My wife is upset at the toll my condition is takiing on her. I give up!

[Guest [Tu...]]

My wife came home tonight and there was something about her that old me she was upset. We've married 26 years as of May 25, so I know the "vibes" and body language. She didn't want to talk about it but I knew something was wrong and she finally admitted that dealing with me in this day is "taking a toll" on her, and she began to cry. I tried to get her to talk but she wouldn't. I asked her if she didn't think I was doing all I could. She has been supportive up until today, but I can't do this with her lack of support so I may just go back on Valium and be the "same old me" that she is used to.

 

I'm stressing about an appointment with my family practitioner at 8 a.m. tomorrow, so this is really, really the last thing I needed tonight.

 

I think I'm just going to give up. I made it 27 days, which is 4 days more than my last attempt. I don't know what else to do. I can't tell her I'll be well by the end of May, or June, and I just don't know what else to do.

 

It's not a good night at all. This sucks.

[[Sm...]]

I am so sorry to hear this

 

Please hang on... I know that this well pass. It seems bleak right now, although I KNOW you will get over today's hump.

 

I suspect your wife is only thinking she can not keep going on... like yourself. I know she toooooo will see all this in a different light soooooon

 

*Hugs*

[[Cr...]]

You are almost 4 weeks out... but not technically because of that 3 day usage.  So I don't know if the valium will work the same as it used to.  C/T's can be hard to pull off... with the symptoms being severe and the recovery time much more questionable.

 

I would really prefer to tell you not to reinstate, but you are the one living your life and I don't want your marriage to fall apart on the account of listening to a stranger on a forum.  Did your wife know what to expect when you came off valium c/t?  Does she read this site or know of the Ashton Manual?  Sometimes it helps to really educate loved ones.

 

Perhaps your lifestyle right now would work better with a slow taper, you will still find lots of support here.  Again I hope that you can stabilize on valium if you decide to get back on.  If you decide to stay with the c/t you will be supported as well.  Perhaps today is just a rough day and tomorrow your wife will be in a different state of mind?  

 

I hope things work out for you... I struggled with the idea of reinstating less than 2 weeks ago.. but I decided to stay off.  Sometimes reinstatement isn't just about you, but the life you are living.  Keep us updated on your choice.  For the record, I would vote no.. with a strong "but".

[[pa...]]

Hi Tuscon... Read your thread.  I'm a spouse (wife) going through the same; 14.5 months now - from inception of the drug, tapering and getting off it 1/14/11 (my hubby).  I also was on these drugs in 1984 (Valium) for 6 months, had no idea most I was experiencing was from the drug, until I found this site for my hubby to get him off of Lorazepam July 2010 - I truly was floored when I found out why I went through what I went through.  So, I had first hand experience, not as long as my hubby.  As a partner and spouse (we've been married 35 yrs), I've seen what these drugs have done to my husband.  As much as I, as his spouse/best friend, try to stay Strong, the worry and stress on a spouse is almost um bearable.. it does take a toll.  Your wife needs to connect with spouses who are going through this... myself, puffin and many others on this site... to help her through this (if she will)... we also need the strength through all of this.  Your years of marriage are a testament to your releat ionship.  In reading thru your signature... it seems you are up an down with these drugs.  The only way off these, if you depend upon the mentors of this site, and read Dr. (Prof) Ashton's Manuel (benzo.org) is to taper off then slowly, so you can finally get off them and then heal.  You need to make a choice to do this.  As I said to my husband, I will help to get you off these drugs, we'll do it right, but to have eventually your life back and ours... you need to be off them.  Ron is off 14 + weeks, he has dealt a lot with sx wds... though he now understands the drugs are worse...  he now know he will heal in time and have his life back.  His windows were far and few between, but now that have become better and longer.  Please... stop going up and down with these drugs... set a plan.. stabilize yourself.. its for your life... and your wife; no she is worn out, stressed, worried emotionally and it catches up.  I have been there also.  I just understand your side of the fence, I was there... but nothing was going to stop me from getting off this crap, doing it right and healing, with determination, to go forward./.. Take care, Patty

[[pa...]]

 

Hi Tuscson.  The most important, "you" have your plan that you feel is correct for you.  The second, is you and your wife have the guts together to go forward.  I wish you both the very best. Always, Patty

 

 

Last night was by far the worst night I've had in 28 days. I know the 3-1/2 days I reinstated means these are not continuous days, but I don't think 3-1/2 days was enough to break my momentum or put that much valium back in my blood stream. I picked myself up after falling Day 16 and even though I stopped valium in the morning of April 21, I didn't count it as one of my days. I only count complete days, so my count resumed on April 22. Maybe I'm cheating a little bit, but in my mind I've been benzo free 28 days since April 2nd, and only had a short relapse of 3-1/2 days (four days by calendar) after 16 days.

