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Thoughts like suicidal ideations


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Dear BB.  Good Morning.  I have had these thoughts before when I first started tapering.  Now it is coming back.. I know it is withdrawal and not me... I do not want to hurt myself. The K sends messages to my brain like someone wants to hurt me, or I should hurt myself... Like you should kill yourself then don't kill yourself...  Do not worry this is not what I want to do.  It is just getting worse... I am really scared  BB... The mental part is horrible and I am just tapering... 

 

I am also losing my mind... Cannot remember much.  I throw forks in the garbage and cannot straighten out my clothes properly in my room ..Little tasks are becoming to big to do.. I hear people talking and about the news or something intellicetual did not spell that right  sorry... and I cannot think the way I used too.  Ny brain what happened.... BB please help.

 

Yes it is the k.. but how to overcome this... No one in my family understands and thinks I am crazy...I want to run and no where to go, want to hide, but cannot hide.. JUST WANT TO LIVE...Mishi.

 

The surgery that the Doctor wants to have next week scares me too, because of the withdrawals and possible complications.  I cannot do both  bb right now... The K is enough for me  Please understand.  Thank you  I thought I was doing good.

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Dear BB.  Good Morning.  I have had these thoughts before when I first started tapering.  Now it is coming back.. I know it is withdrawal and not me... I do not want to hurt myself. The K sends messages to my brain like someone wants to hurt me, or I should hurt myself... Like you should kill yourself then don't kill yourself...  Do not worry this is not what I want to do.  It is just getting worse... I am really scared  BB... The mental part is horrible and I am just tapering...  

 

Suicidal ideation is a scary withdrawal symptom.  I suffered on and off with it a lot during my acute withdrawal phase.  The thoughts were so scary because withdrawal makes us feel like we are losing our minds, and when we feel like we are losing our minds... we are afraid we have no control and will act on our unpleasant thoughts. I agree that the mental part of withdrawal can be the worst, but hang in there.  Like all symptoms, it is fairly transient.

 

I am also losing my mind... Cannot remember much.  I throw forks in the garbage and cannot straighten out my clothes properly in my room ..Little tasks are becoming to big to do.. I hear people talking and about the news or something intellicetual did not spell that right  sorry... and I cannot think the way I used too.  Ny brain what happened.... BB please help.

 

Yes it is the k.. but how to overcome this... No one in my family understands and thinks I am crazy...I want to run and no where to go, want to hide, but cannot hide.. JUST WANT TO LIVE...Mishi.

 

The surgery that the Doctor wants to have next week scares me too, because of the withdrawals and possible complications.  I cannot do both   bb right now... The K is enough for me  Please understand.  Thank you  I thought I was doing good.

 

You are not losing your mind. You feel like you are losing your mind.  People who are losing their mind or going crazy are unaware of it. They believe they are normal and their perceptions of reality change.  Trust me, I fought really hard with the "going crazy" symptom, as did/do many other members.

 

I have accidentally thrown away silverware too.. as well as put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the refridgerator!  You probably have probelms following peoples conversations because you have the inability to focus or lack of concentration... both of which are very common withdrawal symptoms. It still takes me awhile to read stuff, I have to go over the same sentence 4 or 5 times sometimes before I can comprehend it.  Your mind's concentration is constantly split between the world the around you and the symptoms.  Once you are healed and the symptoms are gone, your mind will be able to completely focus on the world (and spoken/written words) around you.

 

You are doing very good mishi! Please continue to move forward with your taper at a comfortable pace.  One day you will be putting your success story on this site, until then you have all these people here to help you along your journey.

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Mishi,

 

Crono is correct. You're not losing your mind.

 

You are not losing your mind. You feel like you are losing your mind.  People who are losing their mind or going crazy are unaware of it. They believe they are normal and their perceptions of reality change.  Trust me, I fought really hard with the "going crazy" symptom, as did/do many other members.

 

That's true.

 

Hang in there Mishi.

 

S#

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Dear BB.  Good Morning.  I have had these thoughts before when I first started tapering.  Now it is coming back.. I know it is withdrawal and not me... I do not want to hurt myself. The K sends messages to my brain like someone wants to hurt me, or I should hurt myself... Like you should kill yourself then don't kill yourself...  Do not worry this is not what I want to do.  It is just getting worse... I am really scared  BB... The mental part is horrible and I am just tapering...  

 

Suicidal ideation is a scary withdrawal symptom.  I suffered on and off with it a lot during my acute withdrawal phase.  The thoughts were so scary because withdrawal makes us feel like we are losing our minds, and when we feel like we are losing our minds... we are afraid we have no control and will act on our unpleasant thoughts. I agree that the mental part of withdrawal can be the worst, but hang in there.  Like all symptoms, it is fairly transient.

