recovery. I appreciate your involvement! I'm glad to hear we can "turn the corner".    Scott
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