 

I think a big part of this whole process is physical, mental and psychological. Psychologically, it boosts my spirits to say 28 days. And so, even though I've been off and then briefly on, this is MY process and I'll do what I need to do to keep myself focused on the end result. In my mind, those 3-1/2 days were a "time out" and are behind me. So, that said, I took two 10 mg. valium last night, one in the late hours of Monday and another at about 3 a.m. today. To be "pure," I should have struggled and gone a night without sleep, but then I probably wouldn't have gone to see my doctor today. Even then, the sleep wasn't good, but at least it was enough for me to function. So, considering it was the most critical day (well, night) so far, I'm not even counting that small usage as anything but a band-aid to help me make it through my doctor's appointment.

 

We each have our unique journeys. I applaud those those can taper for months and months and months. But then I read posts by those who have tapered for months and months and the anguish they seem to be experiencing is just as bad as that which I am going through now. So do I want to go back and and do a slow taper? NO! I've made the decision to go CT and while that is not the accepted method here, I see a lot of "veterans" who admit they did it CT. If I "slip" and have one night (or 3-1/2 days) where I use, I refuse to beat myself up over it. I learn from the experience, accept that I am human and have my limitations, and keep moving forward. And that is what I'm doing now that I've been to the doctor's office and don't have to return for another year. I truly hope that when I see him again the majority of my symptoms will be gone and will have a semblance of my old life back.

 

My wife and I talked and she'd had a bad day at work and I'd had a bad day stressing about the visit to the doctor, so we both were on edge last night. She's a trooper and urged me to keep on keepin' on, so that's what I am going to do. Oneward and upward, one day at a time.

 

This is me on Day 28:  

Last night was by far the worst night I've had in 28 days. I know the 3-1/2 days I reinstated means these are not continuous days, but I don't think 3-1/2 days was enough to break my momentum or put that much valium back in my blood stream. I picked myself up after falling Day 16 and even though I stopped valium in the morning of April 21, I didn't count it as one of my days. I only count complete days, so my count resumed on April 22. Maybe I'm cheating a little bit, but in my mind I've been benzo free 28 days since April 2nd, and only had a short relapse of 3-1/2 days (four days by calendar) after 16 days.

 

I think a big part of this whole process is physical, mental and psychological. Psychologically, it boosts my spirits to say 28 days. And so, even though I've been off and then briefly on, this is MY process and I'll do what I need to do to keep myself focused on the end result. In my mind, those 3-1/2 days were a "time out" and are behind me. So, that said, I took two 10 mg. valium last night, one in the late hours of Monday and another at about 3 a.m. today. To be "pure," I should have struggled and gone a night without sleep, but then I probably wouldn't have gone to see my doctor today. Even then, the sleep wasn't good, but at least it was enough for me to function. So, considering it was the most critical day (well, night) so far, I'm not even counting that small usage as anything but a band-aid to help me make it through my doctor's appointment.

 

We each have our unique journeys. I applaud those those can taper for months and months and months. But then I read posts by those who have tapered for months and months and the anguish they seem to be experiencing is just as bad as that which I am going through now. So do I want to go back and and do a slow taper? NO! I've made the decision to go CT and while that is not the accepted method here, I see a lot of "veterans" who admit they did it CT. If I "slip" and have one night (or 3-1/2 days) where I use, I refuse to beat myself up over it. I learn from the experience, accept that I am human and have my limitations, and keep moving forward. And that is what I'm doing now that I've been to the doctor's office and don't have to return for another year. I truly hope that when I see him again the majority of my symptoms will be gone and will have a semblance of my old life back.

 

My wife and I talked and she'd had a bad day at work and I'd had a bad day stressing about the visit to the doctor, so we both were on edge last night. She's a trooper and urged me to keep on keepin' on, so that's what I am going to do. Oneward and upward, one day at a time.

 

This is me on Day 28: 

[[Sm...]]

 

My wife and I talked and she'd had a bad day at work and I'd had a bad day stressing about the visit to the doctor, so we both were on edge last night. She's a trooper and urged me to keep on keepin' on, so that's what I am going to do. Oneward and upward, one day at a time.

 

This is me on Day 28:  

 

:)

[[Li...]]

Tdh,  I signed on this morning just to see how you were doing. Your last post makes me feel so happy for you.

You are going to make it!  You have a strong voice and a solid approach and you are an inspiration to me.  I am few days behind you and some days are really so hard but eventually we will be free of this.  I do my hard thing tomorrow...getting on an airplane, dealing with jet lag with no drugs, etc...  I will keep you and other bb's in my thoughts.