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Anyone regain their cognitive abilities?


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Hi again,

 

Sorry for all of the posts.

 

I really struggle with my cognition worsening and my memory being really bad. I struggle to learn and remember new things, i have trouble planning and doing simple tasks.

 

My mind is also very blank. It used to be full of ideas when presented with a tasks at school or papers to write, but i cant come up with nothing now. I just feel so stupid.

 

I just sit in my chair and nothing comes in my head. No thoughts or images of things i want or like. I used to be able to entertain my myself with just my thoughts and imagination. Now that its gone i Feel so lost and bored.

 

I have always been a good writer, but i cant wirte good anymore. I cant «see» what sentences fit together and it doesnt flow like before. Writing texts freely is so hard now. Never had issues before with that. When i try think my mind struggles and hurt again, and like i now i should be able to do it easy, but i just stare at my computer and cant figure out How to make a good sentence because i cant see the alternatives!

 

I struggle to think abstractly and creativitly. My thinking is very concrete and specific in its thinking, and my mind feels very locked and i cant think from different sides or around a topic. My mind is very literal and basic it feels.

 

My brain also struggle with processing and understanding information. I struggle to comprehend what i see and hear. It just does not penetrate into my brain, and i have to focus on simple messages and still struggle. Feels like i live in a constant fog and in another world because the world feels hazy and i am so spaced out.

 

I also struggle with not being able to visualize like i said in another post, and i Feel like this connects to my cognition since i am a very visual learner and my memory is visual.

 

I cannot remember anything. I will forget what i read, saw or heard  just seconds later. I Feel so stupid.

 

Anyone have it this bad and get better? How long Did it take?

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Yes, things definitely get better. I am a writer and was as dumb as a box of rocks during my taper. I could barely watch sf reruns on my tablet.

 

But since my taper I have published 3 novels (I was a novelist before benzos made me stupid) and started my own publishing house. So, yup, you'll get your writing chops back.

 

A hint, though: start small and keep at it. Write something . . .anything, even for yourself. "My Hell In Benzos" for instance. There's a topic worth writing about!

 

Best to you,

 

Katz

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Oh yes, mine came back with a vengeance. I remember early on in withdrawal simply staring at but through the TV, unable to mentally connect with what I was seeing. I'd watch the news and read the lower third but not comprehend what it was saying. I stopped watching my favorite sitcoms because I no longer got the jokes. For someone who always lived in my head it was worse than the laundry list of physical symptoms.

 

 

I feel like my mind overcompensated once it started ticking over again and I ended up awake 20 hours a day absolutely manic teaching myself to write code which I'd never had any interest in before. It was a language called pinescript which has no tutorials or user community to go to for help so it was essentially trial and error. It was like learning to build a car by tearing several apart and trying to put them back together. 90 days later I had completed a script that I still use to automate my bitcoin trades. It returned 400% profit in 2020! I started to understand all sorts of little things about the world around me that had never occurred to me on a conscious level. It kinda felt like what I imagine the drug from the movie limitless would feel like. This was my mind awakening after 20 years of benzo-induced slumber. My entire adult life I was drugged and though I was top of all my classes and generally felt like the smartest guy in many rooms, I had no idea the capacity that was lying dormant. Eventually my sleep schedule normalized and the mania wore off thankfully, but I now have a clarity that I know I was missing for so long.

 

So to answer your question, not only will you regain everything you lost, you'll likely come away with much greater clarity and insight. That's something to look forward to.

 

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Dang these are some good posts

Yes, I got all my cognitive abilities back! Not only my memories, but my ability to connect with them as well :)

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Yes, things definitely get better. I am a writer and was as dumb as a box of rocks during my taper. I could barely watch sf reruns on my tablet.

 

But since my taper I have published 3 novels (I was a novelist before benzos made me stupid) and started my own publishing house. So, yup, you'll get your writing chops back.

