My symptoms have flaired up and I am not able to be alone.

[[su...]]

Hello Buddies,

 

I cut then updosed and got hit with sxs I had never had in my life. My husband has been with me with only a couple of hour breaks since Tuesday. I just got off of the phone with the crisis clinic counselor and she was really supportive and had some good suggestions. I am reading "Accentuate the Positive" and doing my list to help myself yet. Any suggestion?

 

Summer

[[sa...]]

Are you religious? I have a suggestion but don't want to force anything on you, but it is helping me a ton today!

 

[[Mi...]]

I am so very sorry to read this.  How can we help?

[[ve...]]

Hi Summer.   I'm sorry things have flared up for you.   Have you up-dosed to where you were before your post a couple weeks ago when you were struggling with that recent cut when we last corresponded? You've hit that proverbial wall, it seems.  It happens to many of us.  I was moving along  with .25 cuts every ten days for about four months into my taper when boom, hit a wall at 2mg and had to just chill and hold for almost a month.  Then I had an active summer coming up so I just went even slower than "normal"  in the summer of 2009. The good news, is that your body will often tell you when you need to catch up and take some time away from cutting.   Some people seem to get hit at around 5mg (valium) if they started with 10mg or higher, then at 1 or 2mg as you get lower, even at 1/2mg. What kind of unexpected side effects have you gotten?

 

It can seem strange that when you've made it to a low dose that things start to act up, but I think there can be a cumulative effect from all the consecutive cuts and the brain starts to miss the benzo in the low doses.  I know you're not taking valium so just divide by 20 for the klon equivalents of the numbers above (I know you know that but others who read this might not).  I agree with Sammy that spirituality is not something that can be forced, but can be quite helpful if one is open to it.  

 

One final point is I believe that one's perspective matters. If one is cutting and expecting things to be peachy, it can be a surprise when symptoms get rough during a taper.  I'm not speaking of you personally, but I've come across a number of folks who seem outright surprised that symptoms might get intense as one tapers lower.  That can be pretty "normal" as one eliminates the final amounts of benzo in one's system.   That being said, I don't know your current s/x and would like to hear more details. For me, the s/x that came on strong were anxiety, insomnia, racing thoughts...  I did not have a lot of physical ones like burning or shaking, although I also had some GI symptoms.  Sometimes an increase in symptoms can be viewed as a sign that the taper is progressing and that you're making your way to benzo freedom.  There may be some things one can do to lessen the symptoms but it may still be a little unpleasant as you work your way down.  

 

Unfortunately, benzo freedom might be proceeded by some unpleasant symptoms and even after the last dose, there might be a couple of rough months to get through. It may not be that way for everyone, just my personal experience.  I'd rather be real than sugar coat anything.   The final goal of a peaceful and joyful life off of benzodiazepenes is within your reach, Summer.  Hang in there.

 

Hope you feel better soon ,

 

Vertigo

 

 

[[le...]]

Summer,

 

You have been a wonderful support to so many of us. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you.

 

Love,

Leslie

[[ca...]]

Hi Summer, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time  What symptoms are you getting hit with? I know in another thread you mentioned getting off BC pills, do you think that could have flared things up?  When I got to my really bad points, just trying to relax and avoiding stress helped me. Taking warm baths with epsom salts, drinking chamomile tea (works for some, makes others worse so be careful if you have not had it before), drinking warm milk, and going for walks around my house/neighborhood and sitting outside helped me. Hang in there hun, we are here for you and things will get better. I hope you feel much better very soon 

[[as...]]

That happened to me when I got to 1.25mg of Valium. We had to get babysitters to come and sit with me during the day. I think that had I waited it out, it would have receded in waves and windows like all of the other symptoms did. However, I went to rehab at that point  because I was freaking out so badly. This decision was not the best-- I lost control of my care-- luckily my doctor at Rehab only put me on 15mg of Remeron, which eliminated the organic fear and anxiety, and he walked me off the rest of the Valium very slowly. The AD did nip the anxiety in the bud, but now I have to ween off of it at some point down the road.

