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Visualization and creativity is gone - can it come back?


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Hi

 

I used to be able to visualize quite clearly and was very creative and had a huge imagination. I always wanted to be a writer.

 

But over the last three weeks, my crystal clear visualization is gone. I now struggle to hold on to simple pictures in my mind, and they are distant and blurry. My imagination, creativity and intellect have also diminished greatly!

 

I cant picture my moms face anymore! Most of my memories are visual, so this is quite scary i have to say! Its only getting worse and i dont know what to do! I am afraid its gonna go away completely!

 

Do you think it can get better? Anyone else experince something similar?

 

I also struggle with worsening anhedonia and a disconnection to the world! I used to be a big daydreamer, but i cant connect with any if the little blurry images i still can create. They seem so far away.

 

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These thoughts and feelings are very common, we lose so many connections to ourselves, no wonder we're so lost and fearful but it all returns when we recover.  Keep reading the Success Stories, that's what got me through this.
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I feel this too.  I didn't experience this until I swapped from xanax to valium to make tapering easier.  The valium just sort of dulls my imagination and makes me feel sad and weepy.

 

Xanax also affected my ability to dream. When I had tapered down to 1.2ish mg of xanax (from 3.7ish) I started having the regular vivid amazing dreams I had before I ever put a benzo in my mouth.  It honestly made me feel so hopeful.  Swapping to Valium did that in. My dreams are flat now and I don't really remember them.

 

However; I read somewhere that people started to feel less sad and more creative as they dropped the valium. I am banking on this. I miss my imagination as it is a large part of who I am and also a crucial coping mechanism.

 

I do think it was a good choice to cross over to valium for the taper, but it truly is a trade off. I have traded in the morning and evening panic attack/electric rushes of the xanax taper for the dulling of my imagination and this sort of constant sorrow.

 

I can't quote anything I have read or even point you to sources because the valium also apparently makes me not the smartest, but please know that I did find many examples of people getting their regular imaginations back once they were low on their taper.

 

I have Finished tapering though, and my problems started just three weeks ago and have gradually gotten worse. Thats what is so scary. Took 10 mg valium three weeks ago, and afraid that might have given me a bit of a reaction. Quit benzo in october last year originally

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I’m a writer. This happened to me and it sent me into despair because I thought I’d lost my creativity. But then I took some online writing workshops and forced myself to write, which brought it back over time. I actually think my inner director is better than it was before because I had to relearn how to visualize. I’m now drafting a TV pilot and have switched my life direction to screenwriting. So, you know, it not only gets betterbut potentially puts you in an even better position than you were in before.
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I’m a writer. This happened to me and it sent me into despair because I thought I’d lost my creativity. But then I took some online writing workshops and forced myself to write, which brought it back over time. I actually think my inner director is better than it was before because I had to relearn how to visualize. I’m now drafting a TV pilot and have switched my life direction to screenwriting. So, you know, it not only gets betterbut potentially puts you in an even better position than you were in before.

 

Did you lose your visualization completely? Mine is totally gone. I cant see anything even if i try. If i try my head starts to hurt and burn! And my forehead Feel tight.

 

I also struggle with really blunted emotions. I just dont Feel like a human anymor really.

 

How Did you relearn to visualize?

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Yeah, I had zero ability to visualize or think creatively. And also lost abilities to plan or think systematically about things. It did some weird thing to my nervous sytem and I’d get tremors. Basically, I signed myself up for a writing workshop and with soft deadlines and forced myself to figure out how to fill the pages. I borrowed ideas, looked at pictures of other things to inspire me, and sometimes just free wrote stuff I knew was trite. What I think this did was built new connections which is why the skills are stronger now. Rather than the one visualization path that I took for granted, I’ve now built several others from the ground up. It’s been proven that new skills acquisition helps neuroplasticity so much.

 

Also, I had blunted emotions and depersonalization in a terrible way. They just faded over time. Just realize that doubting it will ever improve or that it’s caused by wd is a symptom. But one day you’ll look around and realize that you haven’t felt these in a while and can’t quite remember when it stopped.

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Yeah, I had zero ability to visualize or think creatively. And also lost abilities to plan or think systematically about things. It did some weird thing to my nervous sytem and I’d get tremors. Basically, I signed myself up for a writing workshop and with soft deadlines and forced myself to figure out how to fill the pages. I borrowed ideas, looked at pictures of other things to inspire me, and sometimes just free wrote stuff I knew was trite. What I think this did was built new connections which is why the skills are stronger now. Rather than the one visualization path that I took for granted, I’ve now built several others from the ground up. It’s been proven that new skills acquisition helps neuroplasticity so much.

 

Also, I had blunted emotions and depersonalization in a terrible way. They just faded over time. Just realize that doubting it will ever improve or that it’s caused by wd is a symptom. But one day you’ll look around and realize that you haven’t felt these in a while and can’t quite remember when it stopped.

 

Thank you for your reply! Is your visualization back to what it was? Mine is getting worse and now i cant picture anything in my mind. If i try to see images my head only hurts. I struggle to remember things when i cant visualize at all, and its like my past life is gone because i cant see it.

 

Did the visualization fade gradually for you as well? Did it get as bad as mine?

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