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I am leaving BB.

[8a...]

By Guest [su...]
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[8a...]

Guest [su...]

Posted
Posted

Its time to leave BB. I have so much more coping skills now to deal with this. So its time to move on. I will come back one day and write my success story. Maybe it will be next year. I doubt this year will be the year. 1 september I am 44 mo off. Yes! 44 mo of tears, crazy fear, nonstop inner vibrations/zaps. Looping thoughts, intrusive racing thoughts,  existensial thoughts,suicidal thoughts, OCD OCD OCD omg the OCD, DR DP. Pain pain pain. Neuropathy, feeling of being alone. Feeling of dying.

 

Mental torture and my extreme akathisia. My tinnitus. My over sensitivity to noise, light,touch, the world. Agoraphobia. Poor vision. Hallucinations. Vivid dreams, nausea. Nonstop music in my head. Weakness, fatigue. Social phobia. Phobia of cars, phobia of things at home,paranoia, the horrible feeling in my body.  Not been able to read, watch TV, talk in my phone,  I could not pay bills bc I could not use a computer.  I was not able to listen to music, go out, sit still, sleep, eat, sit down at a table, feel love,feel pleasure, feel happiness, feel joy, laugh, be alone, be a parent, be a wife, be a sister , be a daughter, be me, be a grand mother, be a friend, be a nurse and a co worker, work and I could not dance in the sun or enjoy life drive my car. Go to the supermarket. The most is now history

Some days I forget everything what I really have been thru and its not amnesia or my dissociation. I forget PAWS. I forget that I have been bedbound for almost 3 years. Is that a good sign that I am healing now? Not fully recovered yet. Maybe I never will be. But 80%is enough for me :smitten:

 

Almost all of these extreme symptoms is gone I dont remember all I had over 100 sxs. But most of it has stopped and faded away. I still have the sxs left in my sign. It is up and down. But I can handle this 80% of the time. Tomorrow starts a new chapter. I will go go back to school. Its on advanced level. I will study to get my master degree in nursing and caring at the university. It will take me 3 years.

Here I finish my history on BB . I will come back and write my final words one day. Until then I want everybody to know you are all my heroes. And thank you for all support. I could not had live thru this hell without you all.

 

But my life is coming back. I love life, I love my life. I survived benzo withdrawal I survived the kindling effect and I survived cervix cancer in 2008. I sure will survive PAWS

Sundance ☀️🇸🇪

 

 

 

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[pi...]

[pi...]

Posted
Posted

Wow, this is truly wonderful news. You had suffered so much for so long and to hear that you are well enough to go back to school for an advanced degree is awesome!

 

Hey, 80% isn't bad, that 20% left in terms of healing will happen.

 

I wish you all the best with school and with life.

 

We will look forward to reading your Success Story!

 

All the best to you,

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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[De...]

[De...]

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Thats great news, im tired and fogged to write , but its amazing to know after all this (got scared reading) since im going trought the same and even if slowly getting better , in the middle of it we end up "blind" and unavle to see a way out, it helps to know that your doing so well, engaging with life after all this crazy stuff
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[tr...]

[tr...]

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This is awesome news that you are doing so well!

Nursing programs can be stressful and demanding. if the stress starts to add up find a way to stretch out your classes if needed. Who cares how long it takes to finish.

After all of this you'll make a great nurse I'm sure!

 

hugs!

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[e9...]

Guest [68...]

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Omg the thoughts. Existential, racing, intrusive, weird thoughts. This is my last symptom that keeps dragging on. I get moments and breaks throughout the day but I totally relate to this. Thanks for posting.
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[le...]

[le...]

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So glad you are improved. Did PM you, just wondered when the OCD type symptoms started easing off.. Mine is really severe anxiety sometimes with phobia type symptoms. , did  they just go of their own accord, or did you take any supplements. Trying couple things see if they help st the moment.
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[Ma...]

[Ma...]

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Every new beginning comes with that excitement and these fears and then doors open and we fly into a new world. I wish you strong wings, curiosity and self love - go and discover the world! I have paused on bb at some point as well and it was so helpful for me to discover the outside world far away from benzos and withdrawal and all the stuff around it, and to discover the new me in this world.

It is part of the healing process to be able again, to choose what we discover next and humans are build to discover. May your path be covered with wonderful experiences :smitten:

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