[[da...]]

This happened to me after my last cut.  I actually went to the college where my husband teaches and sat in his office or the car, knowing he had his cell phone with him.  Thankfully classes are over.  It is not the most physically painful symptom I have but at the moment, but the most distressing.  I guess it's because I feel like I am dying.  I read so many posts where people have gone through this alone and I don't know how they did it...kudos is all I have to say.  I hope it passes for both of us soon.

 

Donna

[[su...]]

Are you religious? I have a suggestion but don't want to force anything on you, but it is helping me a ton today!

 

 

Hello Sammy,

 

Well, I am spiritual. I believe in God and that comforts me. It helps me too. Thank you for your suggestion. I have been spending more time mediating and that helps me feel calm and connected.

 

Summer

[[su...]]

I am so very sorry to read this.  How can we help?

 

Hello Missy,

 

I Thank you for your care and concern. I am in need of support. I think I may be on the site more for support and to not feel so alone. The support my husband is giving me is wearing on him now. I think I may check out chat again. I use to love chat and getting to know other members who like to chat. That along with Buddie Blogs may help me get the support I am looking for.

 

Summer

[[su...]]

Hi Summer.   I'm sorry things have flared up for you.   Have you up-dosed to where you were before your post a couple weeks ago when you were struggling with that recent cut when we last corresponded? You've hit that proverbial wall, it seems.  It happens to many of us.  I was moving along  with .25 cuts every ten days for about four months into my taper when boom, hit a wall at 2mg and had to just chill and hold for almost a month.  Then I had an active summer coming up so I just went even slower than "normal"  in the summer of 2009. The good news, is that your body will often tell you when you need to catch up and take some time away from cutting.   Some people seem to get hit at around 5mg (valium) if they started with 10mg or higher, then at 1 or 2mg as you get lower, even at 1/2mg. What kind of unexpected side effects have you gotten?

 

It can seem strange that when you've made it to a low dose that things start to act up, but I think there can be a cumulative effect from all the consecutive cuts and the brain starts to miss the benzo in the low doses.  I know you're not taking valium so just divide by 20 for the klon equivalents of the numbers above (I know you know that but others who read this might not).  I agree with Sammy that spirituality is not something that can be forced, but can be quite helpful if one is open to it.  

 

One final point is I believe that one's perspective matters. If one is cutting and expecting things to be peachy, it can be a surprise when symptoms get rough during a taper.  I'm not speaking of you personally, but I've come across a number of folks who seem outright surprised that symptoms might get intense as one tapers lower.  That can be pretty "normal" as one eliminates the final amounts of benzo in one's system.   That being said, I don't know your current s/x and would like to hear more details. For me, the s/x that came on strong were anxiety, insomnia, racing thoughts...  I did not have a lot of physical ones like burning or shaking, although I also had some GI symptoms.  Sometimes an increase in symptoms can be viewed as a sign that the taper is progressing and that you're making your way to benzo freedom.  There may be some things one can do to lessen the symptoms but it may still be a little unpleasant as you work your way down.  

 

Unfortunately, benzo freedom might be proceeded by some unpleasant symptoms and even after the last dose, there might be a couple of rough months to get through. It may not be that way for everyone, just my personal experience.  I'd rather be real than sugar coat anything.   The final goal of a peaceful and joyful life off of benzodiazepenes is within your reach, Summer.  Hang in there.

 

Hope you feel better soon ,

 

Vertigo

 

 

 

Hello Vertigo,

 

Yes, I updosed 10 days ago. I also added back the Birth Control Pills too. I found out from this experience that the BC Pill have side effects of mood swings, sleep disturbance etc. I have been having acute wd sxs. I am sensitive to sound, light, touch etc. I spend my time in my room with the lights off and have a routine of eating every few hours, taking baths, and resting. I am also getting sx of depression, impending doom, really high anxiety etc. These sxs do not stay around they to subside after a few hours or so yet, getting through that time is challenging. What would you suggest? I am thinking maybe chat. That use to help me a lot to not feel so alone. I am looking for support. Thank you for yours. I really appreciate it.

