Jump to content
Please Check, and if Necessary, Update Your BB Account Email Address as a Matter of Urgency ×
A Request for Help from Members BIC (Benzodiazepine Information Coalition) ×
  • Please Donate

    For nearly 20 years, BenzoBuddies has assisted thousands of people through benzodiazepine withdrawal. Help us reach and support more people in need. More about donations here.

    Donate with PayPal button

Tomorrow I'm cold-turkeying from 600 mg Valium (diazepam)


[Be...]

Recommended Posts

Hey guys,

 

I hope that the people that know me will respond. A few days ago I binged on 600 mg of diazepam every day. Yesterday I took 400 mg. Today I ingested 200 mg. This is my last dose. I can't take it anymore. I know it's dangerous, but my psychiatrist said that I should just do it. He even said that if I had a seizure, it might be beneficial to me because of the immediate flux of neurotransmitters to restart the brain. As you know, I've been suffering with severe depression.

 

I don't know who to believe anymore. I know all medical literature would advise against cold-turkeying benzodiazepines (let alone from 600 mg). However, when I was in rehab for 2 weeks they took me off 200 mg to 90 immediately, and then in just 1 week tapered down to 30 mg. I had almost zero symptoms. It's mind-boggling, absurd. At home I've tapered with less, and had symptoms, so why didn't my CNS react at the rehab center? If they had taken me off the last 30 mg, I would never have touched them again, but they screwed me up (apologies for the cursing). Bad luck...  :'(

 

There are many cold-turkey survivors here (though I don't know if there's anyone who cold-turkeyed from 600-400-200 mg). I'd be extremely grateful if someone shared their experience with me and offered me encouragement.

 

Edit: Content

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so sorry. Never heard of anyone taking doses as high as this. Please don't cold turkey. It is horrific in lower doses and I really don't know if it is surviveable in a case of several 100 mg. Your psychiatrist should be shot for a statement like this. What a morron. Please stay safe.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@[ne...]

 

I know it sounds unbelievable, but I survived a 200 mg cold-turkey at that rehab center to 30 mg in a week with almost ZERO withdrawal symptoms. I still can't explain it to myself. Not only did I survive, I was completely mentally health and functional. So, there - you have the proof. A person who has lived to tell the story of not 100 mg, but 200 mg rapid detox.

 

I have diazepam at home in case things get extremely dangerous, so I'll just see how it goes.

 

My psychiatrist never wanted to listen to my suggestions about Prof. Ashton, and how all over the Internet you can see that it's lethally dangerous to cold-turkey benzodiazepines.

 

Thank you so much for reaching out to me! :thumbsup:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your doc is comparing the "supposed" positive effects of ect with a drug discontinuation seizure...not the same thing at all. I could slap this person.

 

Is this discontinuation your choice or the docs?

 

I would seriously reconsider this choice. Keep us posted. :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@[tr...]

 

Thank you for your support!  :smitten:

 

Yes, I've heard of Electroconvulsive Therapy helping patients with a Major Depressive Disorder, as the ECT induces an influx the neurotransmitters that "restart" the brain. But I really don't think a seizure from an overexcited CNS, in which GABA is not working and glutamate is off the charts, will have a beneficial effect. I don't understand this psychiatrist. It's like he's a sadist. I can't count the times I've tried to convince him to taper slowly. The only reason why I keep appointments with him is because he's the only one in the country who would prescribe me these huge doses. It's like he's having fun with me sometimes, other time he's rude. He once said "If a committee wants to examine me, I want you to take 200 mgs in front of them, so that they believe me that such a person actually exists."

 

Guys, I know it's hard for you to believe because it sounds insane. Do you know that I've taken 1000 + mgs of diazepam? That was my record. I just don't get it. I should've been dead a long time ago, but apparently I can't die no matter how much I take. And how much it costs... Oh my god!

 

Trina, he first offered that I cold-turkeyed or that I decrease by 20 % every day (which is again super fast). There are several reasons why I HAVE to cold-turkey:

 

1) The primary reason is that my mum and I are so poor, we can't afford to buy the pills! What do you do then?

