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im having a really bad time, and worst part is im not even off completely. Im 2 months into taper, drastically lowered medication and im a mess, its only been two months and now its getting intense. I can hardly function in the real world, background noise, confusion, cant concentrate, nothing seems attractive anymore, everything seems bleak, cant talk well, unable to be happy about anything, feel like i have the flu all day, fatigued all day, feeling of going insane on many different levels, cant stop having emotional breakdowns and cry all the time, millions of memories flood by head and cause horrible anxiety/regret. Plus a million other symptoms, its just very bad.

 

My main point/topic is support system, im only 2 months into taper and the intensity has gotten bad in the last few days and pretty much my whole support system is running for the hills, but i dont blame them. I wouldnt know what to do either. My girlfriend who is obsessed with me who literally would never leave me over the years and never ever would think of straying away from me has all but told me she cant deal with this anymore. Realistically its only 2 months and its just getting worse, i dont see how this realtionship can last and its tearing me apart but i cant blame her, she needs a boyfriend not a mental patient. The only other person wiling to show support is my mom and i can tell she is also pretty much done with this too. I feel like such a waste, i mean what can i do? I wish i was better but im not. People have their own lives to deal with, so i cant blame them for not wanting to have to care for a headcase. But what do you do for support? No doctor will help, family and friends are running away...this forum is all i have i guess. What else is there, what do you all do to make people understand? And even if they understand, that doesnt necessarily mean they will stick around to help.

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Hi NYyankee fan:

 

Benzo withdrawal has to be one of the most difficult things to get support for.  Withdrawals last quite a long time before improving, and most people simply don't understand what's at issue, and why suffers "don't get better."  Some people have found it helpful to have loved ones read up on benzodiazepine withdrawal through articles.  There's something about seeing the info in writing from a trusted source that can help others decenter from biases.  I think a lot of people kind of tone down discussion about their withdrawals after a while.  I know this is the case for me with my own family.  In a lot of ways, this experience can be very lonely.  It's great to have the help of others if you can get it.  But ultimately, you have to be good at taking care of yourself.  I hope your girlfriend stays with you.  I don't think two months is very long for her to lose patience.  Yes it is taxing to her I'm sure.  But someday she may need the same support in return for something she is going though.  I hope things go better for you.

 

Draftsman

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Hi NYyankee fan,

 

There are many members on this forum that are going it alone during the most difficult time of their lives. If it were cancer or any other catastrophic experience I'm sure there would be an outpouring of love and support from friends and family. But benzos are different. People just don't get it. For many this forum is all they have. I've read over and over again that this forum has been a life saver to many folks. I know it's not quite the same as having someone in your real world to walk along side you but I think it's the next best thing. Keep talking we want to help you through this. You're not alone NY, and you're not a nut case.

 

Leslie

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Hi NY - This is the hardest thing you will probably ever do.....but the people here on BB will help you through it.  I understand about your friends not understanding.....I feel I have lost my friends over all this.  There is information on the internet - find it, copy it and give it to your Mom, and your girlfriend, but especially your Mom because you said she wants to support you.  When they read the info, they will see how difficult this is, hard to believe, but there it will be in black and white and show them BB and all the people who are on this forum who are suffering just as you are.  Tell your Mom you really need her suppot and understanding.

    And we will all be here for you at all hours of the day and night.  And look for a doctor who CAN help you....having validation is so important while going through this.  You are not crazy.  You are hurting and need support.

Hoping2BFree

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Hi NYyankeefan,

 

Yes I understand. My mother and brothers have very little, if any, interest of what I am going through. I know it does get better. It is a long gradual process.

I myself have told my mother, who is 82 and says she can't understand, that to liken this to a disease like cancer.

One wouldn't tell a cancer patient "hurry up and get better, I'm losing patience."

 

This forum has proved invaluable to me. This forum provides a wealth of understanding.

Don't let other people's impatience guide your level of patience.

 

We are doing  :thumbsup:this!

 

-Dan

 

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Hi Yankee...No one who has not been through this can understand, no matter how much they insist they do.  When I showed my friends and family excerpts from the Ashton Manual and posts from forums like this I got:  'You are scaring yourself by reading the worst case scenario's.  You will develop symptoms simply by reading what others have gone through and much of it is exaggeration'.  I too have lost many friends during this Hellish journey.  I have a friend right now who has brain cancer and after going through weeks of chemo and radiation she just went to the ocean with friends and managed to take in a soccer game her grand daughter was playing in...so...I was told I should put my problems in perspective.  I could not do either of those things right now...I can hardly leave the house.  It it hard for people to believe or accept.  It is the loneliest journey I have ever been on...not to mention the most painful.

 

My mother could never say someone had died...she would say 'so and so came to the end of the road'.  So...we can either stop at the end, or look around.  If there is a river, swim across.  If there is a fence, climb it.  If there is a field, trudge through it.  Even though on most days I feel like I have come to the end of the road I am not yet ready to stop.  And the sad thing is, I don't know why.

 

Donna

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That's not sad Damaged - that's a wonderful trait of the human spirit....you don't want to give up, even though it is so hard.  We all want to give up sometimes, but then that flicker in us that makes us live, comes on and we fight with all we've got.  That's what we are doing......

fighting...... and you can do it too NY - just hang out here with us and don't get scared by what you read - be very careful what you read on this site - some of it can be scary - I have scared myself many times on here,,,,,but you can also get lifted up and encouraged and reassured here and that is what you need. 

Love Hoping2BFree

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello Donna,

Just a small post this time.    I see you are still not well at all...I thought you said you were going on a major holiday though. Probably me getting muddled as usual. I hope you have a window soon....

I'm not so good AGAIN either.....Today. I try to take each day as it comes.

Sunday was the best Day I had had for a Long time. I seem to have these only about once a month.As the days pass the pattern is one better day then as the days goes on the days gradually get worse. Then I will have another better day maybe in the morning or the afternoon but NOT usually all day....

My Parents came to see me. I started my bad breathing for a little while.(Not a Panic attack) My Mum said cos I whimpered/cried a bit because I hurt so.

My Mum said "Whats The Matter Now". Its all to much I give up trying to explain to anybody they think I am a melingering. Although she tried to cover me up in my bed downstairs like a Mum would even though I'm, 54. Dad just sat there snoring cos he was tired he's nearly 83 they dont blink an eye they are used to it.....

Like you somehow I want to carry on but dont know WHY?????.

Bye For Now, Take Care Teresa

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