I FINALLY DID IT!!!

[[Ma...]]

Hi all,

I have been on Klonopin since '07.  I thought it was a miracle for my anxiety and panic attacks. This was until I hit tolerance. During my time on klonopin I began experiencing HORRIBLE DR/DP..I mean it was just horrible. I felt as if I was on a very strange LSD trip. The DR/DP was so bad I had to leave my job and pretty much checked out of life. I had no idea what was wrong with me. Then I woke up one day with this horrible noise in my left ear which sounded like a tea kettle going off. I PANICKED , I started cleaning out my ear with peroxide, went to my PCP and he checked my ears said everything look fine. This is when I first heard the term "Tinnitus".  I came home and wept like a baby, cried over and over again. I thought long and hard about suicide, thinking there was no way I could live like this. After many many months of worsening symptoms and dose increases and getting no relief (I was in tolerance and didn't know it) I began abusing alcohol and other drugs. This went on for months. I then met a person that was in recovery (a 12 step program)  I began going to meetings with him.  This is where my life changed. Over time I learned to accept the things that were going on with me and stop fighting it. I made the decision to stop taking the klonopin. I began dry cutting .125mg every 2 weeks for cutting a total of 0.5 (one of my pills down!!), for me this was way to hard. I did some research and approached my doctor looking for support on this. His plan was to cut .25 every week until done. I knew this was wrong after the research I had already done.  So I found a new doctor. She and I (after researching several benzo sites together), came up with a very slow milk titration plan.  After some trial and error we settled on me mixing my 1mg of klonopin in 50ML of milk and  cutting a TENTH of a ML a day, after reading some sites, and talking to someone from a diff site that used this cut rate. I then signed up on that other site, and quickly found out the staff there was less than helpful and very very very mean, liars, talked about members behind their backs all the time and just plain mean spirited beings. For me, this made things worse! So I got the info I needed from them and took off and did this with just me and my doctor.  I slowly began feeling a lot better as I got lower.  Some days I would cut more than the tenth, some days I would hold..it all depended on how I felt, I would just listen to my body and not so much a schedule.  After that experience with the previous benzo help site, I swore off all benzo sites, thinking they all must be like that.

 

Then I found this site. I would come here and read, I saw how happy a lot of people were here and how helpful the staff was. A huge contrast to the other site!! I was soooo happy! I decided to join, and since then I have gotten a TON of support and the confidence I needed to push ahead from the wonderful people here.

 

Over the months my symptoms began to subside, and now I am only left with the tinnitus in my left ear. I am happy to say I just finished my titration on june 3.  

 

Guys I am here to say, If I can do this..EVERYONE here can.  I was so afraid I would never be normal again. I was at the lowest of the lows but clawed my way out. I wanted to live and thats what drove me to take my life back and break free from the chains of the klonopin.  You can do it guys!!!

 

I am here to help. If anyone would like to msg me I will be here.  I owe my freedom to this website and everyone here that supported me!! Thank you BB!!!

 

In a nutshell incase it will help someone else this was my taper plan.

 

I dry cut 0.5mg out before I began titration.  I began my titration at 1mg of klonopin

 

I mixed 1mg of klono with 50ml of milk.

I would cut 1/10 a ML a day and divide the remainder into 2 equal doses for the day.

 

Some days I would cut more, some days I would hold. I listened to my body and not a schedule.

 

If any of you are having problems, just post and I will be more than happy to help answer.

[[st...]]

Whoopie, Mark.  A big, big congratulations to you.  I knew you could do it!!!!        Wishing you the very best.

 

Patty  xoxo

[[Mi...]]

http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m575/maxmoo/Funny%20Pics/Greeting%20Cards/Happy%20Birthday%20and%20Good%20Job/congratulations.gif

[[ar...]]

Way to go! 

[[Cr...]]

Your post certainly brought a smile to my face    Congratulations Mark!  I am very proud of your accomplishment.  I hope that in time you will be able to write a wonderful success story.

 

I hope you recovery goes smoothly,

 

Crono

[Guest [Si...]]

