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I'm so scared


[Lu...]

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I'm the new kid on the block although I'm probably older than most of you. My benzo habit started over forty years ago. I was given it for social anxiety. It was my answer to everything but little did I know I would eventually end up in a hell. I was put on Librium and/or Centrax whatever was available. My dosage was 10 mg. three times a day. But I was in the hospital with anxiety and right away they had me up to 60 mg. or as I needed. Naturally the anxiety went away. But when I got home I would take a lower dosage. I never did like to take medication. But several times I tried to quit and my body just went bonkers. My doctor told me I needed then like a diabetic needs insulin. I believed him. Then I tried to quit again 6 years ago and again my body reacted bad. I was put on Klonopin and within 20 minutes my body stopped spasming. So another time passed and last year I read the book, Benzo-Wise and I had hope again. A whole year, from march of 2010 until now I tapered down. I was doing good until February when I took 1/8 of a .50 mg. and tapered that teeny piece down. On April 24 I took my last Klonopin.  But I'm breaking down. My anxiety id through the roof. I lost 12 pounds and I'm down to 95 pounds. Now I can fall and stay asleep so I average between 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours of sleep a night. Now they want me to take risperidol for sleep and lorazepam for my anxiety. I don't know what is benzo related or anxiety related! I'm very very very scared. I lost my battle.
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Hi Lucy, Welcome.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through, please know we understand and will do whatever we can to help you.  I'm not sure I understand, are you currently benzo free then?  I just want to make sure so we can make some suggestions to help you.

 

Please have a look around and ask questions, we'll get you through this.

 

Pam

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Yes I'm off them but doctor/LPN wants me to take Riseridone and Lorezepam for my anxiety now. I have to see her in a hour and I'm very scared!!!!
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I would think that going back on benzos now that you have been free since April 24 (?), would be a bad idea. The anxiety is just awful in withdrawal, but it will pass eventually. I was on lorazepam, and it's not any easier to kick than klonopin. Sleeping 1-3 hours a night when you first finish your taper, is not uncommon at all.

Personally I don't think there is anything the doctor can give you that will help you through this. I think you need your friends and family and the good people on a forum such as this one. This is my favourite forum of the 4 that I have joined.

You can post questions about the horrible symptoms of withdrawal that you are having and will most likely receive more helpful answers here than from your doctor. Especially if all your doctor can suggest is more benzos. -sheesh-

I'm not saying you shouldn't go to your doctor with your concerns, I'm just saying that their knowledge is limited and they only have 10 minutes to give you, so take them with a healthy grain of salt.

-Sure do hope things get better for you soon!

-I like to say "This too shall pass"

-Tanya

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[73...]

Lucy,

 

Yes I'm off them but doctor/LPN wants me to take Riseridone and Lorezepam for my anxiety now.

 

I'm on Risperdal. It does not help withdrawal. I take it for another purpose.

It's up to you whether you take it, but just in my experience.

 

S#

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I agree with Tanya, it would be best to stay off of benzo's, tapering the Klonopin then going back on Ativan for withdrawal symptoms doesn't make much sense.  I hope you can give your body the time it needs to heal from this, and unfortunately, that means having withdrawal symptoms.

 

I believe Risperidone/ Risperdal is for the treatment of schizophrenia, I'm not sure why your Dr would prescribe it for sleep?

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Hi Lucy and welcome  :)

 

I was told the same as you, that I would "need this drug the rest of my life", that was almost 10 months ago and I haven't had a panic attack since. I've read lots of stories of people that have reinstated after getting off the drug, but they had a harder time and often it didn't work for that long the second time around, so you kind of run the risk of this backfiring on you. Can you find therapy or other ways to deal with anxiety rather than going back on the drug?

 

I know for me the lack of sleep was what made my anxiety wayyyyyy worse, so maybe it's just a matter of getting regular sleep to be able to get to a manageable anxiety until you recover. You've worked so hard getting off the drug I hate to see you reinstate.    

 

Whatever you decide, you'll find lots of support and understanding here.

 

 

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Your just experiencing withdrawl symptoms. I took benzos for 18 years and then  took 20 months to withdraw. I'm 9 months off now and still have symptoms. Hang on and don't go back  to benzos. Give your body a break from this medication.................BOX
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Would going on 2 mg of valium help? I'm really having a hard time. I can't even go out of the house. I feel like a caged animal.
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Valium is the same thing as a benzo.

I had some agoraphobia early on too. I would go out early to the grocery store (still need to get food to eat) and go to the more expensive one as it would have shorter lineups. I would wear my headphones and play nature sounds to tune out the noise of the store.

I would do as little as possible in the early days, because if I did too much, I would feel worse the next day. Walking to the mailbox three houses over, was a challenge. But it was good to do it.

It will get better, and you will find that you are a stronger person than you thought you were!

I am so proud of the people on this forum and what they have achieved. It's truly amazing!

