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Feels like brain damage! My brain hurts and dont process things


[So...]

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At this point i just feel brain damaged. My brain literally hurts and i feel like it just cant process information and the world anymore!

 

I Feel like i have gotten some werid processing disorder in my brain at the same time as my vision is bad and i cant focus my eyes properly! My brain wont process hearing normally either!

 

Bad vision processing and trouble focusing eyes

 

When i look at things i Feel like my frontal lobe cant «see» it or register what i am seeing.

 

I can look at a picture, but its like looking at a blank wall because my brain wont process it or give it meaning, or attatch emotions to it! Like i can see the picture or the video, but its like my brain itself has trouble seeing it.

When i read i can see the words, but my brain wont register the word, so i have to stop at think what it means.

 

I recently checked my eyes, and my eye sight has not changed much from before. It is still the same.

My eye sight still feels way worse. Everything is blurry and out of focus. I have to constantly squint my eyes to look at things when i did not have to before, and they are still blurry and i feel like i dont see it properly.

 

I really struggle with focusing my eyes. They have to strain a lot, and even then its hard to focus. When i look at things they are often blurry in the middle. I focus on my moms face and the middle is still blurry and i never get a clear picture. Same when i read!

 

My eyes also cant focus on bigger areas at the same time. Like my computer screen just looks weird and slightly streched out! Its like what is not in the direct center of my vision gets streched out and seems funky. And what i focus on is still blurry.

 

its hard to explain, but my vision is something like this i feel: )

 

It not a smiley, but my eyes looking at the screen. My vision is sort of like that, like my vision is bending sort of. The werid is that sometimes its like this as well:  : (

 

It also feels like my vision cant «reach» what i am seeing, so i have to squint to see it, but i still cant «reach» it and feel/see it properly.

 

Its the same when i read! I have most issues with screens and books!

I think this ties in with the fact that my brain wont «see» it properly, and associate it with meaning or emotion. So i myself feel like i dont see it, and try to focus harder on it. My eyes sees it, but my brain dont!

 

My brain has trouble processing vision

I also struggle to visualize images in my head. I have always been good at this, but my ability had just declined and faded away. Its really scary actually!

 

When i visualize its in the back of my head now (when i manage to get a small picture), and not in the front of my head/whole head like before. Like i mentioned i feel like my frontal lobe is gone!

 

Weird hearing issues

 

One of my more uncomfortable symptoms is my brain processing hearing.  It's like I hear things and as it goes into my ear it's processed differently and everything is a little off.  By the time it registers in my brain it sounds so unfamiliar and it's very disorientating, distracting and uncomfortable. 

 

Hearing my own voice causes me anxiety and is sometimes and is disorientating/confusion.

 

It's almost as if my brain is scrambling the hearing process.  I hear my voice louder but it sounds distant and distorted and that causes great discomfort and anxiety. This happens with other sounds as well. Its like my brain cant point out where the sounds come from, and i dont hear voices clearly in my head. When i listen to music sometimes i struggle to make meaning of the words and they all scramble together and it sounds like gibberish! It also sounds distant and distorted too some times!

 

Its worst when i have earbuds in. Its like my brain does not understand the sound when it comes from both ears!

 

Music does not fill my whole head. I can only hear it in the back of my head and i cant hear it in the front of my head. Its so disturbing.

 

It just souds so weird in my head! I hear it in the back of my head on one side of my head! So strange! Its like my two brain halves are not connected!

 

Sometimes music and speech just sounds like gibberish. I cant really process it and the words just float together. I can hear the music, but like with vision, my brain does not process or understand or attatch emotions to it. Speech and music soundsweird.

 

It's scary, it's like my hearing mechanism is on some weird acid trip.

 

Sometimes i Feel like there is something in the way inside my brain almost, which is stopping my brain from processing and understanding things fully! Like this werid pressure and dense feeling that makes my brain strain to be fully present and to take things in. Its really scary!