 

A hint, though: start small and keep at it. Write something . . .anything, even for yourself. "My Hell In Benzos" for instance. There's a topic worth writing about!

 

Best to you,

 

Katz

 

Thank you for your reply!

 

Did you also lose your imagination? I used to have a vivid imagination and visualization, but its all gone now. My head is so empty its scary. I try to force the visualization, dreams and imagination, but its just all gone and i cant do it. Its really scary!

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Oh yes, mine came back with a vengeance. I remember early on in withdrawal simply staring at but through the TV, unable to mentally connect with what I was seeing. I'd watch the news and read the lower third but not comprehend what it was saying. I stopped watching my favorite sitcoms because I no longer got the jokes. For someone who always lived in my head it was worse than the laundry list of physical symptoms.

 

 

I feel like my mind overcompensated once it started ticking over again and I ended up awake 20 hours a day absolutely manic teaching myself to write code which I'd never had any interest in before. It was a language called pinescript which has no tutorials or user community to go to for help so it was essentially trial and error. It was like learning to build a car by tearing several apart and trying to put them back together. 90 days later I had completed a script that I still use to automate my bitcoin trades. It returned 400% profit in 2020! I started to understand all sorts of little things about the world around me that had never occurred to me on a conscious level. It kinda felt like what I imagine the drug from the movie limitless would feel like. This was my mind awakening after 20 years of benzo-induced slumber. My entire adult life I was drugged and though I was top of all my classes and generally felt like the smartest guy in many rooms, I had no idea the capacity that was lying dormant. Eventually my sleep schedule normalized and the mania wore off thankfully, but I now have a clarity that I know I was missing for so long.

 

So to answer your question, not only will you regain everything you lost, you'll likely come away with much greater clarity and insight. That's something to look forward to.

 

Thank you for your answer!

 

I am just afraid its permanent. Its only getting worse, and i think i kindled myself taking 15 mg valium and zopiclone in the last few weeks to handle akathisa as my Doctor said. I am also suffering a reaction to Remeron currently. Originally quit benzo october last year.

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Yes, cognitive ability does return and for me it came back as a new and improved version. While on benzos, during withdrawal and recovery, I felt pretty dumb. My piano playing was awful, there was a disconnect between my fingers and my brain. Sometimes, um, a lot of times, I felt my students played better than me. Once off benzos and in recovery, cognition started to improve. I actually felt I could concentrate better, longer, especially at the piano. My first post benzo recital was amazing, the good endorphins were there! It was very worth waiting for.

 

I know that as we age cognition can wane. I'm 71 and still teaching, my memory is pretty darn good. 

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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Holy crap yes... Oh my God my came back like I owed it money. And listen I know what your feeling... In my acute stages I Remeber feeling like I was moving in fog ontop of a thicker form of water it was devastating. It was so bad I couldn't construct a sentence to the point where I stayed away from people. I literally locked my self in my bedroom, thank God I am part owner of my garbage and had some income but man at my worst I couldn't Remeber my age... I spent 14 days going "Okay think, thick... Your birthday is on October 31 born 1990,and it's December 2019...how old would you be?" it was bad. I couldn't Remeber if I had a shower that day, I couldn't Remeber my password for my Bank account like things were rough I thought I'd be this way for life.

 

One day out of the blue I Remeber my age and I Remeber just crying I was so happy. Listen when you are in that kind of status of decline it's demoralizing sure but dehumanizing fits better you are so ashamed with yourself it's not even funny. You start to negatively break yourself down further and it's so over whelming a dehumanizing experience but at the same time you are so ashamed that you allowed this to happen to you which you didn't but at the time your subconscious is willing to link anything together to make sense of things especially if it goes against you and your happiness.

 

But then bigger things came back... I had to call my bank and ask if I could reset my pin back to its previous input. I Remebered that which car was mine. Things came back so quick but the sharpness and clarity was outstanding. If you've ever seen me post in the Benzo groups you'd know I post BOOKS lol. I found a newer me, someone who can construct sentences I never could to which yes I'm still working on proper grammar but the fluidity of my words just flows when I get into a topic.

