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Loss of friends and desire for sex


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Hello-

I have 2 questions.

 

The first question is;

Have many of you experience the loss of friends and family members during this?

I have had several very important friends as well as my brother completely drop out of my life.

It is so hard to understand how to cope with that. I did try to keep in touch with them now and then just to say hello, and not to bother with my troubles, but eventually I see that they do not reach out to me at all any more.

It is so painful. I feel I must accept this, allow it to be.

But many nights I cry as I fall asleep thinking about missing them or how they could "abandon" me at such a scary time in my life.

I guess I'm wondering if a lot of you had this happened to you, and how you cope with it?

 

The second question is for people who have gotten off the Benzos;

I have absolutely zero sexual desire. This has never happened in my life.

It feels very strange and sad not to have that part of my life exist, I think it is important for general health and happiness.

Did this happen to you on the medication?

And did it return after you got off?

 

Thank you for any of your thoughts or experiences,

xJen

 

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I’m really sorry you are going through this horrendous experience. First of all a lot of us are so wrapped up in how bad we feel that friendships and family relations fall by the way side. That definitely happened to me. What kept me doing okay was the really good friends I do have never gave up on me. As long as I had my 2-3 best friends the rest I felt I could handle. Later on I rebuilt some of those relationships also.

 

And as far as your sex drive, yes that’s another thing that can be highly altered on/off these types of medications. I definitely had a severe drop in interest and drive, not only with sex but with everything. Needless to say since I’ve been off for about a month it’s been doing better for sure. A lot of the experiences that happen during withdrawl will have you questioning if this is permanent. It’s hard to believe but it’s not. It just takes the effort and time to get back to feeling better. Hang in there and take one day at a time.

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Here in Holland we have a saying:

 

'In tijden van nood leer je vrienden kennen.'

 

It means: 'in times of need you will learn who your friends really are.'

 

I lost everybody over the years. It turns out they weren't friends at all. Lost my girlfriend, she was just in it for herself. Gave me time limits in which timeframe I should be all better. So I find out what real love is too, and that wasn't it.

 

In the end, just my parents and my brother were left over.

 

In the meantime I gained one really good friend, he's my best friend. And that is real friendship. Also met a special girl (women, whatever you call them at this age. We like to think we're still young, and we are.)

 

About the sex thing. To me my libido always has been high, since I was 11. And during withdrawal it only got higher and higher. If it was up to me I was in bed with a women all day every day during my withdrawal. Would be a nice distraction. Problem is that I can't finish easily, it takes hours. This medication causes sexual disfunction. At first a woman likes that, but in the end they say: 'you're only doing it for me.'

 

Hope this wasn't to graphic. I come from a culture where we talk free about these things and we're not prudish at all.

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I’m really sorry you are going through this horrendous experience. First of all a lot of us are so wrapped up in how bad we feel that friendships and family relations fall by the way side. That definitely happened to me. What kept me doing okay was the really good friends I do have never gave up on me. As long as I had my 2-3 best friends the rest I felt I could handle. Later on I rebuilt some of those relationships also.

 

And as far as your sex drive, yes that’s another thing that can be highly altered on/off these types of medications. I definitely had a severe drop in interest and drive, not only with sex but with everything. Needless to say since I’ve been off for about a month it’s been doing better for sure. A lot of the experiences that happen during withdrawl will have you questioning if this is permanent. It’s hard to believe but it’s not. It just takes the effort and time to get back to feeling better. Hang in there and take one day at a time.

 

Thank you trtguy23,

Yes, I do have a few friends who did not give up on me and I am so thankful for them.

I try not to see or talk to them too often about my situation so that I won't overburden them with my bad energy.

I spend a lot of time alone trying to get through this because I know the truth is only I can do this, no one can really do anything to change the situation. I have to face it on my own..and that is why I joined this group as well, to have some contact when I'm really down and lonely.

And thank you for letting me know that my interests in sex and so many other things that I used to find joy in (music, going out, having people over etc) will come back hopefully.

I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

xJen

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Here in Holland we have a saying:

 

'In tijden van nood leer je vrienden kennen.'

 

It means: 'in times of need you will learn who your friends really are.'

