Jump to content

Second attempt


Recommended Posts

I started tapering late Oct 2010. Trying to rid myself of a 1 mg nightly use for 17 or 18 years. I screamed down .5 in for weeks per docs instructions. UGH  do not do this.

I held, got stable and started water titrating. EVERY time I got under .5 the wheels come off the wagon. I wold go back up to .5  this last attempt I got to just under .3 but bed ridden and an emotional mess. Back up to .7  Wrong direction, I know. But had to get stable. I will hold here then start again.

 

Will go super slow this time.

Any words of wisdom to someone on this long, and someone who has "failed" a taper? I REALLY want off this stuff. Scared I cant do it. which is part of the problem I know.

 

Appreciate anyone's words of wisdom.  I thought positive thinking was the key. But even in all of my positive thinking the sx got worse.

 

Thanks much

Sammycat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi,

You were not a failure at all.  It's common for some to get stuck and then try to proceed again.  Unfortunately it seems that when many, including myself got to the lower dosages that it bacame extremely difficult.  I spent the last month of my taper pretty much in bed.  I think this has to do with kind of going into full blown withdrawl mode at the end.  But, when I was down to the least tiniest bit in dosage the symptoms really did subside drastically.  So, it seems like you have to just keep going forward in order for it to get better.  I guess that somehow knowing that it would get better pushed me along to never give up.  Just go at your own pace and if you need to take mini breaks that is ok but keep up the good fight knowing that you will be free and well some day, hopefully soon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So, it seems like you have to just keep going forward in order for it to get better. 

 

I agree 100%  :thumbsup:

 

I struggled horribly when I got to the 0.5mg, and no matter how slowly I tapered nothing seemed to help the withdrawals.  The only thing to do at that point is to grit your teeth, accept that this is the way it's going to be and push onwards.  When I got down to 0.01mg and jumped, all I had to deal with was more of the same - not worse & not better - but as the weeks and months went by I slowly but surely healed.  I am now ten months benzo free and feeling great, especially considering how horrendous my taper was.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[36...]

I tried tapers several times on Valium and got down to about an equivalent dose of where you are and tried to CT, instead of slowly tapering off the last of it. The result was that I ended up reinstating, once after 17 days and a second time after 23 days.

 

This time I jumped off CT at the preposterous level of 30 mg. of Valium, yet it hasn't seemed any more difficult than when I went off at 2.5 mg. and 7.5 mg. I was just really fed up after popping pills for 13-1/2 years. I had one slip at Day 18, when I reinstated for 3-1/2 days, but then realized I'd screwed up and resumed my CT. So far, I've got 35 days behind me right now my brain is having all sorts of "fun" tormenting me, but I think I'm over the hump and the worst is behind me. We'll see.

 

I wish you luck in tapering. I know it's the most sensible thing to do, but for me it just never worked out and jumping off the "deep end" when I had no work or other obligations for 5-6 months seemed to be my most viable option. Whatever you do, keep that positive attitude. But a little anger (directed at the drugs, the docs and your situation) also doesn't hurt. When I've lost my positive attitude, it was the anger I felt at my situation that created the will to keep pushing forward. So, use every tool available -- and move forward one day at a time!

 

Hang in there!

 

Jac in Tucson

 

Me on Day 35:  :o

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks. I guess I'll start tapering again.

I feel better for sure than where I was at .3 but I am far from healed. so.. if I want to heal I guess I gotta keep heading down.

I may take a year to work down if I can. I am hoping I can hold onto to some degree of normalcy as I get down. At least until I get to the lower numbers.

 

One doc has offered pheno in low doses as I taper, but that will just be one more thing to detox from when I am of the clon, correct?

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Will go super slow this time.

Any words of wisdom to someone on this long, and someone who has "failed" a taper? I REALLY want off this stuff. Scared I cant do it. which is part of the problem I know.

 

Appreciate anyone's words of wisdom.   I thought positive thinking was the key. But even in all of my positive thinking the sx got worse.

 

I know exactly how you feel sammycat.

 

I started tapering last spring and got down to like 0.35 mg Klonopin and my sx became very intolerable. I had some very stressful things going on at the time and decided to put the taper on hold. I've played around with my dose a lot to see how it effects my anxiety and I'm now convinced that it's benefits do not outweigh it's side effects. I really needed that affirmation to help motivate me to get off the Klonopin. I raised my dose gradually back up to 0.75 mg and it helped my anxiety but it causes me to get so depressed/apathetic that it's not worth it so I started tapering and now I'm down to ~0.625 ish.

