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13 months off. Feeling the worst i have felt this whole entire time. It all shifted very recently. I cant sleep anymore, maybe 1 hour of poor sleep per night. Terrible akathisia in my legs, they are so uncomfortable and feel like they need to move all the time. Gi distress, many trips to bathroom all night. Dropping weight. Anxiety. Weakness. Why would i be getting so much worse at this stage? I had been sleeping fine, just lots of muscle tension. This is a whole other ball game. I cant bear it! I fear i have a disease or a really horrible mental health condition. What can i do?? I have a job and 2 small children, i cant fall apart. I pray constantly and am not even that religious. See a doctor? Try a med? (Very scary option). Please help me, i cant take this discomfort!! By the way, i am doing everything "right". No alcohol or caffeine, exercising, earing healthy, no meds except ibuprofen or tylenol here and there. I want to cry for hours but cant even do that.
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13 months off. Feeling the worst i have felt this whole entire time. It all shifted very recently. I cant sleep anymore, maybe 1 hour of poor sleep per night. Terrible akathisia in my legs, they are so uncomfortable and feel like they need to move all the time. Gi distress, many trips to bathroom all night. Dropping weight. Anxiety. Weakness. Why would i be getting so much worse at this stage? I had been sleeping fine, just lots of muscle tension. This is a whole other ball game. I cant bear it! I fear i have a disease or a really horrible mental health condition. What can i do?? I have a job and 2 small children, i cant fall apart. I pray constantly and am not even that religious. See a doctor? Try a med? (Very scary option). Please help me, i cant take this discomfort!! By the way, i am doing everything "right". No alcohol or caffeine, exercising, earing healthy, no meds except ibuprofen or tylenol here and there. I want to cry for hours but cant even do that.

One day at a time...

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I am 13 months off too, also with 2 small children.  Basically I went through everything you wrote, everything, between 9 and 11 months off. 

 

I caught some breaks and had some windows on month 12 and 13.  Even so, I still wonder if I have a disease, like you.  I did try to find out and had a million appointments and tests, and nothing substantial has turned up so far although I have some more to go. 

 

I really think it's all benzos though, and don't think it's uncommon to hit a real rough patch at a year out, +/- a few months.  You're not alone.

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Accidental, i'm so sorry u are in same boat. How do u take care of your children like this? I realky need support right now, this is inhumame torture
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Not easily and not well.  They deserve better, they really do.

 

But, I just focus on them, and put all my focus on them that I can.  I think about how crappy I feel and so no matter how whiny or loud they are I try to give compassion bc that's what I need right now. 

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Titanium (and Accidental),

 

I'm so very sorry for your suffering.  I'm 11 months off as of today and in the worst wave I could have imagined. I'm like you (doing it all "right") and cannot fathom what is going on. I was so much better before this. I have everything you listed and then some.  My chest is incredibly tight. 24/7 strong palpitations, pins and needles and tingling and aching all over.  Unreal.  Let's hope we turn a corner soon.  I'm thinking of you.

 

Helen

 

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Helen, i'm so sorry. I have the pins and needles and chest stuff. This is truly awful. I wish we could go for a walk together and talk. I need a friend who understands. I think my family thinks i am nuts! Maybe we just have to go thru this to get to the other side. Like a rite of passage, no easy way out. I dont even feel like a real person right now!
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Mine think I'm nuts too.  My wife is supportive, but nobody else really thinks this is benzos- just "anxiety". 

 

It's so hard today, my chest is tight too and feel like I can't breathe

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Yes, Titanium a walk together would be lovely. I'm sorry we both feel so gross but it is comforting to know we aren't alone.  Let's keep all our healthy practices and hope they pull us through this. I'm going to miss one of my closest friend's daughter's wedding this week. I can already tell. I can barely take care of myself so not seeing a big social event happening.  Such a bummer.  I'll be pulling for you and thanks for your support too.  I was like you in tolerance withdrawal with kids and a job years ago. It's just brutal.  I think that having the hard job and kids was why I could never get off the meds.  I only work from home part time now and my boys are in their 20s but waiting so long to get off the meds has really put me in a pickle.  Hang in there. I'm with you!

 

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Mine think I'm nuts too.  My wife is supportive, but nobody else really thinks this is benzos- just "anxiety". 

 

It's so hard today, my chest is tight too and feel like I can't breathe

 

Sorry Accidental. Of all the heinous symptoms, I think hard to breathe is my least favorite. My chest hasn't let go in days now.  I feel you.

