Going backwards

[[li...]]

I am over 4 months and having a heck of a time.  Bad burning, you name it.  I was doing ok, far from normal but ok.  any one around this time, how are you doing.  Linder

[[Ma...]]

Hey Linder..hopefully Perseverance, Woodrowe and Wellness will stop by because I know they are just a bit ahead of you.  Could this be a wave?  Things have gotten worse or just not better?

 

Love ya!

Mary

[Guest [CM...]]

Hey Linder.

I'm over 6 months off and still struggling with sleep. Slept 9 hours the night before last and like one hour last night. Most of my other symptoms, aside from GI stuff and sleep issues, have resolved. When I sleep a full uninterrupted night, I am 85% or better and some days totally symptom free.

My symptoms peaked big time between 3 and 4 months, 4 months was really, really bad. I turned a corner around 5 months and most of the terror, panic, crazy thoughts etc went away. I am praying that sleep will come back and be consistent and then I know I will heal. You will too. I know you and Welly are also having sleep problems. We heal so much more when we sleep so we have to get ourselves sleeping well. I promise you, you will get better. I was in such BAD shape, contemplating checking out on many occasions...Yesterday after sleeping 9 hours I went to a yoga class - (mild energy work, not downward dog style sweating yoga). I had lunch out with hubby and friend and went to a little workshop on healing and I even drove to the farm stands out East (NY) to get some nice organic produce and some farm fresh eggs. Then I cooked dinner for my husband and friend. I do feel normal when I sleep and I couldn't drive for well over a year. I could not take a shower with the door or curtain closed. I was really BAD....

Last night maybe 1-2 hours sleep and sick as a dog today... but yesterday is in my heart and mind....

Remember the good days, the golfing, the chickens ;-) etc...

You WILL get those back again...

I'm not a golfer, but if you ever golfed an under par game  - you KNOW you can do it, because you did it before...right. So you have had good days, you will have them again. you KNOW they are possible. This is just a setback. It will pass.

Much love

Melo

[[li...]]

Thanks Melo, this so much torture.  I just want my life back.  I get so scared when I read some post at over a year are not any better.  I am usually strong and a fighter but this last wave is horrible.  Why the hell does it have to be so brutal.  I am really finding myself questioning Do we really heal.  I don't want to post this way.  I am so angry and tired and scared.  Linder xo

[[sa...]]

Linder

keep the faith I am a buddy of Wood's i to am a little over 4 months out and i can say the heat has been turned up as far as symptoms go..burning, pain etc stay the course! u r are not alone !

chip

[[li...]]

Thanks Sammy, I need to hear this.  I thought maybe I was different then everyone else.  Hows Woody.  Linder

[[we...]]

linder,

 

I'm really being hit right now too, definitely got worse for me too.  others who got worse are amyslyn, woodrowe, shan, lah, jamesgary, zugora, others.  My hours of sleep are improving, but still difficult nights, with shaking, tremors nausea, etc. etc.  Sorry I could not reply yesterday, I was having another "coping day", I shake as i write this note.  My mantra when I can manage is "relax the brain and let the body heal".  my thoughts are with you.

[[li...]]

My thoughts are with you to Wellness.  I  did read where 3,4 and 5th month can be hard.  I guess my I was trying to ignore it.  It can sure fool you.  I will call you next week.  Linder

[Guest [CM...]]

Linder,

Based on what I've heard about you from Welly and read on your posts and blogs, you are doing really well. I meant it, I could NOT take a shower alone until 5 months, was a total basket case... I know we ALL want out life back, Oh God my life is so much different now and I won't accept this and neither will you. None of us will. I know you are super strong, you are going to get thru this wave and post to us about the kick a$$ stuff in your garden and golfing and all the fun things you are going to do this summer. It won't be lost. I know it won't.

This is just a setback, it's awful, painful, scary and just downright bites the big one...

