Something you may not know about me......

[[Je...]]

I was sitting here today thinking about how lost we all get in our suffering and withdrawal.  I remember when I was going through it...I totally lost sight of the person I was.  So let's all reflect on something we've accomplished or would like to accomplish.  Something maybe everyone here doesn't know about you.  Something positive.  Dig deep...think about the person you once were or the person you would like to become.

 

That being said....I'll start.......

 

Something you may not know about me is........

 

I love to ride four wheelers.  I'm a maniac on a six speed Yamaha Blaster  ...and I love to get MUDDY!!  My whole nightmare began because of an accident on that dang thing and I'm very proud to say...I eventually got back on it.

 

Next.......

[[si...]]

jen - i so very very much love your approach to life and life's problems.

 

ok - who i used to be

 

i used to be the mom that loved having kids in the neighborhood over - the more then merrier

i used to love to fix meals and have them all help in some way

 

i used to love to fill my house up with people on holidays - people who did not have family to spend time with

 

i used to dance for hours pulling people up on the floor that where to shy to dance till the dance floor was full

i used to be fun - full of life

 

i am none of those things now - are you riding your four wheeler again yet?

 

i don't know if i will ever dance again - ever have my home full of children or adults - but i used to.

[[Be...]]

i don't know if i will ever dance again - ever have my home full of children or adults - but i used to.

 

Silver - I feel sure if these are things you really want in your life, they will come to you.

 

Jenilyn - You set the bar pretty high with your wild woman reveal.  Mine is much more prosaic.  I am proud of the fact that after my divorce, I moved by myself to Pennsylvania, New York, Florida and Texas where I knew no one and supported myself.  I am on disability now and haven't worked for 10 years but I used to be quite good at it.

 

Next...

[[si...]]

yea jenilyn is a wild woman - i like wild woman - they are fun.

 

beeper - i moved to florida, colorado and mn after the end of a long term relationship - our lives seem kinda similar - do you ever wake up and wonder wt_ are you doing (where ever it is you wake up) cause i know i sure do.

 

i am proud of myself for striking out on my own as i had spent most of my life living for others - but i really don't think it have this monkey bar thing down right yet.

[[Je...]]

are you riding your four wheeler again yet?

 

 

Yes, I love to go balls to the wall...can I say that??...LOL...through deep mud puddles...LOL  I love birms and whoops...and gettin dirty...LOL

 

Come on people...remember what you were like...remember.....

 

Jen

[[si...]]

yes you can say balls to the walls - sounds like the only way to live - if you do it right 

 

am i being too tame in the things i miss - i mean having a house full of neighborhood kids in to help cook a meal isn't really all that exciting - i will have to think of something different.

 

lets see  i think i may be a boring person - i never intended to be - just am.

 

but i will think real deep about something exciting - might take a while - if i can't think of anything then i will just have to assume the most wildest part of my life is yet to happen 

 

but jen - i agree balls to the wall is the only way to fly - the only way to live and the only way to die - if life is to be lived properly  :yippee: :yippee:

[[Je...]]

Well, the only time I go "balls to the wall" is when I'm on my four wheeler.  Other than that...I'm fairly boring myself...LOL  But I like boring...I've had enough of chaos!!  LOL

 

It doesn't have to be anything like.....I climbed Mt. Everest...here's some examples..... (These are not true of me just examples..LOL)

 

I am/was a teacher for _____ years.

 

I can/used to be able to do back flips/cart wheels/hand stands, etc.

 

I was a cheerleader/football player/basketball player in high school.

 

I rode a Harley from the west coast to the east coast.

 

I have six kids (Thank God that's not me..LOL)

 

etc., etc., etc.

 

Next......

 

 

[[si...]]

 

ok now none of those are true and yet i remain a boring nondescript pretty much invisible person - unless i inadvertently wrap someones undies in a bundle - which i do manage to do when ever i am around some people whose undies are ripe for being bundled.

 

Silver, I don't think you could be either boring, nondescript or invisible if your life depended on it and that's why I love you so much 

 

Jen

[Guest [am...]]

Hmmm... I never stopped doing stuff while I was addicted to the gills, in fact many activities were fueled by benzos, but there was a slowdown during WDs.  I am not "Mr. Active" by any means, but I do like to go out to clubs to hear jazz/rock (I'm very selective though), drinks/lunch in the courtyard of the English pub, sushi, bookstores, continued spiritual practices, Hollywood dive bars, movies and exploring the diverse wonder, beauty and oddities of the city that I've lived in for the past 30 years.  When I've felt like pure crap during WDs, I have just forced myself to keep going, while inside wanting to collapse on the sidewalk... and there are so many good new things occurring now, I can't believe I came through to the other side with an even better outlook.  Don't get me wrong, I still have my surly, negative days/weeks, but I can see beauty again even if it doesn't see me yet!

[[Je...]]

Continuing on in spite of the withdrawals is quite an accomplishment!!  It basically laid me out flat!! 

 

Jen

[[si...]]

amper is a fool - i mean that in a good way - he does the impossible just because he can.

[[ju...]]

this looks like a fun thread.