-Tanya

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This sure is hard to stay in active chat. I fel that no one is reading what I'm writing. I went and talked with the therapist today as well as an emergency visit last Friday when she told me to take Valium. I didn't take it because of what you guys told me not to do. It sure is hard because I'm a very anxious person. When I went back today for my previous scheduled appointment, we only discussed a couple of insignificant things before the time was up. As I left, I mentioned I was on no medication and she told me I could get through it, told me to make another appointment for six weeks but I can't get in until Aug 3rd. I'm not getting any help from them. I take melatonin at night to sleep but during the day i'm a nervous wreck. On the average, how long must I feel so terrible? Sometimes I fel like I can't go on. I have very little patience and snap at my husband all the time. A litle wine calms me down for about a half hour. What helps any of you? Breathing and meditation doesn't cut it for me. I NEED TO RELAX!!!!! Please somebody be my friend and get back to me.
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Hi Lucy,

 

I'm sorry that you are struggling. The first few months off benzos can be horrible but things do get better. It just takes time. I think that you should try and not go back on them if you can. I too, got very thin the first few months off. The weight will come back as your body heals.

 

I would try to stay away from wine during withdrawal if you can. Alcohol can aggravate your w/d symptoms as they act on the same receptors.

 

I started to feel better after month 3 and have slowly gotten better since. I am now 8 months off and doing very well. Just a few lingering symptoms.

 

Try to hang in there. Taking walks in the first few months helped me tremendously, hot baths too.

 

Hope things start to lift for you soon,

birdie

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Hi Lucy.  Congratulations on becoming benzo free.  That may sound a little funny since you probably still feel lousy.   But the fact is you did a taper off and you have survived :thumbsup:.   I am glad you found this forum and the benzo wise book.  I think you will find that what you are experiencing is very normal for how one feels in the early weeks and can even be a couple months of anxiety and insomnia as your body and brain adjust to being off benzo poison.  I absolutely agree that going on lorazepam now would be counterproductive, unless you are suicidal or in some crisis, try to stick it out a few more weeks and see if things don't improve.  I am not a doctor but some folks have had some relief from an a/d that help sleep such as remeron, but that would be another medication to taper off of in the future.  Another one that I believe Prof. Ashton may mention in the manual may be amytriptoline (elavil).   Both are antidepressants but can help with sleep which may also help your body to feel better as 1 or 2 hours a night long term is likely not enough.  Also, remeron from what I've read, enhances appetite so that might help you gain back some weight, although it may be that you end up gaining more than you ultimately want, you can always taper off it down the road.  I know a few members here who take a low dose of remeron. Perhaps a low dose might be something to discuss with your doctor?  In any case, I think if you are suffering to a level that you feel is unacceptable, if it were me, I'd try an a/d before going on another benzo for relief and yes, if you absolutely felt you wanted to go on another benzo which you could then taper off of, valium would likely be a lot easier than lorazepam due to valium's longer half life.  Not sure 2mg would be enough to stabilize things for you but it would likely take 2-3 weeks to build up in your system so either way, you would have to ride out the next couple weeks.  If you're really in a bad way and don't feel you can hold on another few weeks, talk with your doctor about an a/d that would help you sleep.  By the way, alcohol interacts with the GABA receptors which you are trying to heal!  Stop the wine ASAP.  This could be part of the problem.  Most folks here would recommend avoiding wine and alcohol for at least three to six months post taper.

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo

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Hello Lucy,

 

I agree with what Birdiegirl said.

 

Alcohol, in my case anyway, after drinking, my symptoms really morphed into the extreme. The day after drinking, my rage increased and I was snapping at everyone.

 

The first 3 months were the worst for me also, then everything started ease. The symptoms didn't completely go away, they turned into waves.

In time those waves will be less severe and instad of the happening all the time, they will decrease to once a day, then every few days, until they are gone forever.

 

The things that helped me were to stay interactive and that could be in the form of, researching, video games, yard work, hiking or long walks with the dog. http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n553/MiniRocky/smiley-walking-dog.gif

 

The main thing is, keep pushing forward, but at the sametime, be kind to yourself and take a break when you need them.

 

Have you checked out the anxiety board yet? The Buddies have some really good ideas for coping there.

 

It takes time, but you will heal from this.

 

Mike

 

 

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These buddies have some great advice Lucy.

You can do this!

I started to come out of the worst of it after a month. All I could do was grocery shop, barely cook, and laundry. Then I was exhausted. But after the first month I started walking. I just walked a block or two the first week and then by the end of the second month I was up to 20-30min walks. It helped my sleep and calmed me. In fact it was my favourite time of day.

Stay strong!

-Tanya

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Thank you for being here for me. I'm having a real bad day, very very tense and very very jumpy. If you say refrain from drinking wine, I will. I will do whatever it takes to rid this NIGHTMARE. I would love to be able to walk our dog, but right now just to walk out the back door is a scary thought for me. My legs feel like shaking rubber bands. I try to keep in shape by going to our basement and exercising on machines.  It just seems like exercising gets me more hyper even though it feels good while doing it. Melatonin helps me sleep about 5 hours and the therapist told me to get the extended relief Melatonin. I'm going to try that tonight. I'll let you know tomorrow if it works better. I'm feeling guilty by not posting on other sights and helping others, I want to but I'm not ready to give advice. I am reading them because I do care. What are some diversions I can do in the house to get my mind off of anxiety 24/7? I'm new at forums so it's hard for me to navigate this site. How do I get to the anxiety posts?
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Boy, I remember those days of being jumpy and shaky/unsteady, Lucy.  You are to be congratulated on continuing to try to exercise; it should help guard against depression.  You might try doing a little less if it's revving up symptoms, though.  Sometimes it helps to do milder exercise but more often. 

