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Never gonna get better. Keep messing up


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I won’t ever be getting better. The past couple months I’ve tried different things for sleep. Trazadone. Doxepine. Lunesta. Works great for sleep but feel crappy. I’m ruining any healing. I’ve been in acute withdrawals for almost two years. When the severe akathesia and panic set in I can’t live through it. I take a rescue dose.

I’ve tried sleeping teas. Melatonin. You name it

 

So I’ve come to the realization that I will never get better. This is my life now. And it truly sucks

I was polydrrugged and kindled so much.

 

Just not sure what to do anymore. Just don’t want to feel shitty anymore

I was a normal happy person two years ago. Adverse reaction to cymbalta led me to being polydruged so bad

 

This is just it. And it’s devastating

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What other drugs have you taken, I don't see Cymbalta in your signature.  When you say you take a rescue dose, are you talking about Klonopin?  I don't see the Trazodone and Doxepine as a problem but the Lunesta definitely is, Ambien is what kept me from recovering after my cold turkey.

 

According to your signature I don't see how you could have been kindled, have you taken benzo's before you got on Klonopin?

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I took cymbalta 3 times for back pain due to lupus. Had severe akathesia reaction. It was this reaction that was the reason I ct off Vicodin. And coming off Vicodin gave me depression. Which is why I took mirtazapine. Coming off mirtazapine caused insomnia. Which is why I took klon. Jeez. Horrible.

I’ve taken rescue doses of Valium when the panic is really bad. I’ve taken temezapam several times in the past 4 months.

 

I just can’t stand the insomnia. It’s horrible. I think meds like trazadone and Doxepine have antihistamine which for some reason don’t agree with me

 

It’s just hopeless and horrible

 

Oh yeah and I tried taking Vicodin a couple times as well because in the past it helped me with depression and fatigue. But now it doesn’t work

 

I’m at a loss

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I swear by hydroxyzine. It let me get the sleep I desperately needed and

actually chill the f out without messing me up the next day or kindling me since it’s an antihistamine.

Bring it up with your doctor/psych if you can.

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Thanks for the suggestion on hydroxyzine. I’ve tried it. I don’t do well with antihistamines for some reason

 

 

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I'm so sorry you're in this terrible situation but reaching for the drugs is keeping you in this situation.  I did the same thing, I started taking Ambien about 5 months past my cold turkey and I stopped getting better and instead got much worse until I stopped the Ambien.  I swear it was just about a day later that the akathisia stopped, I felt calm and peaceful inside.  I couldn't sleep for a few days but things just kept getting better and better and my sleep returned.

 

I hate that you're reaching for the drug and it's keeping you sick, is there any chance you could dispose of the crutches that are keeping you this way?

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your posts make my heart ache. you are so strong with everything you have faced. it seems so unfair that you suffer with all this and have lupus. I had many sleepless nights with horrible anxiety. I did my best and got thru those awful days. they do eventually end but taking rescue doses only prolongs the agony. At night, I would just stay in bed and play Words with Friends and if I was really anxious I would do 478 breathing exercises.  I know you can do this. You are a veteran warrior having to deal with lupus all these years. The insomnia is miserable but it will subside considerably if you give it more time without rescue doses.
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I’m right beside you I smoke Marijuana all day everyday now or cope with this madness of hell withdrawal I have been in for 5 years!
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Awww I'm so sorry! I know you feel hopeless :(

Like many here, I was a hardcore insomnia person during WD. And with the days being sooo painfully torturous and then not being able to escape it with sleep is sooooo awful.

I was one that couldn't take anything else. I tried believe me. And it all made me worse. I can't do antihistamines either. At the peak of my insomnia I was begging doctors to put me in a medical induced coma. Sleep doctors were baffled and I even had one that was considering giving me the date rape drug!! Thank goodness we did not! But what I'm saying is that I understand what it feels like to be hopeless like that.

Once you can accept that you have to ride it out, it just becomes something you have to do, because you don't have a choice ( in my case I literally didn't have a choice because nothing worked).

But sleep does come back! It takes a while, and you may go through weird little cycles like not sleep for 2 days then sleep some, then a zero night and then get some with a few hours here and there. It sucks, not gonna lie. But it is survivable. Eventually your body and brain start getting back into a groove and find it's rhythm. It wants to sleep and will find it's way back. I'm so sorry, I know people used to tell me that, and I couldn't fathom it. I know :(

I know all the things you have tried, but for the anxiety I know sometimes a less invasive thing like propranolol can be helpful. And maybe even certain CBD oils can help and can also help with sleep as well. I don't know. Some people have luck with magnesium..  others like me didn't. But you can check around here for more natural stuff.

I hate to ask this, but did mirtazapine help you sleep?

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Deniz. I am taking plaquenil currently for my lupus. And my lupus is affecting my central nervous system so I’m supposed to start cytoxin treatment
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Shell ask your doctor for an immuno- suppressant rapamycin for systemic linflamation. It may help with the treatment of resistant lupus. the immunosuppressant is helping with symptoms here of both benzo wd and what looks like lupus or another systemic inflammation with symptoms like it. What symptoms of infection are most bothering you? I'm having an inflammation in my lung that is swelling in my back. I'm on rapamycin weekly and its helping with it. Im also doing better regarding pain, neuropathy and mental symptoms. The neurological disregulaion continues but the inflammation is at bay. how is your reaction to plaquenil ?

 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29551338/ and here is another info on it

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Deniz - plaquenil is fine. No reactions to it

my brain symptoms from the lupus is neuropsychiatric lupus affecting my central nervous system. which can cause severe depression and psychosis if not treated. I am not sure if it's lupus or medication wd that are affecting me

my vision is off. brain fog. extreme fatigue. it's really bad. my lab work shows significant involvement in my CNS

I will look into that medication. Thank you

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