Congrats! 

[[ca...]]

Congrats and wishing you a very speedy recovery!

[[Ma...]]

Thank you!  I really owe my success to this site and my buddies here. Stoneyco you have always been a HUGE part of my recovery. I thank you for that. And the rest of my buddies here, you guys ROCK! This site is the best!

[[St...]]

Congratulations Mark!!

 

So glad to see another buddie freeeeee! 

[[...]]

MARK, you showed great courage and will to get through this. Mark, you can tackle anything in life now!

 

[Guest [Cl...]]

Much agreed with LP  Congratulations!! 

[[...]]

Nicely done! CONGRATULATIONS!

 

I too derive a lot of strength in 12-step meetings. This addiction and withdrawal has left my life in pieces. I am coming to see this as a gift, an opportunity to reconstruct my life in better ways. So I continue to go to meetings.

 

I love your story because it's so full of hope. I think those who find our freedom from benzos have a lot to offer those who are suffering, and this forum is exemplary in offering that hope we all so need. Other forums scared the pants off me!

[[Ma...]]

17 days benzo FREE..

 

Hey everyone I just wanted to update this with how life is at 17 days free of the ball and chain called klonopin.  My symptoms got worse around day 6 and stayed pretty bad until a few days ago, day 13-14.  Then I slowly started feeling "ok" again...not GREAT, but ok.  My symptoms that I'm dealing with are as follows:

 

PROFUSE sweating-..I mean I can just be sitting outside and I will SWEAT LIKE A PIG. I feel sooo disgusting when this happens.

Night sweats

muscle stiffness- (especially on the right side of my chest, and my abdomen.

Insomnia- this is my WORST SX so far!!  Every night I get maybe 2 hours of sleep. I slept much much better during my titration.  I am dealing with it though. I take melatonin (3mg)  sometimes it helps, most of the time it does nothing for me anymore.

Tinnitus-  this one is comming and going. I still use the toothbrush thing I mentioned in an earlier thread and it makes my tinnitus go away for the day.  I do have breaks that last up to a week or 2 now. But the tinnitus always seems to return eventually.

 

Weight gain-..I have gained 15 pounds in the last 2-3 months. I was pretty skinny anyhow, so I welcome this! LOL

 

 

Things that have gotten better

Anxiety - I have VERY VERY little anxiety now. This was my worse symptoms for a few months

DR/DP - This has faded away for me. Like the anxiety it was pretty bad for a number of months.

paranoia -This has gotten to be non existent now

Sex drive - this was pretty much nil for many many months. It is back in full swing now

unable to find the right words when talking - This was REALLY bad. I had a hard time putting words together to form sentences. This has pretty much gone away now

 

So, all in all I am feeling much better. I would not change a thing right now. Sure, life could be better..but It's getting there. I have NO doubt I will continue to heal and improve. I can take vitamins now w/o an increase in symptoms. I can exercise again without my symptoms increasing. And best of all I dont have to worry about my Dr. cutting me off or running out anylonger!! woohoo

 

I am finally starting to feel ALIVE again!!! 

To anyone still tapering, you can do it!!!  just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep moving forward! There were times when I first started that the finish line seemed soooooooooooo FAR away!  Don't look at that finish line.  look at the next cut, then the next one, then the next one..with each cut you are getting closer to cutting that chain. You WILL make it!

[Guest [Si...]]

Congrats Mark, it looks like you're def. doing better.

 

S#

[[Ma...]]

Thank you sigma!  

I hope your taper is going well!

[[st...]]

I was wondering how you were doing.  My sleep got somewhat better by the 2 month mark.....from 0 sleep to 3-4 hours a night so hang on.  Great job, Mark!!!!!!!  Just in case, be prepared for blips along the way.    It's a good sign that you can exercise, by the way.

 

Patty  xoxo

[[Ma...]]

Hey Stoney!  Thank you soo very much!   You always lead me the right way    I know I still have a looong way to go, I'm ready for whatever mr. withdrawal wants to toss my way!

How are you feeling these days?

[[st...]]