 

As for distractions, I'm afraid I played a lot of computer games.  Anything that would keep my mind occupied.

 

 

BTW, you can find the Anxiety board here:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=58.0

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The melatonin time release helped me with my sleep last night but I'm getting very discouraged feeling so lousy all my waking hours. I 'm dizzy,jumpy,tense, lightheaded and very agitated. Nobody I know wants to read the book "Benzo-Wise" I need someone to understand my reactions. The LPN I see as a therapist said I have a phobia about benzos. It really discourages me that they just don't get it.I'm feeling guilty about feeling so lousy. if I am the victim, why do I feel more of a problem to everyone around me? I want to feel better. One month off of benzos will be May 24th and it'll be my birthday. Please help me feel better, it'll be a gift money CAN NOT buy.
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Lucy, I healed quickly  , I was one of the lucky ones.  I know how bad it was for me going thru the taper  and wondering if I would ever be normal again.  The hours felt like days and days like weeks.  Time seemed to be my enemy cause it wasn't going fast enough.  Now here I am almost 2 years benzo free.  Now I look back and wonder where the time went.  Ironic how things work.  I just wanted to touch base with you and let you know the day will come when you will get your life back even though it seems so far off now.    Just stay benzo free and stay in touch with your buddies here.  We all understand your frustration and the hell you are going thru.  As for your anxiety, I am not a good one to give advice there since the only time I had it was while on the benzos, and I am 63 years old.  I would spend as much time as you can looking for non medical ways to try and cope with it, because I think if you can learn to handle it , you will help yourself as far as some of the other symptoms go , like feeling good about taking a walk outside.    All the best 

st

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Lucy, you are in the same boat as me and thanks to this great benzo buddie,,,it is giving me hope.....i am also afraid to go out the house, and stay in bed with tele on  and concentrating on my breathing nearly all day....I am still on it and have hell to go through yet, but you have done the hard yards..... if it makes you feel any better      be an inspiration to me as my journey only beginning and there is nothing i want to do except wait for another day to go past.... nothing to look forward to and these horrible morbid down feelings and with drawal....It is even worse when my own family cant know how i feel as they have not gone through it.....I really want you to succeed as it will be my shining light at the end of the tunnel....Listen to these people on here, we are all in the same boat.....
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I'm really freaking out now. I had a bad night and now it is morning and I'm a basket case. I tried to get out yesterday so I went to a furniture store and looked around, just to be among people. I'm so lonely being cooped up in the house but every time I go out, I seem to get worse. It is so hard when I can't talk to the doctors therapists,etc. When I need them. My regular doctor said I am not to call or email the office with any anxiety problem and my talk therapist (a LPN) my next appointment is August 3rd. Please will somebody say anything to get my hope back. All the professionals want me back on benzos.
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[73...]

Hello Lucy,

 

I have been up all night as well. I actually felt pretty good last night.

Strange.. I feel ok until I take the Valium. That tells me that's the problem.

Good for you for getting out yesterday. Sometimes when I get out and about, I feel worse. Sometimes better, it depends.

Don't lose hope. There are days to come to get out again. If it don't work, just keep going in moderation.

That is a long way off for an appointment. Is there any way you can schedule it earlier?

I have had to reschedule appointments and so on.

 

S#

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Hey Lucy,

It is hard to be home alone when going through this. Is there some family that can come visit you for a while? I resisted asking family for help for the first while, but when I did, it was such a relief to have someone around.

 

Hi Genuine,

I found this page of info that helped explain what I was going through to my family;

http://psychmedaware.org/recovery_tips.html

 

I would recommend seeing an acupuncturist. It has done wonders for me. It took a few sessions to find the right points (for me kidney and liver points), but also, she listens to me and is very understanding of what I am going through. It gets me out of the house too.

 

For sleep, well when I couldn't sleep, I would relax and listen to guided meditations on my earbuds. Being able to relax and rest is the next best thing to sleeping. Rather than getting up and watching TV or reading. Usually after a while I would actually doze off.

 

You are doing great Lucy. It may not feel like it, but you are! One day at a time.

-Tanya

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BB, thanks for getting back to me. I'm touched. I wrote to long replies back but when I hit the post button they disappeared. What am I doing wrong? I hope this one works. I'm thinking of genuine and Sigma especially and hope us being together on this helps all of us. I need you not to give up on me and I won't give up on you. I started to get very upset when my messages disappeared so please reply to me and I'll try to get back. Get out of the bedroom at least. Little small steps get you further than you know. I 'm having a bad day and it's only ten a.m. I feel so ALONE when I get this way. ANY RELAXATION methods would be a godsend. THANK YOU KINDLY!   
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