 

Sorry if this was a long and weird post, but this is really bothering me and stops me from studying because i literally cant read at all, and i really struggle with screens like on computers. And i also used to love music, but it sounds so weird now, and my brain just cant process it.

 

It all gives me anxiety!

 

Is this really withdrawal? It just Feels like brain damaged. It had been like this for months now!

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Wow you are a very descriptive writer.  Several lights came on for me while reading your symptoms and I thought "yes!  this is exactly what it's like!)  If only I could have explained this to my doctor when I was in the thick of it!

 

Some of what you wrote was exactly what was happening to me when I was fully on the benzos.  Especially the part where your brain can't attach a meaning to what you are seeing....  about hearing your own voice as louder and distorted....

 

I remember one day when a close friend came to visit.  She was talking and I was watching her face and knew that she was speaking English,  but it was as if the words were individually falling from her mouth in blocks and I couldn't string the meaning of the sentence together.  I kept nodding and smiling but I was in shock.

 

The blurry vision....  the weird brain pressure and dense feeling........all of it.   

 

I was sure it was related to a concussion, or my Lyme diagnosis..  (which it could have partially been as those conditions resemble what benzo tolerance and withdrawal can be:  a brain injury)

 

I can tell you that it's is so much better now that i am post benzo tapering.  Both my vision and processing have improved.  Because it's early days into my healing from benzo damage, I still get waves of dysfunction.  Almost as bad as in the old days, but I'm getting more and windows of some almost normal functioning.    Enough to know I'm on the right track.

 

I see by your history line you have had exposure to the z drugs, benzos and other brain drugs.  I hope if you decide to taper, you find a knowledgeable (in tapering) medical support person.  I didn't.  Not really.  But I learned so much from others right here.  Enough to feel like others knew the craziness of what I was going through, and Enough to give me hope and confidence to taper off.    I'm still a long ways off from normal....  but there's no going back.    Good luck...

 

 

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Wow you are a very descriptive writer.  Several lights came on for me while reading your symptoms and I thought "yes!  this is exactly what it's like!)  If only I could have explained this to my doctor when I was in the thick of it!

 

Some of what you wrote was exactly what was happening to me when I was fully on the benzos.  Especially the part where your brain can't attach a meaning to what you are seeing....  about hearing your own voice as louder and distorted....

 

I remember one day when a close friend came to visit.  She was talking and I was watching her face and knew that she was speaking English,  but it was as if the words were individually falling from her mouth in blocks and I couldn't string the meaning of the sentence together.  I kept nodding and smiling but I was in shock.

 

The blurry vision....  the weird brain pressure and dense feeling........all of it.   

 

I was sure it was related to a concussion, or my Lyme diagnosis..  (which it could have partially been as those conditions resemble what benzo tolerance and withdrawal can be:  a brain injury)

 

I can tell you that it's is so much better now that i am post benzo tapering.  Both my vision and processing have improved.  Because it's early days into my healing from benzo damage, I still get waves of dysfunction.  Almost as bad as in the old days, but I'm getting more and windows of some almost normal functioning.    Enough to know I'm on the right track.

 

I see by your history line you have had exposure to the z drugs, benzos and other brain drugs.  I hope if you decide to taper, you find a knowledgeable (in tapering) medical support person.  I didn't.  Not really.  But I learned so much from others right here.  Enough to feel like others knew the craziness of what I was going through, and Enough to give me hope and confidence to taper off.    I'm still a long ways off from normal....  but there's no going back.    Good luck...

 

I am actually finished tapering. The problems started after i had Finished. Scared that they will be permanent. Its so uncomfortable, and makes it hard to read, watch TV and listen to music. I really struggle in conversations. Its just so bad.

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Excellent description Sofa.  Thank you.  It's withdrawal.  Hard for me to believe, too.  But I believe it now, and I'm still continuing to improve.  :D
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