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Living with caretaker who disbelieves it all


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2 years I've been suffering physically and emotionally. And housebound and most of the time bed-bound. I've had psychotic episodes, hallucinations, intense rage Etc. Every time I have and AKA. Every time I have mental issues my husband makes me defend my illness oh, he says we're all drinking the same Kool-Aid, that we do not have brain injuries and wonders why we are mostly women, as if our hormones are causing this. I have him watched many people talk about it and that it is and iatrogenic brain injury. He tells me that I can control when I lose control and then I do it only to gain attention and or make his life less enjoyable. I am suffering everyday suicide almost everyday and was told that he is only with me because I am sick. I have no one else to take care of me I cannot even wipe my own butt. Why is it that people do not research and realize that these drugs are that devastating? When I read that people get divorced and that the families leave them I just thought that's not going to be me and here I am it's me. I thought my husband was an intelligent man and he doesn't want to do any research because he thinks it's only anecdotal and not scientific. He sees what I go through on a daily basis I have never had a psychotic episode of my life I have never had a k a and my life before this happens. I'm just beyond words I've lost my soul as many of you have and any time I mention words like linear or iatrogenic brain injury or anything that has to do with easily explaining what's wrong with us he laughs and says oh you're just going along with everyone else. I tried to explain how dire the situation is and how you can be scared of the littlest things even yourself. What do you do when you've lost everybody in your life that could possibly help you? I'm very limited physically and I've always been fiercely independent fiercely strong woman. Do I go live under a bridge? I am besides myself right now
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What I found when I was recovering was that trying to convince others of how sick I was only added more stress on me which of course made my symptoms worse.  It was so strange, when my friends or family would tell me I was looking better or I seemed to be doing better the first thing I wanted to do was tell them no, I don't feel better.  I'm not so sure now if I said this because I truly didn't feel better or if my poor sick brain kept telling me I wasn't getting better and would never get better so anyone saying I would needed to be told I wasn't and wouldn't. 

 

I don't know if I'm making sense and haven't really thought about this before but what if you could accomplish what I couldn't because I couldn't see past my limited understanding of the recovery process?  What if you could start each day denying the benzo lies the drug tells us which you can find documented here: (Benzo Lies That Have Been Busted ) and instead focus on the positive?  I've noticed in my time here that those who do their best to acknowledge the good they manage to find in their lives seem to handle this better.  We've all heard about self fulfilling prophecies, what if we could actually effect how we feel day to day by practicing some positivity?

 

As for your husband, the dynamics between spouses is so complicated, I noticed in my relationships that the more I'd push, the more pushback I'd get and it was exhausting.  I wonder what would happen if you stopped trying to convince him, would a source of friction between the two of you be eliminated?  I'm wondering if we can compare this situation to politics?  So many people in the same family have had to make a pact not to talk politics (I've had to do this in my own) to preserve the family, they find they can still love each other as long as certain subjects aren't discussed.  Since your husband has made up his mind and no amount of educating on your part (we can't even convince doctors of this) is going to change it can you agree to accept his help, it might lower the temperature in your home.

 

I hope I haven't stepped into anything with my arm chair therapy, I'm not qualified of course to offer any opinions on this subject, I'm just someone who's on the outside looking in at what you've told me of your situation so take it with a grain of salt.

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What I found when I was recovering was that trying to convince others of how sick I was only added more stress on me which of course made my symptoms worse.  It was so strange, when my friends or family would tell me I was looking better or I seemed to be doing better the first thing I wanted to do was tell them no, I don't feel better.  I'm not so sure now if I said this because I truly didn't feel better or if my poor sick brain kept telling me I wasn't getting better and would never get better so anyone saying I would needed to be told I wasn't and wouldn't. 

 

I don't know if I'm making sense and haven't really thought about this before but what if you could accomplish what I couldn't because I couldn't see past my limited understanding of the recovery process?  What if you could start each day denying the benzo lies the drug tells us which you can find documented here: (Benzo Lies That Have Been Busted ) and instead focus on the positive?  I've noticed in my time here that those who do their best to acknowledge the good they manage to find in their lives seem to handle this better.  We've all heard about self fulfilling prophecies, what if we could actually effect how we feel day to day by practicing some positivity?

 

As for your husband, the dynamics between spouses is so complicated, I noticed in my relationships that the more I'd push, the more pushback I'd get and it was exhausting.  I wonder what would happen if you stopped trying to convince him, would a source of friction between the two of you be eliminated?  I'm wondering if we can compare this situation to politics?  So many people in the same family have had to make a pact not to talk politics (I've had to do this in my own) to preserve the family, they find they can still love each other as long as certain subjects aren't discussed.  Since your husband has made up his mind and no amount of educating on your part (we can't even convince doctors of this) is going to change it can you agree to accept his help, it might lower the temperature in your home.

 

I hope I haven't stepped into anything with my arm chair therapy, I'm not qualified of course to offer any opinions on this subject, I'm just someone who's on the outside looking in at what you've told me of your situation so take it with a grain of salt.

 

I appreciated reading this thoughtful post Pamster.

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People do not understand or believe it because they are probably going by what Drs say and are reading medical journals on the subject. Most of this literature states that a few weeks of tapering is all that is needed and then you will be fine...  My current Dr. told me that if I cold turkey I will be fine in one week!!!!  They have no clue and they do not believe us when we tell them how bad we are doing. No one believes how bad I feel either, well except for my mother, but I'm not even sure if she really believes me or is just acting like she does.  The bottom line is if you have never gone through this it is extremely difficult to believe that this kind of torture exists..  I think most Drs. assume that getting off of benzo is the same as getting off of pain killers. I have read that the withdrawals from pain killers only lasts about ten days because GABA B receptors upregulate much quicker. Don't know how true this is but I think Drs. believe it is the same type of withdrawal which it is obviously not.  Don't waste your time trying to convince anyone about how you feel, it is pointless and stressful....
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