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Trying to push through...


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Been a little while since I posted, and my battle is still continuing through the withdrawal from Clonazepam.  This coming Friday will be 77 days off the drug.  Its almost sureal what my body has been through over the last 10+ weeks, but I have to continue to fight.  I still have many symptoms mostly being anxiety, head pressure (tight band around head and behind eyes), sensory disturbances (noises scare me, etc.), shakiness & pins and needle sensations.  I really thought that I would be done with this by now, but I know all to well by reading other posts that this is normal and 11 weeks off the drug, which seems like a very long time, isn't very long when it comes to benzo withdrawal.  I have had some windows where I feel pretty good for a period of several days, then waves where I feel pretty bad for about the same length.  I can only hope on the healing that has occurred to other people that it will eventually happen to me as well.  I'm tired of this being the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I close my eyes.  We are all in this fight together.  Thank you BB for your continued support...

 

Natron

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Hi Natron - I'm right behind you at 51 days and this is hell!  I have to keep coming to BB to get reassuarnce that the intensity of what I've endured is "normal" in a perverse sense of the word.  I can't imagine that it is but when I read of other's personal hell it sounds just like mine.  I know I never felt remotely close to this BEFORE I took my first benzo.  I know that going back is not an option - I had no life.  We'll beat this thing together!  Best, Billwill
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Think about it this way -- that's 77 days you never have to relive again.  You are well on your way down the road recovery.  Keep up the good work.  It does get better.

 

--Bluegus

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You are at what was the worst part for many of us.  At just over the 2 month mark I just did whatever I could to make myself as comfortable as possible.  We just have to hang on and ride it out, literally.  Things got less intense for me during my 3rd month, and took a positive turn at month 4.  I still struggle daily, but when I look back I definitely see improvements.

 

Once you get through this extremely tough beginning phase things will begin to happen.  My heart goes out to you who are in that early phase.  The mental stuff really improved first which made it so much easier to deal with the physical stuff.

 

The other night a thunderstorm came through and I noticed the loud clacks of thunder didn't shake me to the core like they did early on.  I then realized I wasn't sensitive to other sounds in my environment as I was before either, everthing wasn't 'scaring' me as before.  Simple sounds sent me into sheer panic at 2 months, now it was gone.

 

 

 

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Yea, I think I was at my worst at about 10 weeks off. That was a horrible time for me. Thankfully when your symptoms peak you have nowhere to go but up.
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I appreciate the feedback, it could be so much worse I know.  This weekend I played my first tennis match in almost 13 or 14 weeks and it lasted 3 hours.  Sunday I played golf for the second time in the last 6 months.  Both hobbies that I love very much.  I am proud of where I am at and wish time would move faster, but then again, maybe that wouldn't bring about how joyous the celebration will be in the end!
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Natron

 

You and I have extremely similar backgrounds/histories and I am 70 days off my latest round of klonopin after being on and off 6 times over the last 10 years .  All of my previous withdrawals had no symptoms so I don't know why this one is horrendous.  The benzo brain, DP and DR and mental anguish is killing me and I'm starting to get all of the nerve tingling, rumbling, tremors crap and what else (and of course that is besides anxiety, hopelessness, pain and insomnia!)  I will push you along if you push me along!  Is it a deal?

 

Love,

Mary

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I just read that you are able to play tennis!!  You are doing so much better than you realize.  I go from the bed to the couch to the computer and that's it for the last 5 months so you are doing fabulous!

 

Love,

Mary

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Ditto to what Maranatha said.  I was actually shocked to read you were playing tennis. You are really doing super well!
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Way to go Natron!  I am just a bit in front of you.  I passed the 13 week mark last week.  I am still having burning sensations, shaky, sensory (mostly vision) disturbance, horrible tinnitis (VERY loud and never stops), burning mouth/tongue (this is the worst symptom) and lingering brain fog.  You are doing great playing tennis and golf.  I have continued to exercise (Jazzercise) 3 days a week most weeks.  I don't keep up quite as well because I had to miss a lot in March/April.  I think we are further along and better than we realize.  When I look back at how I felt even a month ago I can see an improvement.  I am keeping a journal throughout this process and looking back at it I can tell that my thoughts are more "put together" now.  I am so happy I am on the way "up"!  Hang in there and keep fighting.
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Thank you for your replies.  I do feel very fortunate.  I have always played sports, so even though I don't feel good all the time, I try and push myself to do the things that I love.  What is crazy is that I am so focused on how I feel that the sports come even easier to me now.  Just hard to explain.  Also, if I am playing a sport or working out, etc.  I don't focus on all of my sensations. 
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hey Natron,

 

I can relate to so many things you have posted.  I am going on 4 months off, and thought by now I would feel so much better then I am now!!  I also have said on many of my post that I'm am exhausted as well from thinking about this w/d from the time I wake up, till the time I go to sleep (if I'm lucky enough to sleep  ;) ), but in the end we are getting better everyday we are off this stuff, and will return to the good, normal life we were living before this.

 

Stay strong my friend,

 

KD

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