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Hope after 16 months


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On easter morning I woke up for the first time in 13 months with no depression.  I looked back at my calendar and the depression started around 3 months off the benzos.  On the 21st of this month I was 16 months off benzos.  I would wake up every day and go to sleep every night (if I was lucky) with the deepest darkest depression- everyday I cried uncle and begged god to just take me, for those of you who have it or had it you know and those of you who don’t – thank god.

 

I have stayed clear of any otc substance except Tylenol, no sugar and no meds, herbs and vitamins of any kind.  I have cried every day since this has started and a majority of the days all day, yesterday was the first day I did not cry. I read about windows on the forum and prayed for one everyday and have never had one and I also read about the symptoms just lifting either way whatever this is I have hope now like I haven’t in hundreds of days. 

 

Don’t get me wrong I am not whistling  Dixie- my anxiety is still out of control, insomnia, GI wreaking havoc, heart palps, dp/dr etc.  but I have hope,  so to you out there that have no hope it’s because that part of your healing has not worked its magic yet.  It will you will have hope!  The day before easter was not different than any other.  I went to bed wondering how the heck am I going to be able get through tomorrow and I woke up, after 3 hours of sleep, with it lifted. It will happen for you too. 

 

Tammie

 

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That's great news Tammie1.  I have heard some folks wake up and spontaneously have a window.  I am about 17 months off now and have battled with anxiety mostly (before, during and after benzos).  I had very strong morning adrenalin/cortixol in months 13 and 14.  It seems to be improved the last couple months but I still have mild to moderate anxiety at some point during the day, mostly mornings.  I'm going to get back to exercising more and hope that more windows will come.   Good for you for eating healthy and staying away from sugar.  I went with low sugar and off most caffeine (except green tea and iced Tea) and bread, sweets... (except dark chocolate)  last August and lost a bunch of weight and felt better but probably did not eat enough carbs and got into all that adrenalin at the beginning of the year. I'm eating more brown rice and quinoa, some yams... still trying to find the right balance.  Have you read the book "Potatoes, not Prozac"?   It's all about the glycemic index.  Might help with some of the blues.  I've also had GI issues.  Have been on Prilosec the last couple years.  I tried to taper off it in February but back on it now. Time will heal.

 

Have a great day and God Bless,

 

Vertigo

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That's great news Tammie1.  I have heard some folks wake up and spontaneously have a window. 

 

 

So happy to read this Tammie1.  As Vertigo said, I've heard of this happening as well.  It truly gives us hope, doesn't it?

 

I hope your depression is gone for good. :)

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That is great news, Tammie  :thumbsup:

 

It certainly does take time but healing really does happen.

 

Long may it continue for you.

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CONGRATS!  Depression is a horrible feeling, I hope it has left you for good. 

 

Hope you are relieved from your other symptoms quickly as well!

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thanks kd35, L123, Bevoir, and missy

 

thank vertigo - i am glad you are noticing making progress, i never had any of this crap before wd - GI issues, insomnia, anxiety.  During this process i have never gotten a window - ugh how many hours i dreamt of what they would feel like just a lessening of sxs so to speak- from 24/7 terror to now 24/7 really bad anxiety. 

 

As for reading, i havent been able to read as of yet- i was a working mom before this c/t and my life came to a screaching hault within days.  That is so great you are researching your own well being, nobody knows themself better than themself.  I wouldnt go out and just buy a car without researching and i certainly would not trust the salesman to inform me.  Why shouldnt we do the same for our health with pills and doctors.

 

thanks everyone tammie

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Benzo depression is the worst. I got it so bad that it felt like my face was being sucked off of my head by some kind of gravitational force. This was actually the first WD side effect I had (didn't know it was WD at the time) and it hit me three days after I first ran out of my clonazepam script. Ugly, dark, horrible, feeling. Congrats on kicking it.
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