 

I am going to wait until these sxs calm before I make any other changes.

 

I also relate to your comment on not expecting this to get more challenging as I got to a lower dose. So, this is a surprise and disappointment. I have been at this for a long time now and my reserves feel like they are low at times. I am looking for support here at BenzoBuddies to help me though this to become benzo free.

 

Summer

[[su...]]

Summer,

 

You have been a wonderful support to so many of us. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you.

 

Love,

Leslie

 

Hello Leslie,

 

It is so nice to hear from you. I am so happy to be there for others. I am happy we have one another. I would love it if you would stay in touch with me.

 

Summer

[[su...]]

Hi Summer, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time  What symptoms are you getting hit with? I know in another thread you mentioned getting off BC pills, do you think that could have flared things up?  When I got to my really bad points, just trying to relax and avoiding stress helped me. Taking warm baths with epsom salts, drinking chamomile tea (works for some, makes others worse so be careful if you have not had it before), drinking warm milk, and going for walks around my house/neighborhood and sitting outside helped me. Hang in there hun, we are here for you and things will get better. I hope you feel much better very soon 

 

Hello CW,

 

Thank you for you compassion and understanding. I really appreciate it. I got hit with mood swings, depression, impending doom, and acute wd sxs that include sensitivity to light, sound, touch etc. Thank you for telling me how you managed through your bad points. I am doing my best to avoid stimulation and to do calming things. I have a routine I am using that I used early on in my taper. It is very simple and seems to be helping. I eat, take a bath, rest, then in a few hours I eat again, take a bath, rest etc. When I am able I take time to listen to relaxing music, water color painting, drink tea, breathing, meditating, sit on our porch or a really slow walk. I also am doing positive affirmations, positive self-talk, and visualisation. I visualize myself post recovery.

 

Thank you for your continued support. It is so nice to hear from you.

 

Summer

[[su...]]

That happened to me when I got to 1.25mg of Valium. We had to get babysitters to come and sit with me during the day. I think that had I waited it out, it would have receded in waves and windows like all of the other symptoms did. However, I went to rehab at that point  because I was freaking out so badly. This decision was not the best-- I lost control of my care-- luckily my doctor at Rehab only put me on 15mg of Remeron, which eliminated the organic fear and anxiety, and he walked me off the rest of the Valium very slowly. The AD did nip the anxiety in the bud, but now I have to ween off of it at some point down the road.

 

Hello Ask,

 

So, you had the same thing happen when you got to lower doses too. I had read about this and seen it in other members yet, did not prepare myself with going back to how I felt way back in the early part of my taper. Thank your for sharing your experience with me. I am happy to hear you are benzo free. I was feeling so bad lately my husband was looking into alternatives to tapering at home. We discussed it and are going to keep tapering at home. I have all of my things that comfort. I am mostly in need of additional support. It helps me to not feel so alone to be here.

 

Summer

[[su...]]

This happened to me after my last cut.  I actually went to the college where my husband teaches and sat in his office or the car, knowing he had his cell phone with him.  Thankfully classes are over.  It is not the most physically painful symptom I have but at the moment, but the most distressing.  I guess it's because I feel like I am dying.  I read so many posts where people have gone through this alone and I don't know how they did it...kudos is all I have to say.  I hope it passes for both of us soon.

 

Donna

 

Hello Donna,

 

I am so sorry to hear you are having a time of it too. I really understand. I got hit after my most recent cut. I updosed. I also went off of Birth Control Pills and think that is playing a role. I am now back on BC Pills and hoping the sxs calm soon. Keep in tough, you are not alone we have one another here at BenzoBuddies.

 

Summer

[[wa...]]

Hi Summer,

 

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time lately.  Please hang in there.  I hope things ease up and get better for you soon. 

[[ve...]]

Hi Summer.  I am sorry that you have still been suffering a lot these past weeks in particular.  I think many of the things you are "doing" can be helpful (baths, meditation, affirmations, visualization, reframing negative or scary thoughts, getting rest....).  