 

OK,  at the age of 56 I went back to university part time.....still going.  An advanced degree in Jewish studies and international politics.  I might graduate by the time I'm very very old.    Some semesters I only do half a credit but the point is to keep going.  Right now and for several semesters in my future I'm doing modern and ancient Hebrew.

 

I work as a full time realtor......that's my job.

 

oh yeah..........I'm a marathon inline skater.  started at the age of 54.  slowed down a bit the last two summers don't do the speed things, but thoroughly enjoy a long skate.

 

oh yeah.........I have 5 granchildren of my own, and 9 step grandchildren. 

 

juleswife

[[si...]]

jw - you look like you are in your 30's - ic you are very accomplished.  most of what i do is think and run away a lot. i hope to be establish a more rewarding life in the near future although i have to admit it needs defining.

[[Je...]]

oh yeah..........I'm a marathon inline skater.  started at the age of 54.  slowed down a bit the last two summers don't do the speed things, but thoroughly enjoy a long skate.

 

 

 

juleswife

 

This is too cool!!!  I tried in-line skating...but it was a little too rough on my joints.  Kudos on going back to school!!!

 

Love,

 

Jen

[[el...]]

ok, in 1983 When I was 23, I was the Marin County Women's Singles Dart Champion. I played out of Matteucci's Tavern in San Anselmo.

I went on to the West Coast Championship Tournament, and I choked. 

I still have my Marin County trophy.  

[[Je...]]

I love darts!!  Used to play them a lot.....before kiddies!  Now I usually only go up to my neighbor's bar once in a blue moon and the band sets up in front of the dart board...grrrrrrrrrrrrr  I got a triple bullseye a couple of times.  Had to be just the right amount of drunk for that to happen....LOL

 

Jen

[[si...]]

lets see

 

i used to wait until the toboggan slide closed so i could sneak on w/o waiting in line and go down as many times as i wanted w/o waiting - that was pretty exciting.

 

when i come to a patch while driving out in the middle of now where and the stars are brilliant i pull over and raise my hands to the sky in appreciation and smile some times i twirl around in circles.

 

 

[[el...]]

I love darts!!  Used to play them a lot.....before kiddies!  Now I usually only go up to my neighbor's bar once in a blue moon and the band sets up in front of the dart board...grrrrrrrrrrrrr  I got a triple bullseye a couple of times.  Had to be just the right amount of drunk for that to happen....LOL

 

Jen

 

I had to have 2 Tanqueray/tonics before I even started playing!

Ah, the good old days. 

 

[[el...]]

 

 

 

when i come to a patch while driving out in the middle of now where and the stars are brilliant i pull over and raise my hands to the sky in appreciation and smile some times i twirl around in circles.

 

 

 

That's sweet, Silver.

[[Sk...]]

Dig deep...think about the person you once were or the person you would like to become.

 

diggin'...........

 

Well...I do know in 83' I was also 23..

 

I have to go really deep to find something positive

My nightmare pretty much started when I was...yeh--when I was---

 

So I look to who I am today....Ive worked endlessly on compulsive behaviors...studying books...doing workshops.

I feel more serenity today...going thru withdrawls...then I ever have in my life..

Of course I feel the pain of the withdrawls....

 

Im looking forward to having a memory and cognitive reasoning back....I will be working full time at home. Doing medical coding on the computer...

I luv to play guitar..I will be giving lessons...forming a basement band at least..

I like to cook...Im looking forward to have the enthusiasm and mental energy to cook again..

My relationship with my wife is better then ever..getting rid of compulsive behavior is quite rewarding..not basing my life and all my decisions off of emotions...but instead Values....

 

I like "b--- to the wall" also...

http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj154/withdrawlss/vette002.jpg

2006  C6 Vette 185+           

                            http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj154/withdrawlss/happy.jpg

 

that attitude probably is what caused most of my problems....

 

Now days I try really hard to enjoy doing mostly(to me) nothing...playing with the dog...sitting at the table with my wife drinking coffee...talking....enjoying the peace and serenity Im starting to find in life...

 

But when I get bored....well.....fire up my chevy'..

Sk     

 

 

[[el...]]

Well...I do know in 83' I was also 23..

 

 

Cool! What month? Maybe we are twins separated at birth. 

[[el...]]

What a great car. I love your plates!

 

I have a red '72 Datsun 240Z.    My 4th one.

[[Sk...]]

 

 

 

      OCTOBER[glow=red,2,300][/glow]

[[Je...]]

Skeeter!

 

I'M JEALOUS!! 

 

I'm always telling my kids I want a corvette when they become rich and famous!!  LOL 

 

Love,

 

Jen

[[Sk...]]

Hi

 

I couldnt keep myself from posting a picture of the Vette.

 

I thank my wife, for me having a Vette.!!

 

Hopefully when I get off this Klon. I will be able to hold a full time job and make it up to her...

 

Were just simple folk...small house... and a Vette 

I still cant belive when I drive it that its mine.....When I first got it, I was driving around town with tears in my eyes..

 

I told my wife..If someone ever 'crunches' the Vette...she might as well get bond money..cause Im goin' to jail 

 

T/C Skeeter