My Diazepam Taper Continues...

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Hello to all,

 

I am approaching the end of my taper, and have so far been able to taper at a rate of 1mg per 7 days.  I have some days (like today) which are horrible...I feel like my finger is in a socket and constant surges of adrenalin rush through my body...and I'm queasy and dizzy, etc.  Other days are tolerable and I can manage to get through things even w/ anxiety, etc.  But I am SO terrified of that "last dose".  I know some people say you should slow down at the end...but I want to know if there are any of you who successfully tapered off of Diazepam, and what dose did you "finalize" it with?  IF all goes as well as it has, then my plan is to continue 1mg cuts each week.  Has anyone done that.  And what happens after that "last dose"?  Do things get worse?  Or do things just not get better for awhile - but not necessarily worse?  I know it is so individualized.  I guess I am HOPING to hear even 1 person who felt increasing better after that last dose.  Will I hit a wall b/c my body will crave the benzo?  Ugh...I really don't like "not knowing".  lol  I am excited to be off, but so scared now that it's approaching the end.

 

All the best,

Schatje

[[gi...]]

Hi,

I tapered off of diazepam.  I was on 4 mg . klonopin and crossed over to 80 mg. of valium and tapered from there.  The end of the taper was pretty rough for me and I was also very very fearful of life when I finally jumped off.  Honestly, the worst of it was pretty much over meaning during the taper.  Yes, there were symptoms to deal with  but it was a whole different situtation after I jumped off.  I think that is when you  start to heal after the chemical is fully out of you.  But, it is a slow process.

Your doing great with your cuts.  I was only able to do 1 mg. cuts every other week.  I jumped off at .05 mg. Whatever works for you.  The end result is we all get off.

Try not to worry about what will happen when you jump.  You've done a nice safe taper and it should not be such a shock to your system.

Hang in there, your almost there.

Ginia

[[ro...]]

Hi Schatje:

 

I've responded to your blog before.  I tapered down and off valium after crossing over from ativan.  I tapered .50 mg. every few weeks until I got to 1 mg.  Then slowed it down with liquid to .90 mg., .75 mg., .50 mg., and .25 mg., all for a few weeks or so and jumped at .25 mg.  Hindsight, I would have skipped going to .90 mg. and stayed on dry cuts only.  I switched back to dry tabs at .25 mg. 

 

I agree with Ginia -- you are doing a logical taper and you will not be slammed.  For me, it was just another cut.  Sleep became more problematic but that improves as well.  And I think my healing is starting with getting all valium out of my system too.  So expect some interrupted, zero, and some better sleep nites.  I've experienced more better sleep nites, interrupted, but I get back to sleep. 

 

Congrats on getting this far -- you're doing marvelous! :thumbsup:

God bless,

Rocko

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Thank you so much Ginia and Rocko,

 

Today has been rough...lots of crying and nausea (I never get sick...just queasy and loss of appetite).  I don't have a lot of these days, so when they come I feel like I've been run over by a truck.  Thank you so much for your responses - it's great to hear the things you've both said.  I have bee SO lucky to have slept well up until recently.  Now I have a lot of nightmares and busy mind at night and I feel it the next day...but it will pass as well.

 

Thanks so much guys...your support means more than you know (or...you probably do know...lol).

 

ALL the best and hugs to both,

Schatje

[Guest [Si...]]

Schatje,

 

You have been hit with a wave.

Hopefully this will pass soon.

 

S#

[[ki...]]

Hi Schatje,

 

You may want to slow down your taper by doing 0.5 mg cuts instead of 1 mg. Also you may benefit from cutting every 10 days instead of every 7. Sometimes we have to slow down to give our brain a chance to catch up. Just my opinion...

You are doing a great job, hang in there  

 

 

Best Wishes

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Thank you for all of your feedback!  I am not going to cut my dose tonight - I normally cut on Thursdays.  I don't feel mentally of physically ready.  Yesterday was a bit better, but today has been really tough.  So I'll hold off another few days...and then I'll decide whether to go down .5mg or 1mg...I'm still undecided. 

 

Thank you again...it means so much.

 

Hugs,

Schatje 

[[xe...]]

1mg every 7 days is pretty fast for the end point of a taper, if you are feeling bad you should slow it up, I'd suggest 0.5mg every 7 days. If you are feeling too bad to go ahead and cut by all means wait longer.

[Guest [Si...]]

I would personally cut .5mg every 7-14 days.

 

Everyone tapers differently at levels.

 

I know you want to get off this wicked stuff as we all do, but I would slow it down if you are feeling bad.

 

S#

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Schatje,

I am sorry you are going thru this.  You are basically on the same taper as I am.  I dont know half as much as everyone on this board knows, but I do know that I will have to slow my taper down and cut .5 instead of the 1mg in time.  I guess I have hit a wave, as I am feeling pretty bad this last week but I am going to continue at my rate and try to ride it out.  With that being said, tomorrow I might change my mind......... I think holding and changing the amount of the cut is our best option.  Hang in there, you have come a long way.

