New to forum 3 months in

[[we...]]

I’m wester11 and I am 3 months since last dose. Peaked at 4mg for 13 years. New doctor briefed me I need to consider stopping while I’m younger. I spent 30 deathly sick wanting stop it all. Next 30 days better but no memory, last 30 days has nearly broken my spirit. Nothing seems like getting out of bed for. I’ve have every symptom available. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[[Pa...]]

Hello wester11, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

I can see how miserable you are, I'm so sorry, what benzodiazepine were you taking and how quickly did you taper?  I'm happy to hear you know there is light at the end of the tunnel but I'm sure it's looking pretty dim right now.  Recovery is possible but there is too much misery before that happens.

 

I'll provide some links to get you started on the forum but please let us know how we can help you, we know how much you're suffering.

 

Pamster

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

[[we...]]

Hey Pamster,

 

I tapered from 4mg to 1mg over a year, that was easy. The last year was down to splitting a 1/2mg then switched from Klonopin to Librium for a few weeks. I was able to go 30 days and doctor added Back Librium for a few weeks 10mg a day which is a fraction of the final dose. This helped a lot. Added Ambien at 10mg a night. Then to help with the crippling numbness Gabapentin 900mg a day as I lost feeling in hands and fingers. The GABA helped but other sides wasn’t worth it. Tapered off Gaba 7 days ago and numbness is back. My ADD meds have helped during the day to focus. Simply like standing in the rain naked. 13 years at 3-4mg daily, 19 years sober in AA. Sponsor told me there would be days like this.

[[Pa...]]

You've done a great job of tapering your medications and to be honest, I think you're better off getting off of the Gabapentin too.  I've seen it help some members but then I see them struggle to get off of it.

 

I've read other members discuss taking their ADD medication while going through this and it seems like they can make it work so I'm glad you're still able to take it.

 

Congratulations on 19 years of sobriety, I'm a friend of Bill W too.

[[we...]]

Hey Pamster,

 

I was wondering if anyone had responded to my post. I didn’t see the little thing at top that says check the responses to my post, lol. I’ve set a reminder to get in the habit checking my account. Recovery from this I’ve lost perception of time and space, I’ve had to start writing everything down. I can get up to get a drink of water and I’ll forget before I get there.

 

Like they say, I’m a double winner.

 

My temper, memory, patience for basic things have be pushed to the absolute limit. Sitting on my hands doing the next right thing.

[[Pa...]]

I worked through my recovery and I was a mess, I had to make lists and write notes to myself but it kept me employed so it was worth it.  I'm glad to see you and hope you're okay, you seem to have a sense of humor through your pain which is amazing! 

[[we...]]

Thanks Pamster,

 

Yep I think sometimes it’s being delirious but recognizing the tragedy as a bit of humor is worth it. If you’ve ever gone to a movie with recovery friends it goes a little like this “someone gets murdered and the recovery section erupts in laughter”.

 

This weekend was better with my sobriety birthday and my brothers same week.

[[Pa...]]

Hey, anytime we can laugh its a win, I find the older I get the less I laugh and its sad but I started my day out with a good one, someone sent me a video of an old Carol Burnett show with Harvey Korman and Tim Conway.  You probably aren't old enough to know who these guys were but it was hilarious and it felt good to have tears running down my face. 

 

Your brother is sober too, that's so cool!