 

I am also losing my mind... Cannot remember much.  I throw forks in the garbage and cannot straighten out my clothes properly in my room ..Little tasks are becoming to big to do.. I hear people talking and about the news or something intellicetual did not spell that right  sorry... and I cannot think the way I used too.  Ny brain what happened.... BB please help.

 

Yes it is the k.. but how to overcome this... No one in my family understands and thinks I am crazy...I want to run and no where to go, want to hide, but cannot hide.. JUST WANT TO LIVE...Mishi.

 

The surgery that the Doctor wants to have next week scares me too, because of the withdrawals and possible complications.  I cannot do both   bb right now... The K is enough for me  Please understand.  Thank you  I thought I was doing good.

 

You are not losing your mind. You feel like you are losing your mind.  People who are losing their mind or going crazy are unaware of it. They believe they are normal and their perceptions of reality change.  Trust me, I fought really hard with the "going crazy" symptom, as did/do many other members.

 

I have accidentally thrown away silverware too.. as well as put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the refridgerator!  You probably have probelms following peoples conversations because you have the inability to focus or lack of concentration... both of which are very common withdrawal symptoms. It still takes me awhile to read stuff, I have to go over the same sentence 4 or 5 times sometimes before I can comprehend it.  Your mind's concentration is constantly split between the world the around you and the symptoms.  Once you are healed and the symptoms are gone, your mind will be able to completely focus on the world (and spoken/written words) around you.

 

You are doing very good mishi! Please continue to move forward with your taper at a comfortable pace.  One day you will be putting your success story on this site, until then you have all these people here to help you along your journey.

 

Thank you crono This is to scarey..Thank you for your support... I thought you only get this when you finish the taper...not when you are tapering...  You are so kind... Hope you are well... Cannot wait to be normal... I hope you are well.  You are in my thoughts thank you for the input...is there a way we can concentrate or not have these thoughts  just wanted to know... Thank you again... Mishi

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Mishi,

 

Crono is correct. You're not losing your mind.

 

You are not losing your mind. You feel like you are losing your mind.  People who are losing their mind or going crazy are unaware of it. They believe they are normal and their perceptions of reality change.  Trust me, I fought really hard with the "going crazy" symptom, as did/do many other members.

 

That's true.

 

Hang in there Mishi.

 

S#

 

Thank you sigma how are you doing in your recovery... Thank you for the input.. This is to scary for me... What a ride this is not fun... The taper is so hard... I cannot wait to finish.. I do not even care what happens later... just be done... Be well and be happy  luv mishi

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  • 4 months later...
How do you deal with suicidal ideation? its not like i want to do anything, but the thoughts are just plain scary, i felt numb today wit a bit of adrenaline, n like crono said it feels like your going to act upon ur ideas because ur being blinded but I KNOW IM NOT its just how do i get rid of them or push them to the side any tips???
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Hello Mishi,

 

I have been there. Here is what I have learned. Call the local crisis center and talk to them about how you are feeling. Not that you are going to act on it, that you just need someone to talk to. You can call as often as you need to.

 

The other thing I would do is NOT be alone. Go to a friends house or have someone stay with you. The other thing you can do is go to a public place where you cannot hurt yourself. Like a coffee house. There are people there and you will be safe.

 

The other thing that might help is to let your doctor know you are having this reaction to the taper. He may have some suggestions.

 

My husband has a company that does home care come over to be with me. I was needing to not be alone for some time and that service is helpful. Insurance does not cover it yet, it is still an option if you can afford it.

 

I am sending you my Love,

Summer :smitten::hug:

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Mishi,  :therethere:

 

I too suffered from the suicidal ideations a few times throughout my taper - but not since jumping.  It DOES go away.  I remember feeling so sad b/c I didn't want to do anything, but the thought was there.  The best thing I did for myself was tell my husband or a friend I trusted.  Talk about it.  It's NOT real and you won't do anything, but of course the thoughts are disturbing and unwanted.  For me I found the worst of it would go away after a few days.  I hope the same for you, Mishi. 

 

And I also had the confusion...throwing socks in the garbage...and dirty garbage in the laundry hamper, etc.  I would cry sometimes b/c I felt like I was "losing my mind"...but that feeling has 100% gone away since my last dose.  And I'm not even 3 months off. 

 

Just please know these feelings do pass - and go away forever.  It is hard though - I know.  Keep us posted and just keep talking, whether to a friend, a family member - or us.  We'll always listen. 

 

Hugs,

Schatje

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