 

I lost everybody over the years. It turns out they weren't friends at all. Lost my girlfriend, she was just in it for herself. Gave me time limits in which timeframe I should be all better. So I find out what real love is too, and that wasn't it.

 

In the end, just my parents and my brother were left over.

 

In the meantime I gained one really good friend, he's my best friend. And that is real friendship. Also met a special girl (women, whatever you call them at this age. We like to think we're still young, and we are.)

 

About the sex thing. To me my libido always has been high, since I was 11. And during withdrawal it only got higher and higher. If it was up to me I was in bed with a women all day every day during my withdrawal. Would be a nice distraction. Problem is that I can't finish easily, it takes hours. This medication causes sexual disfunction. At first a woman likes that, but in the end they say: 'you're only doing it for me.'

 

Hope this wasn't to graphic. I come from a culture where we talk free about these things and we're not prudish at all.

 

Thank You SnelleJelle,

 

I believe you are right, a true friend would not give up on me.

I think a lot of this experience is realizing things, getting sad or upset, finally accepting ...and allowing them to teach me something about life.

However some days I feel so sad about the things that I have lost, I can accept it, but still cry and feel very lost over it.

 

I am not prudish about the sexual conversation. I am just surprised about how different it is for the two of us.

I had a very high desire for sex all my life, and never even one day did not want it.

But since the high dose of Lorazepam (6mg..down to 4 now), I feel nothing sexual at all.

It actually feels scary, because it is not ME anymore. I truly hope it comes back.

I'm very happy for you that you found a partner, what a wonderful feeling that must be!!

 

PS. I love your country, I have visited many times and would move there if I could!

You have everything I like, Art, Flowers, great coffee, bicycling, beautiful architecture and more!

 

Thank you again for taking time to reply to me, it means a lot!

xJenny

 

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Hi,

I am so sorry you're experiencing this.  I do understand the alienation that comes from withdrawal that NO ONE EXCEPT THOSE GOING THROUGH IT can understand.  It is NOT you.  Worldwide societies in general have little acceptance for mental health struggles.  Tolerance is low for people who are struggling and the mentality of "just get over it" prevails.  Again, it is not you.  Your bravery and determination will overcome the temporary loss of friends and I hope result in new ones who will be more compassionate.  I have experienced the exact same thing and it is painful and another element to this journey.  I am trying to use it to learn more about how solitude can make me stronger while still maintaining what few friends and relatives I have left who are compassionate.  Hang in there ok?

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Hi,

I am so sorry you're experiencing this.  I do understand the alienation that comes from withdrawal that NO ONE EXCEPT THOSE GOING THROUGH IT can understand.  It is NOT you.  Worldwide societies in general have little acceptance for mental health struggles.  Tolerance is low for people who are struggling and the mentality of "just get over it" prevails.  Again, it is not you.  Your bravery and determination will overcome the temporary loss of friends and I hope result in new ones who will be more compassionate.  I have experienced the exact same thing and it is painful and another element to this journey.  I am trying to use it to learn more about how solitude can make me stronger while still maintaining what few friends and relatives I have left who are compassionate.  Hang in there ok?

Thank You NewGrandpa,

For sharing that you had the same experience. It is so hard to deal with all the losses I have had from this awful situation I find myself in. I've lost so much. I hope you are right that i will gain new friends, and other new positive things in my life eventually. Most days I can not see that is possible...but I try to believe in what others tell me; that it is possible to have a real life, to have a feeling of well-being, to have joy again in the future. I have to have faith in that or I will not make it.

Thank you for your kind words and support!

xJen

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Dear Jenny,

One other thing I'd like to add that was recently shared with me.  WHEN (not if) you (and me too for that matter) become the new you without the effects of Benzos, the people that you attract and that you are attracted to will be different,,,, healthier, more empathetic and more appreciative of having you in their lives!

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Dear Jenny,

One other thing I'd like to add that was recently shared with me.  WHEN (not if) you (and me too for that matter) become the new you without the effects of Benzos, the people that you attract and that you are attracted to will be different,,,, healthier, more empathetic and more appreciative of having you in their lives!

 

Thank you NewGrandpa,

Today is a hard day, so this is nice to read. I look forward to the day I am better and find myself in the company of good, caring people.

Thank you again,

xJen

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