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The benzo WD doesn't hesitate to remind me who is the boss


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At just over 5 months off I am doing quite a bit better than I was just a few weeks ago, but just when I get settled into the idea that I was going to feel better I get hit by a wave that reminds me that this ordeal isn't over.

 

Last week I had a really good window. Lots of energy and motivation. Over a two day period I was able to accomplish more than I had in the prior two months combined. I was really glad to finally be able to find the motivation to do something other than stare at the computer or tv all day.

 

I had a pretty good run. I felt good for 4 or 5 days. But then things started to deteriorate. The low grade anxiety and depression came back, and once again I have zero motivation to do anything productive. My head is foggy and achy and I can't concentrate on anything for more than a few seconds.

 

Man, these windows are such a tease. I knew that the relief I felt last week was probably going to be short lived but going from feeling iffy to feeling like a normal human being again almost had me convinced that there was a chance that I might finally be healed.

 

At least I have reached a point where even when I do feel bad it doesn't feel like the death sentence that it once did. A few months ago when I was in the thick of WD it was impossible to embrace the idea that I would one day be well again. After spending a few years in a downward spiral and finally hitting rock bottom in the throes of WD it would be very difficult for anyone to see a happy ending. Throw in the negativity brought on by the benzo brain and everything truly seemed hopeless for awhile.

 

I'm just grateful that I am far enough out that I can finally look back and see how much progress I have made. Until you are able to see a pattern of positive change it really does feel like you are condemned to live a life of misery. The positives don't even have to outweigh the negatives- you just have to be able to recognize a pattern of healing and once you do you realize that one day everything is eventually going to be ok again.

 

 

 

 

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[29...]

:) :) :)

 

Thank you :)

 

I am at 2.5 months and as you put it "in the thick of it"

 

Reading this post gives me strength and hope.  It also comforts me. I've been following your story for a while now and I'm so glad your doing well :)

 

Keep on trucking! You're an inspiration to us all.

 

Nicole

 

 

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At just over 5 months off I am doing quite a bit better than I was just a few weeks ago, but just when I get settled into the idea that I was going to feel better I get hit by a wave that reminds me that this ordeal isn't over.

 

Me too my friend. I had an ok week last week and then two days ago, boom my sxs increased in intensity  :crazy:

 

just grateful that I am far enough out that I can finally look back and see how much progress I have made. Until you are able to see a pattern of positive change it really does feel like you are condemned to live a life of misery. The positives don't even have to outweigh the negatives- you just have to be able to recognize a pattern of healing and once you do you realize that one day everything is eventually going to be ok again.

 

Totally agree, it has been a hard few months but progress is being made. It is just so painfully slow.

 

 

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Dear FloridaGuy, This is more of a question to you than me helping you but I will say you have been an inspiratiocontinuo please continue to post what is happening to you. Knowing everything you've been through at this point, would you still recommend someone like me only being off Klonopin since April 24th, to continue on? I'm so full of anxiety, I'm just about ready to give up. You seem like such a good guy, I wish you all the best but could you tell me what keeps you going to beat this nightmare?
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I know Floridaguy, it's like a cruel joke right?  But you are correct, we had good days to remind us we are infact healing and it is going too happen.  I think when you finally get a good day or two your hope gets a ginormous boost!
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Today was an odd day.

 

I woke up feeling a little better. Even managed to do some work. But then I left the house and immediately I started getting jumpy. My nerves felt raw. I was yawning uncontrollably. Even now as I type this I feel like I still have energy and am able to get some things done but at the same time I am feeling tired and down. I know that sounds like a contradiction. I can assure you that's what it feels like as well.

 

Dear FloridaGuy, This is more of a question to you than me helping you but I will say you have been an inspiratiocontinuo please continue to post what is happening to you. Knowing everything you've been through at this point, would you still recommend someone like me only being off Klonopin since April 24th, to continue on? I'm so full of anxiety, I'm just about ready to give up. You seem like such a good guy, I wish you all the best but could you tell me what keeps you going to beat this nightmare?

 

I would absolutely recommend that you continue on. This stuff is poison, no if's, and's, or but's about it.

 

When I started to feel better I finally realized the extent of what this drug had done to me even while I was taking it. During my windows it is as if the entire world comes alive. At those moments I can see just how much this drug has taken from me. You are probably in the worst of it right now. If you are like most of us it is still going to take some time before you will be able to truly believe that you will eventually get better. Until then you just have to trust in those who have gone through this and know that no matter what your benzo brain is telling you can and will heal from this.

 

What can you do to keep yourself going? I wish I could answer that. A few months ago when I was in a world of hurt I didn't know how I was going to make it through. I just did what I could do to keep my head above water and waited as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months.

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