was down to 3 mlgs of xanax and slipped to 10 mlgs yesterday? Should i soldier o

[[ge...]]

Hi BBZ,

Well i thought i was doing really well. Down to well 3.25 xanax per day.....than yesterday i had this thought that i was doing so well that perhaps i should updose for a day to see if my tolerance had gone down. Not just that thought , but combined with stress and boredom and a new house change , as well as a general feeling of malaise. So i took around 10 mlgs yestderay ( i cant remember)....my mum found me past out and groggi. Remebber i use to be on 10 mlgs a day a few months ago!.... 5 months ago! Look there was no need to take the extra pills....cept i was just restless. I didnt take them all at once ....but over a long period of time. There is no ne to supervise me at home during the day. Ive been at the 3.25 mlg mark for a month now....i may have been thiniking to reward myself. Anyway bbz. Should i just go back to 3.25 today and deal with the consequences of my massive updose yesterady? It seems that i cant win. I would do a cold turkey or a rapid detox if i could? But XANAX...well ive tried it before and wasnt too successful. The way my mind worls.....well if i reward myself for my behavious yesterday and take more xanax today....im setting myself up to fall hard and repeat this beahviour....what should i do? Has anyome else done this? I hate myself today becuase i know what i did was stupid and wrong.....and i hurt my mum....she found me passed out!

Gem

[[Pa...]]

I hope you'll go back to your normal dose, you've obviously lowered your tolerance since you passed out from the large dose.  Just put this behind you and continue with your taper so you can be done with it and not be tempted to take them the way you did yesterday.

[[ge...]]

thanks pam,

yes i still feel groggy today. Ill resume the normal dose today.

Gem

 

[[Pa...]]

I know 12 step groups aren't the answer for benzo issues, but they might help you figure out how to deal with your compulsion to take them.  I used the 12 steps to understand my addiction problems, perhaps they could help you to understand why you took so many yesterday and give you some tools to prevent you from doing it again.

[[Ma...]]

No offense Gem, but that was NO slip. That was a conscious decision to abuse your medication. Don't beat yourself up over it, just recognize it for what it is and maybe get some help. I think a 12 step program wouldnt be a bad thing to look into man. Good luck to you  

[[Pe...]]

How people generally die from drug overdose is doing exactly what you did, according to my GP.  People think they can go back to the dose they originally took after tapering/taking a lower dose, not realizing that your body built up a tolerance to that higher dose, and you no longer have the same tolerance level after you have begun a taper or decreased your mg intake.

 

I say this out of love -I hope you realize how seriously dangerous it was what you did and how lucky you were to not have something really bad happen.  I don't mean to sound like a parent, but this is no game.

 

We all care about you.

 

I did a rapid detox at a detox facility.  It was disastrous.  Every reputable authority says you should not cold turkey or detox from benzos.  I am sorry to say there is just simply no easy way out.  The sooner you can bring yourself to accept this fact the better off you will be.  I know this is hard to swallow.  But just remember we are all in the same boat and are here to support you!

[[ge...]]

Thanks,

yes taking that extra medication e few days ago...felt good. I knew it would feel good and im use to it feeling good. Tapering doesnt feel at all good and im in a really isoclated area with my mum (on a property) where there arnt any 12 step groups and no one gets what im going through. I just hope one day if i get off this stuff i will feel good without having to take pills. I ve just moved to get more support and to live with ppl (my mum and sista) i was updosing like that all the time a few years ago, so at least im not doing it frequently and see it for what it is. I know that im an addict and 12 steps do not work for me, not in a social setting anyway. But thatnsk for your replies. ive been sticking to 3.25 now for 2 days. AND not drinking EVERYDAY. But you are right about it being a conscious decision, though i had a drink or two before i did that. I dont think that would have happened without the drink.

Gem

[[Pe...]]

In case you didn't know, Alcohol and Benzodiazepines both effect GABA and you are playing Russian roulette with your life.  I know that sounds harsh, but it is a fact.  Mixing the two is flirting with disaster.  I am glad you are moving and will have people around to help you.  It would be such a waste to loose you to this. If you need to just talk out a problem, vent your anger, or are simply lonely we are here for you.  Whatever you need.  Please don't turn to alcohol or take more Xanax.  We will be here for you if you feel weak.  I simply don't know what else to say.  What you are doing is deeply disturbing to me.  I am very concerned.  Are you getting at all how dangerous what you are doing is?  You may have done these things multiple times in the past, but one more time may be one time too many.  It has happened to many others thinking the same way you are.  Think of how devastated your Mum would be to loose you.  She would probably never recover from it.  Think of your sis, she needs you in her life.  Her heart would break.  If the 12 steps don't work for you, keep looking for something that will.  My hopes and prayers are with you.

[[Pa...]]

When you drink, your willpower goes out the window and until you stop drinking, you won't be able to get off of the benzo.  Please listen to Perseverance, the next time you do this could be your last time.  If you don't have support locally, please check out these sites. 

 

http://aa-intergroup.org/

 

http://www.aaonline.net/

[[ge...]]

@[ P...]

thnaks for your replies. Perserverance...alcohol and xaanx has gone hand in hand for me for so long now that i think im overconfident with the two.... i really havent had much of a problem. I reasoned that drinkin less alcohol and taking extra xanax would be less dangerous than drinking till black out. Thats true bout what you said bout my mum and sister. Pam....the constant reminder about the alcohol is slowly getting into my brain i think. Im not as bad as i was, but thanks for the reminder, both of you. Yes im much safer from me....with my mum. Shes a nurse and deals with addicts too. Shes slworly gonna try and get some extra help for me.

gemxo @ 3.25 for another 10 days or so before i hit my record low 3mlgs!

[[Pe...]]

I was so happy that you recognized the overconfidence aspect.  Good for you gembaby!  I was also happy and relieved to hear that your Mum is a nurse and has experience with addicts.  Why do you think you need to be numbed with these substances?  What's going on?  Is it anything you feel you can talk about with us?  Life can seem very hard at times.  Problems can feel overwhelming.  But there really are healthy things you can find to escape and cope.

 

I used to get lost in painting.  I would put on my favorite soft music, put out my palette, paints, and assorted mediums and get lost in my imagination.  It was so relaxing, and rewarding when I was able to master a difficult painting technique.  It was an awesome escape from reality that I am looking forward to resuming once I am recovered.  This was one of the many joys the benzos stole from me.  Benzos eventually make you lose interest in things you really love and leave you flat and in physical and mental agony.  It creeps up on you over time.  No one is immune.

 

You may not be into painting but there are many other wonderful things out there to be discovered and enjoyed.  There are so many fun sports. Why not try something thrilling like snow boarding, skiing, or rollerblading?  You don't have to be a professional athlete to enjoy them.  The sense of accomplishment is wonderful when you are no longer falling down and are gliding freely.  A walk down a wooded trail with the sun filtering through the trees on a warm day is a great way to de-stress.

 

I think you get the point.  Are you really enjoying life right now?  Do you want a full life?  It is yours for the taking.  It is up to you.  Don't miss out on the wonderful opportunities out there.  I am in your corner gembaby.  I think you are an intelligent person and you are figuring it out.  Life's lessons can be hard, but the important thing is that we learn from them and don't get stuck along the way.