 

You just keep on recovery and don't you dare let this hiccup convince you that this is the new you for no one because its not I promise you it's not this is just a chapter in your book towards recovery. You will get hit with a dang wave of words and rememberance you thought was lost. I can't say how long this will take for you but I promise you it's not gone forever it's just temporary disabled as your brain enters neuroplasticity as a means to rebuild and re-wire. Hey... If you allow this state you are in to convince you of anything other then "I will recover"... I'll hunt you down, (Input "Man of steel general zods scream)" I WILL FIND YOUUUU" (It's "I will find him", not "you" but you get it).

 

Also that's a joke people... I'm looking for no one lol I thought I'd add some humour

 

Just keep pushing and ride this ridiculous process out. Recovery is within your name Remeber that. Benzos don't cause enough Nervous system injury to cause permanently harm. This is just a chapter... Keep reading, get to the next one. If that one sucks as well then hey keep on reading until you find one that's better suited for you because it's out there.

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Sofa,

 

Yes, definitely cognition has improved for me. For most of the years I was taking the meds, I could barely hold my thoughts.  My handwriting was awful and I'd go to write someone a note and leave letters out of words. I had always been a good speller before.  I'm 10 1/2 months off and I can read long, complicated books, do word puzzles and I'm relearning a 2nd language.  I keep organized financial records and all sorts of other things now.  And I'm 60 years old! You'll get it back. I encourage you to eat good brain foods like avocados and nuts and fish, etc.  I eat those foods regularly and meditate. Keeping your brain calm will help it heal. You'll get it back!

 

Helen

 

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Dang these are some good posts

Yes, I got all my cognitive abilities back! Not only my memories, but my ability to connect with them as well :)

 

I really struggle with the loss of visual imagination and memory. I just really struggle with having no thoughts or imaginations at all. I am just so bored because i cant entertain myself with my own thougts. Its so distressing. I cant think creativity, associative or abstract. I struggle in school. I am just bored. I walk down the Street and unless i talk to myself there are no thougts or fantasies in my head, even if i try to force it. Its just empty. Its like i am not even in there. When i try to fantazise it just does not want to happen. I cant visualize and i dont have any imagination!

 

For someone who is used to thinking imagining and having ideas about all there is, this is really scary. I cant focus or concentrate on things either. I struggle to get interested because i cant picture it. I read a menu on a restaurant and pictueres of the food does not automatically pop up in my head like before, so i have to concentrate to remember what the food is. This is just an example of How it feels.

 

I also struggle to read because i dont get pictures in my head when i read, and it makes it hard to understand words and and understand the story!

 

Do you think it can get better?

 

I cant Feel interested in anything or anyone. I Feel like my emotions are blunted and i Feel a little dissociated. I struggle to Feel connection to anyone when my mind is so blank. I struggle to be present also when i have no thougts or interests!

 

I also have no emotions and anhedonia.

 

Is losing visual memory normal in withdrawal?

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A couple things stuck out to me about your last reply. You said you're struggling in school. I'm amazed you're going to school. At my worst I couldn't drive myself or put together a sentence. School was WAY out of the question. You mentioned being bored walking down the street. At my worst I physically couldn't walk. 

 

A year later I'm running 3 miles a day and finished school first in my class.  I'm walking talking proof of the extraordinary ability of the human mind to mend itself.  Try reading some stories from people who've come back from traumatic brain injuries. It's not too dissimilar from what we go through.

 

None of this is permanent. It only feels that way when all you want is to rush the healing. Be kind to yourself, relax and give your mind time to do what it needs to do.

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Yes! Cognitive abilities have come back. Better than ever,  I have to say. This is not permanent. It all comes.back. Keep pushing through!
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