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Doubt is a symptom


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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but after nearly 2 years on bb I can tell you taht a nigh-universal symptom is doubt. Doubting that the sx’s are caused by wd, doubting that you’ll heal, doubting your sanity, etc. I think the underlying problem is that the gut feeling of rightness that satisfies a healthy system is compromised in wd. So things don’t “click” into place the same way. A normal system would try to solve this logically, but in a healing system this just generates more doubt. The best I’ve learned to cope with this is accepting it as true and redirecting myself when I see it happen. Figuring this out earlier would have saved me a lot of pain and I hope it does for someone else.
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I needed to hear this.  When things are bad, I think I'll never get better.  When things are good, I doubt all those sx were caused by 4 months of benzo use 13 months ago and wonder what horrible disease I have to cause all this. 
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Thanks for posting this! I completely agree that doubt is always worse with me when my waves are bad. That being said, I feel like having doubt is pretty logical in a situation like this, and I'm not sure if I'd call it a symptom per se. Overall, in my personal experience I have noticed that my doubt over my ability to heal has increased over time in the past 3+ years of this nightmare because the "healing" process has been so non-linear. I get symptoms coming back out of nowhere that have been gone over 2 years that I thought were gone forever. In addition to that, some of these waves this late in the process can feel nearly as brutal as acute. Maybe the right way to say this is a lack of faith? I don't know. I used to be a lot more hopeful in my first couple years of this whole thing that I would eventually fully heal, but somewhere after year 3 I have started to suspect that maybe this is just how things will be from now on and I have to do my best to ignore it and keep living. I hate to sound so cynical, but I'm having a hard time imagining just waking up one day and suddenly most of this stuff is mostly gone. I would probably just assume that I'm in a window rather than actually healing.
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Thanks for posting this! I completely agree that doubt is always worse with me when my waves are bad. That being said, I feel like having doubt is pretty logical in a situation like this, and I'm not sure if I'd call it a symptom per se. Overall, in my personal experience I have noticed that my doubt over my ability to heal has increased over time in the past 3+ years of this nightmare because the "healing" process has been so non-linear. I get symptoms coming back out of nowhere that have been gone over 2 years that I thought were gone forever. In addition to that, some of these waves this late in the process can feel nearly as brutal as acute. Maybe the right way to say this is a lack of faith? I don't know. I used to be a lot more hopeful in my first couple years of this whole thing that I would eventually fully heal, but somewhere after year 3 I have started to suspect that maybe this is just how things will be from now on and I have to do my best to ignore it and keep living. I hate to sound so cynical, but I'm having a hard time imagining just waking up one day and suddenly most of this stuff is mostly gone. I would probably just assume that I'm in a window rather than actually healing.

 

You are not alone my friend. Right here with you  :smitten:

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but after nearly 2 years on bb I can tell you taht a nigh-universal symptom is doubt. Doubting that the sx’s are caused by wd, doubting that you’ll heal, doubting your sanity, etc. I think the underlying problem is that the gut feeling of rightness that satisfies a healthy system is compromised in wd. So things don’t “click” into place the same way. A normal system would try to solve this logically, but in a healing system this just generates more doubt. The best I’ve learned to cope with this is accepting it as true and redirecting myself when I see it happen. Figuring this out earlier would have saved me a lot of pain and I hope it does for someone else.

I am same, when I have good windows I feel it is finished and I am healed...But when the wave comes I think This will never Ends and I totally forget about the Good Waves.. I am thinking to myself, when I am in good windows I Should Write it down that I am doing well record all good feelings I have in that time, and keep it for days which are HARD and Read them in Wavy days and give some assurance from my own Notes that goo days will come again :)  Benzo W/D is like Leaving in a Dark and Cold Planet...But it is temporary

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