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Severely Distrubing Memories


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Hi,

 

I am having a VERY hard time with these intrusive memories and just needed some feedback and support.

 

For 9 months now I have been reliving my past in detail. I am having the worst memories of my life, everything that I lost (my family, home, career, etc) from all this.

 

However, I did not feel this badly when it happened and not even for years after until I started tapering Klonopin. It is 24/7 and I don't know how much more of this I can take.

 

I feel the most intense sense of loss, guilt, shame, regret and grief that I have ever known. It makes me sad beyond belief. These are things that happened nearly a decade ago btw.

 

I guess I just need some hope and support here and am also wanting to hear from people who can relate and have had this particular symptom pass (and when about)?

 

Thanks

 

-Candyl

 

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Hi Candyl!

Yeah, I had this to some degree but never really talked about it much.  I found them disturbing, but they passed.

 

Remember that benzos are basically emotion-suppressing drugs.  It seems to me that there is some rebound of memories (and associated emotions) that were glossed over by the benzo many years before.

I like to think that it's the brain rebounding back to normal function.  It will eventually stabilize no doubt.

 

I'm sure others will chime in as this seems to be a common w/d symptom.

Stay strong! :)

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Candy, those intrusive memories are such a bummer.  I re-lived my whole entire life, the good and the bad, and it was all consuming.  Please know that this will pass.  I did a month taper and it took about 4 months for this symptom to pass.

 

Patty  xo

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I am raising my hand on having this sx.

I hate it.

 

I am reliving old old old abuse, and feeling So guilty over my divorce 17 years ago... just really strange stuff that was way back in time, now right in front of me every day. I get heart sick thinking and feeling about some of these things. I do my best to remind myself it it just wd.. and one day, life will be back on track. when? I have no clue. but ONE day. :)  

 

Hope you can realize its just wd and that these things will fade in time.

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Thank you guys so much. I cannot get enough reassurance on this one. I have had some friends who had to reinstate due to this and to be honest I have been having to think this may be a possibility for me.

 

I am heart sick as well but all day long. I am not able to function and I am crying hours and hours out of the day.

 

The bizarre thing is is that when I came off Valium in 09 I did not have this even though the things I am thinking about happened long before that even. I had to reinstate after 7 months after taking Cipro and falling off the deep end.

 

I am surprised that this is happening still after 8 months but I am thinking it is from being on the pain meds and the Soma. No idea but it is stronger than ever.

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yes this is happening to me intenslty right now, literally millions of memories are flooding my head on a daily basis, all memories that were pretty much gone/forgotten when i was on the meds. Its unreal all the think the benzos suppressed, now their all coming back, its is so consuming and im reliving my entire life, every day there's like a a whole new bunch of memories. I dont feel good at all.
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see if you can just sit with the memories, thank them for coming around then send them on their way. the over whelming ones see if a friend or loved one can hold you while you process it and then allow it to leave. Try to remember these are just thoughts inside of you, they are NOT reality outside happening now.

 

Maybe wd gives us a chance to look carefully at our lives and to understand there has been good and bad.. pain and joy.. and we can take inventory of our lives.. make amends when we are healthy to those we need to, and to forgive others .. including ourselves.

 

I am trying to see this as an opportunity to grow. Growth always hurt. I'd rather be comfortably numb like I was when I first started swallowing that little pill, but life has other plans for me. Time to wake up thaw out and feel all the scary stuff so I can let it go... without wd I'd be taking a lot of garbage to my grave.... so.. I am thankful for wd even though it is so painful.

 

 

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[39...]

Candy,

 

I have memories that I'm not so proud of.

Things that I haven't thought about in years.

Everyone has gave you good info.

These memories are you waking up, and it's not a bad thing.. I know the intrusive thinking is a hard one to deal with..

BUT it will pass.

 

Hang in there.

 

S#

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I, too have been reliving my whole life. Things that I haven't thought about in years. long before any drugs. Mine are usually things that happened to me that make me angry but I will say that they are are not happening as much. I try to remember that they are withdrawal related but it's not always easy to push them out.

 

Frannie

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i have been dreaming like this for about 6 months now.i have been of benzos for 14months.i go to bed and dream very clear and in the morning ask my hubby and sister why am i dreaming about things that happened a long time ago.remembering people from years ago alot of them are no longer with us especially my mum and dad.that makes me sad.i just seem to be going back in time.i keep saying i will right them all down in a book.but u know this is a good thing and it proves that u are on the road to recovery your body trying to heal its self ,so i dont mind so much.i have other things at the moment that are worse than that.so do not give up u must keep going i just take what comes now and sit it out.tell it u are stronger and will not be beaten......bring it on!!....good luck
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