Waves are more intense after Windows????

[[Ho...]]

Hello all - I am getting more confused and disheartened by this w/d.  Many people on BB have said that as you get windows, they will increase (I don't know if that means in length, in number or in strength) and that the waves will become less and less.  I am not finding that to be the case.

I've never had more than a two day window, but I notice lately that they come in glimmers and disappear, and also they are decreasing in length

and growing shorter and then the WAVES come and they are almost unbearable..  They last also much longer than a window.  I keep waiting to see more and more improvement and it is not happening.  I am so discouraged.  My depression has been worse, I cry all the time and just don't know how to keep on going on.  I have had two nights of 8 hours of sleep which was wonderful, but the day just goes downhill until the next night, I don't sleep at all.   

      CMGMelo has posted about cycles and I feel that is what happens to me somewhat - except the cycle changes - 4 days of wave, 2 days of window, then 3 days of wave and 1 day of window, then back up to 4 days of wave/2 window.....has anyone else had this kind of experience?

Thank you for any responses.....

Hoping2BFree

[[BY...]]

I never had a true window for a very long time. The waves were less intense at times, but there was always something. The first window I had, which was symptom free, lasted only a few hours and then my ears started to hum. I then found myself in a bad wave of symptoms. I even wondered, if that window was my imagination.

 

After that window, I never experienced anything like that again. The only windows that really were better, was the mental windows. By mental windows, I mean, no depression and intrusive thoughts, my thoughts were my own and not being influenced by the effects of the drug.

 

I think everyone has a little different version when it comes to windows(cycles) and the recovery process a whole.

 

Remember though, windows are a good thing, it means your course is heading in a positive direction.

 

Mike

 

[[Ho...]]

Thank you for your reply Mike....I try to stay encouraged through all this about the windows - I know they are a good thing, but some days when the waves are so bad, I just get so disheartened.  I will try to remember how different all our recoveries are and try not to compare myself to others - but it is a difficult thing to do.....

      I am so glad you are healed - and what a way to heal - just one day wake up and be yourself.  That is great.  thanks for your response - I appreciate it.

Hoping

[[Cr...]]

I agree with ByByMatrix. The fact that you are getting windows, however erratic their occurrence and duration, is a positive sign that you are indeed undergoing healing... it'll just be a matter of time before you feel the benefits.  Try not to wait around for windows to occur or wake up every morning symptom-checking yourself.  I had to keep telling myself in the mornings that I was 1 day closer to being healed, no matter how bad I felt.

 

This whole healing process can be rather fickle and nonlinear, it doesn't help when we don't know what to expect... or we have certain expectations that are never met.  Please don't let yourself get discouraged based on other people's progress... your story is your own.  There will be those who have it easier as well as those who will have it harder than you.  Some people will experience gradual healing month by month as time progresses... others will be less gradual but more incremental, and possibly later in their recovery.

 

I am sure that if you could be who you were just 8 months ago you would notice that you have had many improvements.  Sometimes it helps to write down the symptoms that we don't have or that we no longer have to remind ourselves of the positives.  You will get better windows Hoping2BFree, and they will last longer.  It all comes down to that cliche benzo recovery word... "time".  

[[Fl...]]

I'm 5 months off and have only had two or three REALLY good windows. Other than that my windows and waves are a couple of good days followed by a downward slide into a few bad days then I wake up one day and feel better than I've felt in a week. The important thing is that the trend has been in a positive direction. I know the benzo brain makes it almost impossible to look at things positively but we have to do our best. Try to look at the big picture.

[[Pe...]]

When I get the intense symptom days I tell myself intense healing is happening.  Like if you broke your leg or something and suddenly out of the blue it hurts really bad, that means you body is working really hard on repairing it.  Sounds simple, but that is what I really believe is happening.

[Guest [Si...]]

My waves and windows seem to be cycled. It's very hard to explain in detail, really.

I get a windows that last for days, and sometimes a week.

I'm not finished tapering, but when on a higher dose of Valium.. I would get more waves.

Strange!

 

I do know what you are talking about. Sometimes after a good window.. I get these waves that go and go.

These windows are proof that we're healing. Hang in there and buckle up.

 

We'll get through this! 

[[Fl...]]

The problem with windows is that once you get a taste of things being good you get frustrated when the don't STAY good.

[[Pe...]]

So true FloridaGuy!

[[pa...]]

Hi, Pattylu here for my hubby Ron.  He jumped after tapering on 1/14/11... He has had almost "minimal" windows.  One day in full... then bits and pieces; its been horrible.  He is 20 weeks off this Friday... Just hope the windows start coming for him.  Take good care all, hope you get full windows that will stay open.  Pattylu

[[Ho...]]

Thanks for your comments everyone - Pattylu - I didn't have windows at 20 weeks benzo free either.....but Ron will get them.....

Hoping2B Free