When your spouse is projecting guilt purposely

[[Ma...]]

Hi buddies,

I wasn't sure where to post this topic, if anybody can relate with me.

So im dealing mentally and physically symptoms with benzo withdrawal and a one time concussion going on almost 3 years out. I feel like as the months to years go by overall I'm falling deeper & deeper into this pit of suffering. I'm doing my best to physically and mentally get better with doing better diet, little exercise, positive mind set thinking. I'm doing everything in my power, I have moments where there are little glimse windows, but later big ass waves triggered just by the littlest things and back to square one or worst, over and over it never fails. I am battling with myself, but the I is me doesn't have any consistent connection with this physical body im in. I'm in this body feeling like it's controling me with all this recycling wd symptoms, like im in this body feeling and going through this painful experience, like being taken along for this hellish of a ride. I can't control this healing the way i see it in my head fast enough so I can be the potential me as I see me. There are many times I get frustrated, i want to give up, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want tell myself is this it, is this what it is and I have to deal and accept  this pain and suffering until I get old, because I can't live and survive like this. I try not to constantly put my focus on not the pain and try to do things to make it through my days, be mindful of whats happening around me and ask alot of questions by giving myself reasons and answers real truths to feel better, it is very hard and stay consistent. Too make things harder on me, my wife says this is affecting her by all this suffering im going through. She thinks I can snap out of this but tells me I must like the suffering and pain because this is what she sees in her eye's, being negative about what im feeling by coming to her and telling what I'm feeling with this physical pain im going through daily and she is putting  guilt on me and this doesnt help me one bit. 💔

[[Be...]]

Mark, not nice of your wife to tell you to "snap out of" and that you must like the pain and suffering.  Don't feel guilty by the fact that she's not being nice to you.  It's her problem and not yours.

[[Sn...]]

I'm sorry but someone who treats you like that shouldn't be your wife.

 

My girlfriend at the time, who I was with for 8 years, acted in a similar way. That I was taking too long, and she gave me time limits, otherwise she would leave me.

 

We ended up splitting up.

 

Someone who really loves you doesn't say shit like that to you. A husband/wife who loves you unconditionally supports you.

 

I'm sorry for your pain, I hope it gets better soon.

[[Ka...]]

No one in my daily life, including my spouse, could 'get it' when I was in withdrawl and after a time, I gave up on the notion that they ever would.  Withdrawl isn't something they could see like with a broken leg or a surgical incision.  I also knew that I had reached my limit with my hubby so given all of that, the BB support group became very meaningful to me because here I was with a group of peers who had been there and understood.

[[Br...]]

I'm so sorry you're feeling terrible and that you're not getting the support you need through this ordeal.  Withdrawal can be such a lonely experience - there's no way on earth anyone can understand what we're going through if they haven't been through it themselves.  Just like Kate08, BB was a hugely meaningful haven for me when I was in the thick of symptoms.  My spouse is a very compassionate, kind person but there came a point when I had to stop leaning so heavily on him because he was feeling weighed down by it.  Again, BB was a godsend for this reason.

 

I think benzo withdrawal puts a lot of pressure on our relationships and especially our families.  I'm guessing many partners have a sense of helplessness and anxiety over our suffering and wish it would all just go away.  Not that this excuses any abuse.

 

 

[Guest [Su...]]

My heart goes out to you. I know many here have a therapist they can talk with. Have you considered that as a possibility? When I did have 1, I was like, Phew, you are here to help me deal with all of this so I don’t have to put it on my loved ones. It was a relief to be able to compartmentalize what I was feeling, who to share it with and how to get the support I needed. 🙏