I know it too, I can't believe here I am on the darn couch again.. grrrrrrrr 

I just have to get thru today and I know I'm one more day closer to wellness - (not Welly  ).

We will get there, one day at a time, one post at a time, one chat at a time.

this too shall pass. being scared is natural, who the heck could have ever imagined anything like this, it IS scary. But we have each other so we know we are not alone.

Much love

Melo

[[we...]]

Melo, you write sooo well.

 

I call it benzo brain, the feeling that we can't cope.  I wish the d/r would go away, and that I could feel hunger, and... and... and...  but I know in my heart of heart that we are getting better.  Melo is 85% several days now, I'm about 30%

[[li...]]

I do to Wellness know in my heart we will get better. 

[[li...]]

You are so right Melo, We will get throughthis together.  I am so glad I have all you guys.  Linder xo

[[Ma...]]

Melo and Wellness and you too Linder...you are all SUCH a blessing to me.  Just when I think I can't go on another minute...I find something you have written that makes me understand that it IS possible to survive this hell.  You are right Wellness...I get these horrid moments of panic and frantic like I can't make it, can't cope.  I swear if I could just get past that, I can do absolutely anything.  That and the DP/DR.  Love you all more than you will ever know. 

 

Melo--thanks for hanging around here...please don't leave us as you are farthest along and can see the light that we can't see.

 

Mary

[[Ma...]]

Julie...you are at 30% now.  Where did you start?

[[li...]]

F- False

 

E-Evidence

 

A-Appearing

 

R-Real

 

False Evidence Appearing Real!!!

 

This is what Rob wrote down for me today.  Then he asked, Did you lose your Faith in God.   Linder

[Guest [CM...]]

I am grateful for all of you too, it means so much to know we are all in this fight together. We are rebuilding our reserves and we will win this battle.... Love you all.. Linder, Mary, Welly, Sunny....

 

It is I who must begin.

Once I begin, once I try --

here and now,

right where I am,

not excusing myself

by saying things

would be easier elsewhere,

without grand speeches and

ostentatious gestures,

but all the more persistently

-- to live in harmony

with the "voice of Being," as I

understand it within myself

-- as soon as I begin that,

I suddenly discover,

to my surprise, that

I am neither the only one,

nor the first,

nor the most important one

to have set out

upon that road.

 

Whether all is really lost

or not depends entirely on

whether or not I am lost.

[[Ma...]]

Fantastic Melo...did you write that?

[[Pe...]]

Linder,

 

Your signature says off since April, was that the beginning, middle, or end of April?

 

Anyway, at the very end of my 3rd month I had a set back that lasted for 7 days straight.  I felt like I was back at day one.  But when it finally ended I had one of the biggest turn arounds symptom wise ever.  That happens to a lot of us.  Often times these set backs are strong indications of good things to come.

[[to...]]

hi linder,I'm having the same sx,s it started two days ago this burning inside is horrible i feel like my blood is lava or something because its all over my body and i  am just a little behind you im 15 Weeks off so let hang in there and lets this wave past

[[li...]]

Hi, I was off Remeron in .April of 2010.  The Benzo I was off Jan. 31st of this year. I sure hope your right on good things to come.  Linder

[[he...]]

Hi Linder, I am off 13 mths and 3 weeks today from a c/t of being on K for only 4 1/2 mths only!!!!!! , I too feel liek I am gng backwards , the past 3 mths my symptoms have really reved up and more came up as well. Nothing has ever left me , in alot of pain from the stinging all over , these drugs are poison , hang in there hun

 

Love Laura

[[li...]]

You hang on to Help.  I do know in my heart we will all heal.  Linder xo

[[we...]]

have you seen this

 

http://www.benzosupport.org/recovery_times.htm

[[Pe...]]

Interesting stuff wellness!

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Wellness, but this doesn't seem to jive with people's experiences here...worst symptoms first 2 months, most significant improvements in first 6?  I only know one person who has had this experience out of every story I have read.  Love it if it's true,but...What say you?

 

Love,

Mary