 

I have mixed feelings about chat.  I think that it can be helpful at times, in moderation, to find some support amongst those who can be empathetic to your situation.  Unfortunately, at times, chat can be a downer if it gets out of hand with too much negative feedback or ruminating over symptoms.  There is one school of thought that you are what you think about.  So if you're on chat or forum "too much" if that is the way to put it, I have found, during taper, that it can lead to more sensitivity to every little symptom and can be counter productive.  I'm not saying to stay away from forum or anything like that, just be mindful of when it's time to take a break and rest.  

 

I like many of the things you are doing to help get yourself through this rough time.  Be mindful that there can also be a paradox in healing that I've read about and experienced directly myself.  When you over think (something I have struggled with a lot in my own life) and try to fix oneself "too much", it can also be counterproductive in a way. Healing can,  if not careful, become an obsession to get better or feel better when perhaps a more mindful and "go with the flow" approach (if one can call it that) might be  helpful in some circumstances.  Acceptance is a tricky thing.  It's not giving up but more of a being in the moment or "letting go" kind of thing.  It's not necessarily a "doing" but a way of "being".  Yet if you get caught up trying too hard to reach it, then it will elude you.  Perfectionism is a form of anxiety.  This may not be your issue but I became a little obsessed with my health and healing off benzos.  Short periods of meditation and breathing (which I read you are trying to do ) without attachment or reaching for or trying "too hard" for a goal (such as to feel better or to feel less pain) can paradoxically lead to a lessening of symptoms too.  So just be mindful when you are breathing/meditating if you are doing it to achieve something and if so, try to breathe through it and let go of desires.  I like the book "The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety" if you wish to read more about ways to let go and accept (without giving up ).

 

As for the birth control pills, I think we discussed this a little bit on your other thread a few weeks ago.  I've read around forum where other members have had relapses and significant symptoms with regard to making changes with estrogen patches and so forth.  It would seem logical that birth control pills which also impact female hormones and such could lead to complications or more s/x in one's taper or post taper.   I'm not a doctor but I guess one's state of wellness and calm is balanced by hormones, including insulin by the way (so diet is also important).  GABA apparently is impacted by all the other body's functions and hormonal balance.  So it might be helpful to not make significant changes as you were attempting recently with regard to BC pills.  On the other hand, once off benzos, one might want to consult with a doctor about whether it might be possible to taper those BC pills or finding a way to gradually make changes that would hopefully lessen any impact on your recovery after benzo freedom.  I know that Meljo was doing pretty well after her taper and then ran into problems with the patch... and ended up reinstating.  I'm sure that her situation is different from yours and that BC pills would not necessarily have a similar impact.  It might be worth sending her a PM though.  I think she is also in touch with others on forum or possibly elsewhere regarding this subject.

 

Hope things will stabilize for you soon Summer,

 

 

Vertigo

[[su...]]

Hello Buddies,

 

Thank you for writing to me Vertigo and Want2bewfree.

 

Vertigo, I have experienced that the best area of support for me has been and still is Buddie Blogs. Would you be willing to keep in touch with me there? I am looking for compassion, understanding, empathy, and words of encouragement.

 

Summer

[[su...]]

Hello Buddies,

 

I want to thank all of you for your compassion, support and understanding. I am looking for continued support, compassion and understand. Would you be willing to keep in touch with me on my Buddie Blog? It helps me feel connected, loved, cared for by those that have been through this or had been through this. Thanks you very much.

 

Summer

[Guest [Si...]]

Summer,

 

I know what you mean by not being able to be alone.

Sometimes I fear being alone, and it's not like a regular fear when it happens.

It's like a feeling of doom, boredom, depression, and anxiety rolled into one. In other words it's a great fear itself.

Hard to explain it. I use to like being alone, as I'm a loner anyway. I'm a people person, but at the same time, you know what I'm saying.

I get paranoid sometimes of being alone, a fear something could happen and no one will be around.

Summer, it's the benzo doing that to us. I'm trying to help here 'cause I know what you're talking about. I have it as well in bouts.

Is it a constant fear for you?