please help

[[no...]]

Some of you may know I have been struggling with the decision to begin a taper. I have had a daughter having/recovering from surgery, and several big life moments that have complicated my plan.

My time on k is 3 and a half yrs at .25.  I have tried ywice to get of, and got to 3 and then 8 wks. Its a year lter and for months my situation has been in a decline. I read the post on benzo brain after a day long series of forgetfulness, getting lost driving, etc. It feels as though I am always lost in this internal world of thought that I am never in the present moment. I continually find myself first anxious and then obsessing about it- analyzing why and how to the point that it scares me.

I am at a crossroad here. I am changing jobs, starting grad school= all things I don't want to screw up.

But this fear and obsession is out of control. Obviously, the klonopin is not helping, but I know my measly .25 is a barely there dose. It was where I went to when I reinstated and it seemed to help a bit last fall to the end of the year. my husband is urging me to start an SSRI before tapering, saying that my baseline anxiety os high, and I will still need help with it with or without k. I am wondering if anyone has had real success with an SSrI. And I am wondering how realistic it is for me to think that this torrent of fear and weird obsessiveness is tolerance. is it just another obsession to try and tease out why? And what the heck to do when I think of quitting- if this is all just me escalating on my own...then I need to go up not fown. I just read posts about tolerance making things worse, and am needing those who have any experience with this to share-

Thinking I am going insane...This is such a low dose I must be crating this in my head.

Any replies greatly appreciated

[[Be...]]

I tried every SSRI and Tricyclic on the planet when I was in tolerance withdrawal and not one of them helped me at all; in fact, they actually made things worse.  Nothing I took or tried helped me when I was where you are currently at right now.  The only thing that helped was getting off of benzos and giving my body time to heal.  At 11 months off, I am feeling fantastic compared to the hell I was in this time last year, and my anxiety has gone from a 10 to a .5 since withdrawing and healing.

 

We have had a few members who have found that an SSRI helped them during withdrawal, but the vast majority found that using an A/D only served to make their situation worse.

[[Pe...]]

My tolerance w/d escalated to the point where I became homebound and I was on an SSRI.  I became paranoid around people and everything felt overwhelming.  My body was becoming physically ill and my mind was losing clarity and focus.  My memory had become shot.  That is what happened to me while I was still on benzos and an SSRI.

 

Now that I am off them all of this is slowly turning around.

 

I can only tell you that tolerance was real in my case and SSRIs compounded my problems and did nothing for the benzo induced anxiety I was having.

 

I wish you all the best.

[[no...]]

Thank you both- I'm leaving for work now, after driving 3 hours to take daughter for post-op dr visit. Gave me too much time to rumintae, with so many doubts. I have a real anxiety problem, but am really cincerened that the k is making it worse, Thanks again- S

[[Fl...]]

I wasn't prepared to go on a full blown SSRI with the mixed experiences I have had with them in the past but when my symptoms were at their worst I couldn't take it any more and started on St. John's Wort. I can't say whether or not it has helped me but it didn't seem to make my symptoms worse so I am still on it a few months later. Probably going to taper off of it soon though since I am feeling better overall.

 

As for when to begin tapering that's tough. I had read some things about benzo WD well before I started my taper and I knew that I had too much going on to subject myself to the possibility of bad WD at that time so I waited another year or so before pulling the trigger. In retrospect I kind of wish I had done it earlier  than I did but my WD was nasty so it's probably good that I did wait.

[[Ka...]]

Hi,

 

I would urge you NOT to take an SSRI. It might compound your symptoms and make things worse! I'm curious why your husband would suggest this? Is he a doctor? I've never come across any literature stating that this is a good idea for someone in benzo withdrawal.

 

-katie

[[no...]]

I think he suggested it because he feels my initial anxiety/ocd problem will be there once the benzo is not there. We were told it would help with w/d.  My issue seems mostly to be- can this really vbe tolerance w/d when I am only on such a low dose, or am I just hoping for something outside myself to attribute it to?

I am just such a mess, and when  I read about others tol w/d- they seem to have been on higher doses.

I don't know anything right now...just feel this overwhelming fear combined with dread and a weird not quite rightness...sometimes even grief...

At work now so better go distract myself-

Thanks buddies

[[Pe...]]

I was definitely in tolerance w/d when I was only on 0.5 mg of Ativan.  Hope that helps!

[[no...]]

Perserverance- How did you know it? -Thank you so much for helping me- S

[[Pe...]]

I didn't know it at the time.  I know it now in hindsight.  I started to lose weight, have urinary frequency and urgency, had uncontrollable bouts of anxiety, started avoiding people, had many digestive problems, got aches and pains in various parts of my body, became a hypochondriac and a worry wort, my short term memory became really bad, my eyes and mouth became dry, it became difficult to retrieve words from my memory and had trouble with pronunciation, had fuzzy thinking, bouts of depression....I could go on and on...all this at 0.5 mg.