 

 

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Hang in there titanium.  You're not alone, and getting worse around a year off plus or minus a few months seems really really common. 
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Thank u. This is the hardest thing i can imagine. Just pacing aimlessly around the house today trying to fake normal for my kids. I cant do another bad night, i pray for at least a little relief!
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It’s incredible that the medical field believes these are safe drugs and write scripts so freely.  In the last 2 days 2 people i know well told me they were provided a script for xanax and the dr. Told them no problems if you use as directed…Geesh.
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Thank u. This is the hardest thing i can imagine. Just pacing aimlessly around the house today trying to fake normal for my kids. I cant do another bad night, i pray for at least a little relief!

 

Ive been doing a bit of that this morning. I did a YouTube work out but it didn't really help.  Nobody deserves this and it's a cruel joke that there's nothing to be done for us. 

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If you can try to do about 20 mins of low impact excercise you might find at least some temporary relief.  I’ve just started tapering and really have to push myself to exercise in between doses, even during.  I’ve always exercised and been active my entire life and as confused i am with the withdrawals symptoms, I’m not ever confused that some activity and exercise releases our natural feel good chemicals in our brain.  It has also helped with breathing deeply and working through those awful waves. 

 

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Hello to all.  I thought I would pop in to say I feel your pain and suffering and am so very sorry for each of you going through this tortuous recovery.  But, most importantly I can tell you and reassure each of you that what you are feeling is very common in the one year timeframe.  I have been there, done that, and survived through it all at the age of 75 this week. 

 

I remember the tenth month vividly as one of the worst, with the next few months not much better.  This came after the ninth month was totally wonderful  and I was ready to write my success story.  I was so disheartened but there was nothing to hang onto but those BBs telling me to hang on tight as my healing was coming.  And it has in bursts and spurts, but always coming.  If there is one thing I have learned through this most awful of journeys is that those buddies that have gone before us, are telling the TRUTH….we heal and all it takes is TIME!  I fought long and hard in learning to accept that advice, but now that I am at 25 months, I really really believe that TIME is the ultimate healer.  Now, my long drawn out recovery is not typical:  I had three surgeries, had a number of steroid shots, had several bouts of antibiotics, and lastly a bad reaction to my two Pfizer shots and the booster.

So, even though my age played a part and other medical issues and meds hindered my recovery to some degree, I am pretty much at the end of my own personal benzo recovery story,

 

Please remember that your symptoms of pain and mental torment are all part of benzo injury, an injury that is temporary.  I had a zillion tests on every part of my body, and especially my head as I had daily headaches off and on for three years, and all my tests were Negative.  Nothing else wrong with me at all.

 

I am pulling and praying for all of you and will be dancing a Hap Hap Happy Dance when you write your success stories.  It is coming🙏🙏🎉🎉🎉🥰

 

Hugs,

 

GG

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Thank u so much GG. Your post gives me strength. Its so hard when each minute feels like an hour of torture. But if u can do it at 75, so can we- u are an inspiration! I'm so happy u r feelimg better.
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GG, you are the BEST. Thank you for caring so much about all of us. 

 

XOXOXO :smitten:

 

Agreed.  THANK YOU!

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I just wanted to add that my self confidence has been destroyed by going thru this proccess. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel embarrased, and like people can tell i'm not okay.
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Me to at 15months now and stated a wave that’s like CT

 

I have been tapering baclo to but I think this is benzo. When will it finally end is my question to ! Unfortunately it’s ground hog day untill it’s done

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Hi Oceandude.  I also was given Baclofen and did have some trouble getting off of it.  However, it was a matter of days, not weeks, and then I felt better.

 

Some of my last waves also felt like CT.  I couldn’t believe that it was still BWD, but it was.

 

Hang on, you are getting there!!!

 

GG

 

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Is there anyway you can reduce your hours at work or make money differently? Working PT and managing my home is all I can do right now. I mean I'm thankful bc there have def been episodes during this where I couldn't work at all. I've been lucky that my work is flexible and I've found some other ways to make money that I can do when I'm in a window, but rest when I'm in a wave.

 

I've def soon the fake normal thing around my kids - but they are older. Little ones would def be a challenge to say the least. Do you have family or friends who can help with them?

 

Just trying to think of way to help you:)

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Thank u Trina. Unfortunately i am contracted to work a set schedule and will need to resign if i can't do it. I am considering this because i am struggling so, but hate to because when i feel well i enjoy the work and my family really needs the money. Also i think resigning would really impact my self esteem even more. I love the idea of flexible, part time work. Or even just take some time off to focus on wellness if we can do it financially.
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