 

Don't tell yourself you "failed" because you didn't. Failure only happens after an individual gives up. The fact that you're back here after an unsuccessful first attempt shows character IMO. Everyone knows this is not an easy process and most people would probably not want to have to go through it twice but we live and we learn. I'm sure you learned some valuable lessons from you last attempt and you'll probably be more prepared this time around as far as knowing what to expect.

 

The only advice I would offer from my experience is try to get your life in a somewhat stable place before you start this process again. Give yourself the best opportunity to succeed by keeping your life calm and avoiding stress/drama. What happened to me during my first taper attempt was my mother-in-law got divorced and moved into our house (for 3 months!) right in the middle of my taper and then I had a health scare occur right after she moved out. Those things would have stressed me out on a full dose of Klonopin but did much more so on my reduced amount. I'm shutting the door to drama in my life for about 6 months-year so I can end what I started last year.

 

Good luck to you. I look forward to following your progress  :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all of the posts.

 

My life ISNT stable now. That is part of the problem I know. One of my children has  a major health issue. I have been in the ER with him numerous times. I had to quit work for my taper so $ is an issue.. sheesh....

 

I will hold here and see if I can work more and then start back down. What is interesting is even at this dose, I am anxious. Not all the time, but there are things that set me off. Things that would not have even made me flinch a year ago. I worry my old anxiety disorder is back. But I hope it is just my brain that is not healed and is now a big scrambled from tapering and then upping the dose. I thought if I went back up I would feel better. I got some strength back but emotioanlly, wow.. just all over the map. Anxious then depressed.

 

What a journey.

I have more and more compassion for those who are going through this.

 

Thanks again for the replies.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First let me say thanks SammyCat! Thanks for leaving me that post yesterday. That was very nice of you.

 

 A big misconception for me was; I thought it should never be too difficult to taper. Boy was I wrong!! Maybe that explains my 18 month taper. I would ride a dosage for over a month during stressful times. That helped me, but the fact of the matter is -[shadow=red,left]THIS IS A VERY DIFFICULT ENDEAVOR HERE.[/shadow] I think when I finally realized for myself that this was definitely not going to be any kind of easy ride, I was then able to handle just a bit more of the unpleasant side effects of withdrawal. Just remember that when you are feeling ill and anxious, this is a normal part of withdrawal. I know with me, when I got down to about .5mg, it became increasingly difficult. Staying positive helped me out tremendously, but sometimes that just isn't enough. I'll bet that is why they made this site -LOL! Let's face it, if this were any kind of easy, non  of us would be hear right now.  Keep pushing forward because if I can be on Klonopin for almost 20 years and do this, then I KNOW, you can too.

 

Five years ago, I tried a taper and was successful for a short month.

It has been a whole 96 hours since my last dose...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi,

 

It does get better.

It is very difficult.

At times during my taper and later too, I thought that I was losing my mind.

One time I almost convinced myself that I was having a stroke.

I am a lot better than I was.

 

Before I cleansed myself of these pills, I kept telling myself that it wasn't the right time.

No time is the right time, anytime is the right time.

 

Free of those benzos!

 

_dan

Hang in there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[36...]

Hang in there. Please, please, please do NOT consider yourself a failure! If you went back up in dose and just said to hell with it and gave up, then you might have a reason to be down on yourself. But the fact that you haven't given up and you're looking for a way to get off benzos means you're a champion for keeping the good fight alive! I tried tapering several times and wasn't as successful as you. I finally decided to just go cold turkey when I lost my job back on April Fool's Day, and it's been a tough journey in hell. But despite a brief 3-1/2 day relapse and one-time use of "rescue meds" on two occasions, I've kept pushing ahead. Things were really tough the first five weeks or so, but the past couple of days it seems I've turned a corner and I am just crossing my fingers and hoping the really bad stuff doesn't come back. If it does, well, I'll just deal with it and know that it will pass.

 

You should give yourself some credit and a big pat on the back for not taking the "easy" way out and just giving up. As long as you continue to fight the good fight there is no way you are a failure! Hang in there. You CAN do this!

 

Best wishes,

 

Jac in Tucson

 

Me on Day 39:  :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for the replies.

 

I started tapering again last night.  I thought long and hard about it. There IS no good time. There is just NOW.

I will find a solution to when it gets (if it gets!) too hard I will either move in with my parents or hire someone to stay with me.

My kids said they could not stand watching me suffer anymore so I won't ask them. I'll find a way to cope.