 

Things went steadily down hill through the years.  I didn't increase my dosage until the last 5 years and then things really spiraled.  I was on a really low dose of Ativan for about 5 years (before the last 5 years) and had all I listed above.

 

It sneaks up on you so you are not sure if it is really the drug doing it.  But now that I am free of the drug it is easier to sort things out.

[Guest [my...]]

Per and North,

did you find that taking the drug made the anxiety worse at times?

[[no...]]

Thats just it- my question is your question. How to know? I had some pretty severe anx before I went on klonopin. So as far as worse? Well- all I can factually say is that I am still on it- a steady dose- and things have been really bad. I honestly do not know if it is simply the dose- I have become tolerant, or the drug is exacerbating things. I mean- anxiety disorders themselves cycle= so I do not know which is which.

Perhaps it comes down to whatever the root= this klonopin is def not making anything better.

the choice is- will it be worse on nothing at all?

Wish I could answer your question, but you and I have the same uncertainty. Perseverance is on the other side- able to see it was? Aah...its all so murky.

[[Pe...]]

I never had the type of anxiety I had while on benzos.  During my Ativan to Valium crossover it ramped up more, and after Detox it exploded.  You may have a non drug induced anxiety, but I think benzos create a drug induced anxiety that may be adding on to and increasing any original anxiety you had before.

 

I do not know even one BB that has not had increased anxiety from taking benzos, tapering them, or withdrawing from them.

[Guest [my...]]

 

Yes, you are right we have the same uncertainty. 

 

Thats just it- my question is your question. How to know? I had some pretty severe anx before I went on klonopin. So as far as worse? Well- all I can factually say is that I am still on it- a steady dose- and things have been really bad. I honestly do not know if it is simply the dose- I have become tolerant, or the drug is exacerbating things. I mean- anxiety disorders themselves cycle= so I do not know which is which.

Perhaps it comes down to whatever the root= this klonopin is def not making anything better.

the choice is- will it be worse on nothing at all?

Wish I could answer your question, but you and I have the same uncertainty. Perseverance is on the other side- able to see it was? Aah...its all so murky.

[[no...]]

uncerainty is right- but you know perseverance has a point- everyone even those who have not taken benzos for anxiety  have it during w/d and tolerance--so it would stand to reason we would have an additional helping of it too...along with our own...ugh.

Ok- how about this question...do you ever have random weird thoughts or just rushes of emotion that do not correspond to whats happening around you? I know it sounds weird. For example, I am at work and glance at the sky out the window and have this rush of weird... I don't know, sadness, anxiety something like that. Been having really odd moments and hoping SOMEBODY maybe can reassure me that I am not crawling into madness here as it seems really freaky:)

[Guest [my...]]

ok. well this is freaky.  This started happening to me about 3 months ago.  It does not sound weird to me because that is what has been happening to me and I don't for the life of me know where it is coming from.  This is happening to me everyday. It comes out of NOWHERE and it has it's own mind of how long it's going to last.  then it just leaves.  but I know it will be back.  I understand, yet I don't understand what it is.

[[Pe...]]

Benzos steal your emotions and make you flat.  When your emotions start coming alive again things like this can happen.  And not in a way that makes sense...it is like it is sputtering as it tries to turn things on again - and it happens randomly and instantaneously for no reason.  I would take that as a good sign because the brain is starting to kick in your emotions.

 

 

[[no...]]

but what if I am not tapering yet?  It just feels like my thoughts are so weird and emotions so disconnected to whats happening...I do for sure feel that flatness you speak of....

[Guest [my...]]

It's just really weird what is going on.  1 mg used to last me 24 hours or more.  Now when I take it, it actually gives me anxiety.  And the depression is getting out of hand.  REALLY out of hand.

I'm scared.  I feel nothing but sadness EVER.  I can't remember the last time I laughed. 

thanks per.

[[no...]]

Cappi- The last time I laughed was when my dr suggested he give me a prescription for xanax to help with the withdrawal from klonopin.

Seriously.

Kinda like me wanting to quit drinking vodka so he gives me whiskey to help.LOL

[[Pe...]]

but what if I am not tapering yet?  It just feels like my thoughts are so weird and emotions so disconnected to whats happening...I do for sure feel that flatness you speak of....

 

As long as benzos are effecting your emotions your emotions will be out of whack.

[Guest [my...]]

North,

I could not be more flat inside.  This is a horrible feeling and I can't stand it.  I'm DEAD inside.  you are not alone.

 

Mamie