The Window is Open!!!

[[Bi...]]

Hi Everyone - after a day from hell yesterday the window is open this morning!!  I feel great!  This comes after a week of pure hell and a visit to the ER Saturday when I really thought I was going to die.  I'm starting to believe!  Best, Billwill

[[Sc...]]

SO happy for you!  I feel like I'm coming out of a bad one right now...but feel "on guard" for fearing it might not be gone yet.  But this is great news for you!!!

 

How do they deal with it in the hospital?  I know I've begged my husband to bring me to the ER when I'm at my worst b/c I feel like I'm dying...but he refuses to bring me there b/c he fears they'll just give me drugs. 

 

Enjoy every minute of it...I'm not finished tapering yet, but I've noticed more and more windows and man they are great!  ALL the best!

 

Schatje

[[Bi...]]

Thanks Schatje - I'm on guard too!  I didn't tell anyone at the ER I was in W/D.  I just had them check me out - I felt like I was having a heart attack!  I did have a conversation with an EMT whose Dad had been through benzo w/d and he knew exactly what I was feeling.  I was OK (as I expected) and it was psychologically reassuring.  Best, Billwill

[[Fl...]]

Awesome 

 

It really helps when you finally see some light, doesn't it?

[[ja...]]

....

 

Yay and soon that window will  forever stay Wide Open....

 

Jenny

[[Bi...]]

Hi Everyone - after 3 days of good mornings (rare) and generally good days, the streak is over.  Slept very hard last night and woke up groggy and anxious today.  But I know this will pass - let's see how long it takes.  Off 8 weeks today!  Best, Billwill

[[ja...]]

Hang in there Bill

your windows will last longer and longer...

 

Jenny

[[Bi...]]

Thanks Jenny - it seems to be happening.  The intensity of the bad days has lessened and I am starting to separate the physical symptoms from the psychological (that really helps).  Even though today is rough so far, my attitude is very good - this is a big positive change.  Take care - hope you are well.  Nice new pic!  Best, Bill

[[Fl...]]

Sounds like overall you are doing well for having been off for such a short time. It also sounds like you are finally starting to believe that you WILL heal. That's big.

[[Ja...]]

Florida Guy-

Your "Windows" started in march; have they increased to the point where  you have had an entire day w/o symptoms yet?  I am only a couple weeks into this (last K bout 2 wks  ago), & am SO lucky to already have some windows myself, but then I will have a sudden onset of sweating (seems to be my worst symptom now).  Do they just come on like that for you still???

 

[[Fl...]]

Florida Guy-

Your "Windows" started in march; have they increased to the point where  you have had an entire day w/o symptoms yet?  I am only a couple weeks into this (last K bout 2 wks  ago), & am SO lucky to already have some windows myself, but then I will have a sudden onset of sweating (seems to be my worst symptom now).  Do they just come on like that for you still???

 

I don't think I can say that I have ever had a time where I was 100% symptom free since this whole ordeal started. During most of my windows I feel much better but I still feel like there is more of me still trying to come out of this, if that makes any sense.

 

The closest I have been to feeling like I was healed were the few times where my senses and emotions come alive for a period of a few hours. Most of these had to do with scent. It is as if my sense of smell gets super sensitive and when I get a whiff of a perfume or fresh fruit or any number of things it triggers good memories from my past. One time when this happened I was at the mall and I got this amazing feeling of well being. I was happier that day than I think I have been in five years.

 

My latest window came last week and was different in that my motivation and creativity returned full force. I got more work done in a couple of days than I have for the past couple of months. I was able to write effortlessly and put together thoughts for the first time in a long time. It only lasted a few days and then I was right back to being a useless lump on my chair for another few days, but the pendulum is already starting to swing back the other way. 

 

Overall I feel like I have made huge improvements but I still have a long way to go. Didn't realize how deep of a hole these drugs put me in until I started to get a glimpse of what it is like to be normal again. It feels good.

[[Ja...]]

Wow, the smell trigger is so interesting.  All of the senses seem to be on alert, don't they?  It is exciting that you are starting  to really feel & see (& smell) improvement!  In my opinion & experience the positive attitude is a HUGE factor In this kind of situation; keep up yours & I'm sure the bad days will become few & far between! 

 

[[pa...]]

Hi Billwill.. Oh... I am so happy you had the window and a repreive from the wds.. I'm so sorry it shut on you though.  Though, you have your proof... how you will feel when you totally heal and this is behind you.  Just hang onto that, keep self talking its the rotten drug, not you... and you are healing.  My thoughts are with you.  Always, Pattylu

[[Bi...]]

Thanks Pattylu and Florida - I think I am mentally "over the hump" and know recovery is out there.  It's just a matter of time - this is a big psychological tipping point for me.  Yesterday, I forced myself to work in the yard and, although tired, feel pretty good this morning.  So we'll see how the day goes.  How goes it for you?  Best, Bilwill

[[ta...]]

I am 14 months out and just had a three week window where I finally thought I was done with withdrawals. Guess what, I had to take the antibiotic Septra DS for 3 weeks and I think that may have triggered my symptoms again, or either it was just time for them to show back up. Anyway, my hands and feet are numb again and I have the banding feeling. I am convinced it is something different than the 8-9 months I had it before.  I just like to be anxious I guess.