Renee

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Thanks Renee,

 

I really hit a wall this week but I can feel I'm coming out of it now...still not great, but WAY better than 24 hours ago.  It's hard to tell b/c it was all during my period as well (sorry guys...lol)...and that is ALWAYS a difficult time for me...so I feel it was a combination of things.  I am going to do my next cut sometime soon and will go down .5mgs and see how it feels.  I may do .5mgs every 5-7 days and I'll keep you posted as to how I handle that rate.  It's so "trial and error" w/ these meds which I find SO frustrating.  But I'm almost there and can't wait to be off!!!

 

Looks like you're going at a great rate as well....good for you.  I'm learning to not set "goals" and listen more to my body...and mind.  )

 

Take care and thank you for the nice words.

 

All the best...hugs,

Schatje

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Hi Everyone!

 

As some of you know...I've had a particularly rough week this past week.  I am slowly coming out of it, but still feeling very overwhelmed and emotional - I think partially b/c I'm so "on guard" after hitting a wall.  I'm still partially convinced part of my problem this past week was "hormone induced', as that has NEVER been a good time for me since going through w/d. 

 

I am now down to 4mgs and have had to hold here longer than usual.  My question is...if I start to taper again soon and feel "okay"...at what point can I just stop.  I mean, if 5mgs Diazepam is equivalent to .25mgs of Clonazepam, and I've already experienced THAT back in September before I crossed over to Diazepam...then what would the harm be in stopping once I'm at 2mgs or 1mg?  I would hold that last dose for a week or so and then just drop off.  Has anyone here done that before?  I wouldn't call it "c/t" because it's a relatively low dose...I'm just done w/ these meds and I know it's all about "patience" during w/d, but I'm DONE.  I am so close to the end.  I'd only consider doing it if things were relatively smooth from now on.  If it's really bumpy I would take it much slower. 

 

Just feeling very confused and really wanting this all to be over with since my daughter begins summer vacation in 2 1/2 weeks.  I know I won't be healed by then...there's still a road ahead of me.  But at least the true healing can begin. 

 

Thanks for any pointers...and please refrain from anything that can scare me...it's the last thing I need.  lol

 

All the best to you ALL,

Schatje

[[dr...]]

Hi Schatje:

 

Hitting a wall is not fun!  It shakes confidence and instills extra fear.  But it does pass, and you will be able to move on.  You have time to think about a jump off point.  Perhaps see how you are feeling as you go farther along with your taper.  No need to rush  .

 

Draftsman

[Guest [Si...]]

Schatje,

 

I have hit a wall several times during my everlasting taper, it seems.

But it did pass, and you can taper down further.

 

I wouldn't jump off at 4mg of Valium.

 

Keep on pushing through. You will make it.

 

S#

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Thanks guys,

 

I am so exhausted...emotionally and physically.  I try SO hard to remain positive but it's getting so hard.  I cry off/on so much and the "motion sickness" feeling just doesn't allow me to have a moment of peace.  I am so grateful that I at least sleep okay most nights...if I had that on top of this, I don't know what I'd do.  I saw my counsellor today and she said DON'T jump off at 4mgs either.  I went to her a year ago for anxiety (what later was found out to be tolerance w/d)...and she helped as much as she could, but we never discussed meds, etc...mainly b/c that's not her area of expertise.  I remember her telling me then that her "area" of expertise was addictions...so NOW I use her for what she's really worked with!!!  She is amazing and just reassures me that this is normal and that she's watched many people come off of Benzos successfully and I too will do it. 

 

I just feel so scared and I haven't felt this way in AGES, so it's just hitting me hard.  My stomach is constant...does anything help you guys w/ that motion sickness feeling?  Maybe I need more water.  I am so shaky and just could ramble on there all day b/c it distracts me a bit.  GRRR!!!  How do you guys deal w/ hitting a wall?  I feel so much guilt too...I'm only 33 and I'm married to an amazing man...but we're young and I don't feel like I can be the wife he deserves.  He hates when I talk that way and says that once I'm healed things will change, etc...and then there's my 7 yr old daughter who everyday comes out of school and w/ the most empathetic and concerned little face asks me "are you okay, Mommy?".  It breaks my heart!  I took these meds for mild anxiety!  And now this?!  I know we're all in the same boat all and all...this is just "ticked off me" coming out.  Whew!  Why does the end have to be so hard?

 

Thanks so much for the support...you guys seriously rock.

Schatje

[Guest [Si...]]

Schatje,

 

It will smooth out.

 

As I have posted to you before.

 

I have hit many walls, and thought, "I can't do this anymore"!

 

BUT I did.

 

You can slow down the taper a bit if you would like.

 

I have had to, and I did well.

 

You can do this 

 

S#

 

 

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Thanks a ton Sigma...you always have words of encouragement...I appreciate that.  Things got really bad about an hour ago...but somehow I managed to get to the chiropractor w/ my husband/daughter AND the grocery store.  Have no clue how that happened b/c I was ready to have someone lock me up in a hospital at the rate I was going at this afternoon.  Talk about ups and downs!  I hope YOU are doing well...thanks for always being there for others. 