 

I am going super slow. If I get to the low numbers and hit the wall again, I may go to detox and let them pheno dip me and send me home. I know that will be hell, but if I can stay with someone and be safe, I will be off and healing.

 

I thought when I tapered I could do this with relative ease. :)  Klon had other ideas. But I am a fighter. I am NOT giving up.

 

This may be to spiritual or religious for some people, but my thought is this: I don't take care of myself as well as I take care of others. I am a proverbial nurturer. I thought about God living within me, and for the  past few days I think EVERY DAY about how to nurture GOD in me. Its been an amazing shift in how I am approaching my day. I can't seem to work up the energy to take care of me, but I am mustering the energy and creative resources to nurture God. if that makes sense.

Thanks again for the support. The taper began again last night.  Here we go again. :)

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi Sammy cat,

 

Yes, I too took care of others first. I live with my 82 year old mother. I care for her and her needs. She has come first for several years. I have to admit that I allowed it. My benzos heavily clouded my thoughts. I have to come first now. I find it odd how difficult it is. Friends' and my brother's advice seem so selfish to me. But, if I get the same advice from several places, maybe it is my thinking that is misconstrued. I say this for me, as much as for you.

 

I did go to rehab at the beginning of my taper. I think the best thing about it for me was that it was like a vacation from the stress in my life. My stay in rehab, 8 days, was about me.

 

-Dan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi Sammy cat,

 

Yes, I too took care of others first. I live with my 82 year old mother. I care for her and her needs. She has come first for several years. I have to admit that I allowed it. My benzos heavily clouded my thoughts. I have to come first now. I find it odd how difficult it is. Friends' and my brother's advice seem so selfish to me. But, if I get the same advice from several places, maybe it is my thinking that is misconstrued. I say this for me, as much as for you.

 

I did go to rehab at the beginning of my taper. I think the best thing about it for me was that it was like a vacation from the stress in my life. My stay in rehab, 8 days, was about me.

 

-Dan

 

Good to hear that you are looking at ways to make your life work! This journey of withdrawal can certainly shed light on ourselves.

Did you get off by rehab or reinstate after rehab? Congrats on being benzo free!!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Sammycat,

 

Well, rehab started and continued my taper.

 

These pills put us through so much s*%t!

 

Am so grateful for this forum.

 

Amazing.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Sammycat,

 

Well, rehab started and continued my taper.

 

These pills put us through so much s*%t!

 

Am so grateful for this forum.

 

Amazing.

 

 

 

How are you doing benzo free? I hope you are healing nicely.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for the replies.

 

I started tapering again last night.  I thought long and hard about it. There IS no good time. There is just NOW.

I will find a solution to when it gets (if it gets!) too hard I will either move in with my parents or hire someone to stay with me.

My kids said they could not stand watching me suffer anymore so I won't ask them. I'll find a way to cope.

 

I am going super slow. If I get to the low numbers and hit the wall again, I may go to detox and let them pheno dip me and send me home. I know that will be hell, but if I can stay with someone and be safe, I will be off and healing.

 

I thought when I tapered I could do this with relative ease. :)  Klon had other ideas. But I am a fighter. I am NOT giving up.

 

This may be to spiritual or religious for some people, but my thought is this: I don't take care of myself as well as I take care of others. I am a proverbial nurturer. I thought about God living within me, and for the  past few days I think EVERY DAY about how to nurture GOD in me. Its been an amazing shift in how I am approaching my day. I can't seem to work up the energy to take care of me, but I am mustering the energy and creative resources to nurture God. if that makes sense.

Thanks again for the support. The taper began again last night.   Here we go again. :)

 

 

 

What a marvelous shift in how to think about this, sammycat!  It makes total sense to me.  I have not one doubt that you are going to make it through this and one day will be posting an inspirational Success Story to encourage others.  :thumbsup:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Beeper. I appreciate your words more than you know.

This is such a journey.

 

I am glad to have friends here to walk the long and winding road back home, back to ME with.

Thank you all so very much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Sammycat,

 

I am doing OK. Sometimes are tough, I do suffer from anxiety.

I am very practiced in recovery and talking myself through things and being kind and patient with myself. I remember how horrible things became and why I stopped the clonazepam.

 

I am so happy that I am off that poison!

 

A do have several periods during each day when everything seems calm, smooth. Like a "normal person"

 

Yeah sammycat!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sammy

 

I really like what you have said. I nned to take on more of that attitude. It's hard to go slow when you just want off so badly. I'm right there next to you.

 

P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...