Mark, I had a few good days awhile back but still with manageable symptoms.  I just wish the breathing and the low energy level would even out.  I seem to get a couple of hours during the day when I have some energy.  Another member, CountryGirl, is off about the same time as me and she has very similiar symptoms.  Such a long journey for me post benzos.....holy cow!!!!!!!  It's probably from the double whammy of the benzos and the fluoroquinolones.   

 

I love that you are starting to feel alive again.  Makes my heart sing.

 

Patty  xo

[[li...]]

My sleep was better when I was titrating to Mark.  My tinnitus is on a 3 day cycle.  Loud, medium and mild.  I keep trying the sonicare but with no luck.  Your doing it!!!  Linder

[[li...]]

I am very happy for You Mark to be free from  klonopin I am 7 days off of it Thanks To Pamster  I had to get off the xanax first and I dry cut from 1.5 mg of klonopin I am like You I owe these Great People a debt I can never repay. I know I am bad I did not post here alot while I was cutting but I would jump in here alot and read and it helped Me keep My right Mind. So I keep You all close to My heart for all the help and I will keep stopping in more often and checking on Everyone. Again Congratz to You and Thanks so much to Everyone for shareing and helping Me.

[[li...]]

Congrats Mark and so glad to hear that some of your symptoms are gone and others almost, and hang in there re the others that still linger, as they too will pass

 

lack of sleep can really be a drag but it gets better, I had crossed insomnia off my symptom list about 6 weeks ago but it came back in the form of not being able to stay asleep for more than 2 hours at a time, but I am hoping it has passed again, as this past week I have been able to log 6 in row pretty regularly

 

so just remember the mantra that all we need is Time

 

and congrats again on being benzo free

 

LK

[[Ma...]]

 

thank you bear and lizardking...

 

I think I may have spoken too soon. I am having a super rough time today!!  I havent had any anxiety to speak of for many months.  Lastnight I woke up with INTENSE fear and anxiety around 1am. So bad I went outside in the middle of the night and walked around the outside of my house to get some air and to help burn some energy off.  Then it happened again today after work..I took a nap for an hour or so when I got home and again woke up with it, this time it's a little worse. I woke with that and a feeling of just wanting to cry!?!?!?!  I dont get it. I never cry and I havent had the anxiety like this.  I thought that was a thing of the past.  As embarrasing as this is to say, being a grown man, I am deathly afraid to sleep tonight, after this happening twice in a row like this.

 

I thought I was doing pretty good considering.  I tried to explain this to a friend of mine and my other half...when I say anxiety, they look at me like it's a "little nervousness" I should be able to shake off or something.  As we all know it's not like that.  I feel soo connected when I come on here..like it's a family that understands me and cares about me, if that makes sense?

 

I just want my brain back!!

[[ro...]]

Hey Mark:

 

You deserve a gold star for your successful taper!!   It seems like new symptoms creep in when older symptoms fade away or get less intense.  I had myself one crying day on Sunday too after a crummy nite with tummy trouble and weird thoughts.  Post taper healing time is the great unknown -- I hate not knowing when things will keep on improving. 

 

We will get through this stuff -- one way or another - we'll have new opinions and information about benzos.

God bless,

Rocko

[[Ma...]]

Thank you Rocko!!  I appreciate that   Congrats on your taper as well! (I read your sig line)  How are you feeling these days?

 

Your avatar picture made me smile!  is that your pup?

 

-Mark

[[ro...]]

Hi Mark:

 

Yes, that's my Chiwazu (half Chihauahu and half Schiatzu).  She loves the yogurt cups! 

 

I have been keeping up my progress log for awhile now.  I have had windows throughout the taper and post taper.  Last week, I had a 5 day window, but slammed shut on Saturday nite.  This is the toughest thing I've ever done -- but being off the benzo is one huge accomplishment!  If my sleep would even out, that would be a significant improvement.  But I have had some 7-8 hrs. nites as well as the little 1.5 - 2 hr nites.

 

Are U having any windows yet?    Hang in there -- and keep us posted. 

Rocko