 

All the best,

Schatje

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As some of you know, I hit a wall BIG time this past week...not sure why but it may have been cutting to 4mgs of Diazepam or possibly hormone-induced (NEVER a good time for me)

 

I held at 4mgs for 5 extra days (I normally cut my dose every 7 days).  Today was a good day and then by late afternoon/early evening I had another bad panic attack...but it subsided and by 7pm "Dose Time", I decided to cut my dose...so now I am at 3.5mgs.  I wanted to go down to 3mgs, but I thought I'd give my body a bit of a rest.  We'll see how this goes!  May have been the wrong choice, but I have to go down at some point, and the longer I held at 4mgs, the more nervous I would get. 

 

I'll keep you posted!  3.5mgs away from my own "Success Story". 

 

Thanks for everyone's support this past week...and always,

Schatje

[[re...]]

Hi Schatje,

How do you define a panic attack?  The reason I am asking is because I had one (heart pounding and anxiety) the day before I went down to 10mg.  I almost decided to hold but the panic attack went away after a half hour or so.  I am at 10mg and had 2 or 3 major anxiety issues where it scared me to death, I was just sitting out in the sun and let it happen, (of course that's all I could do), then today waiting out in my car for my son, I had another one and just continued to read my book and deal again.  Tomorrow I go down to 9mgs.  I just cut the pill and it isn't even.  I hate when its not a complete pill.

When you cut your pill in quarters, do you get them cut even.  I posted on this before but its hard.  I cut one 2mg in half for the beginning of this next taper and I was going to keep the biggest half in my pill container and lick the powder for the smaller one BUT both are not equal.  I cant imagine when it gets to the quarter cuts..................

Oh wow, I know its hard.  I follow your story because we are similar with our stories...

Hang in there!!!!  You are close to the finish line.

Renee 

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Thanks Renee!  It is comforting to find someone on a similar path. 

 

For me, a full panic attack is about an hour or more of true terror.  I feel like I am crawling out of my skin, I cry, I get queasy/shaky/chilled or hot, I can't sit still but when I do move I also "freak out".  It is SO unsettling.  If it is really horrible I will beg my husband to take me to the hospital b/c I literally feel like I will die...even though deep down I know that can't happen.  I become very irrational during one.  Fortunately this doesn't normally happy very often...once every 2 weeks or so...but this past week I've had about 5-6 of them.  I don't have to cut my pills.  I'm in Canada and we don't have 2mg pills, so I use liquid Diazepam.  So as an example, when I was at 9mgs, I took one 5mg pill with 4ml of liquid.  The stuff tastes nasty, but it makes things easy.  So now I am finished with the pills and only use liquid.  It tastes a lot like kids cough syrup...it is actually for kids...which is slightly unsettling. lol

 

ALL the best to you, Renee...I'll keep you posted on my progress...the end is getting closer! 

 

Hugs,

Schatje

 

[[Mi...]]

Hi Schatje,

 

I merged your threads since they were repetitive.  Having them on one thread will make it easier for you and your buddies to respond and avoid confusion.

 

I see you were reducing by 1 mg every 7 days or so.  It might be a little bit easier on you if you start reducing by only .5 mg from here on.  Are you still using just the liquid?  That stuff tastes awful doesn't it?

 

You're almost there! 

[[Sc...]]

Thank you Missy for doing that.    I'm now doing .5mg every 5-7 days (or more if needed).  No time line now.  I will just go by what my body says.  Yes, still on liquid...and yes, tastes nasty. lol 

 

Almost there...just wish it was today. 

 

ALL the best you guys...you are all wonderful!

Schatje

[[re...]]

Thanks for the info!

So I take it the US doesnt have the liquid Diazepam.  I watched a video about a new drug that would be beneficial for my son but its only in Canada.  I hope it will be here soon.  I dont know much about Canada, went there as a little girl on vacation, but it seems they have a the type of meds I need here for myself and son...............................Keep moving forward and the best is yet to come.

Renee

[Guest [Si...]]

Thanks a ton Sigma...you always have words of encouragement...I appreciate that.  Things got really bad about an hour ago...but somehow I managed to get to the chiropractor w/ my husband/daughter AND the grocery store.  Have no clue how that happened b/c I was ready to have someone lock me up in a hospital at the rate I was going at this afternoon.  Talk about ups and downs!  I hope YOU are doing well...thanks for always being there for others. 

 

All the best,

Schatje

 

Schatje,

 

How did your trip go?

 

I'm hanging in here.

 

What I do is accept the sx's that come and go.. it's not easy sometimes, but I'm doing it.

 

I agree with Missy,

 

It probably would be a bit smoother if you reduced by .5 mg.

 

S#

[[Mi...]]

So I take it the US doesnt have the liquid Diazepam. 

 

Actually, we do.  I took liquid diazepam briefly, but I much preferred dry-cutting, so I switched back.