2) The second reason is that while I was at that rehab center a month ago, I was instantly dropped from 200 mgs to 90 mgs, and in a few days to 30 mgs. I experienced NO WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS apart from a rapid heart rate one night, but it lasted only an hour. How is that possible??? I'm so confused? You guys decrease by 0.25 mgs sometimes and experience so much pain  :'(, and I'm torn between what I believe, what you try to tell me, what Dr. Ashton recommends, and what my psychiatrist is doing. Why would a seizure be beneficial for me???? Will I even experience the seizure or have no withdrawal the way I had almost none a month ago?

 

I don't want to scare you. Please, believe me, that is NOT my intention. But I have no one else to discuss it with.

 

At least he prescribed some meds to counter life-threatening symptoms (they're in my signature). I'll keep you posted. I still have 200 diazepam pills (10 mg) left in case of an emergency. I still remember the electric shocks I used to get when I was on zopiclone as a teenager... But if I don't make it cold-turkey, soon I will have no pills. Do you understand me? There is no other way.

 

I'm so confused. It's like my brain and liver are from an alien planet.  :idiot::-X

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's a bad idea. Worse than that, judging by previous experience, it's completely impossible. You'll last a number of days and maybe feel good for some of that time, then you'll binge loads to make up for the days you missed.

 

It proves nothing that you were alright for a short period of time rapidly tapering to 30mg. If you could have stayed at 30mg, then it would count for something. In any case, you should know that being dependent on 30mg diazepam is closer medically speaking to being dependent on 200mg than it is being clear of diazepam.

 

Seizures can't be beneficial to health. That is a very marginal view from someone who isn't qualified to comment. I'm inclined to believe it because psychiatrists but it's ridiculous. The good that may come from it if it happens is you'll get thorough medical attention and perhaps a more realistic treatment plan so that it doesn't happen again and you can rebuild your life. And perhaps you'll be scared enough to stick to it.

 

I'm rooting for you that you don't do yourself permanent harm.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You could crossover to a more potent benzo, usually people crossover from more potent benzos to diazepam, but in your case the reverse may be easier for monetary reasons. Or, if you really want to do cold-turkey, you should consider four-day ultrarapid detox using flumazenil. Slow taper is far safer option, but chemical detox is still safer than cold-turkey. Also, diazepam has long half-life so it may take some time for acute withdrawals to really ramp up.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@[di...]

 

Why are 30 mg, medically speaking, the same as 200 mg? I also don't want to do myself permanent harm - that's why I have my pills stashed just in case of a severe flair-up. Thank you for your support!  :thumbsup:

 

@pacenik

 

I was thinking the same thing. Of course, the psychiatrist disagrees with me (as he does on pretty much anything)  - that because diazepam and its active metabolite chlordiazepoxide have such a long half-life, it may take A LONG TIME before the acute withdrawal appears on the horizon. I was doing pretty well on Rivotril (clonazepam) as a potent benzo and could withdraw with ease. But then I had to buy it from a pharmaceutical dealer, and I still won't have the money. You must understand I pretty much am penniless. All I have left is the 200 pills (10 mg diazepam), and no money to buy anything more. Last but not least, my psychiatrist wouldn't agree to switching me to another benzo (in order to do it the legal way). He would abandon me in the clinic with junkies, which has the worst reputation in Bulgaria. Some people don't get alive from there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mutant,

I know why others are telling you to reconsider this decision. Normally, I would too.

But benzos affect people in different ways. Some have NO WD symptoms and a few have a lot of them. No knows why. I do think its entirely possible for a person to have minimal withdrawal problems even off so high a dose.

But the problem goes much deeper than that. I feel you do need to make a decision to NEVER take benzos again. You will have to learn new ways to deal with fear, anxiety and depression.

Are you aware benzos DO cause depression??? They sure do.

Once you make a real committment to getting off them, just do it in whatever ways you think should be okay. I know, I know, that is not the party line on BB. Most people are going to do what they want to, no matter what.

But healing from benzos can be a really difficult thing to do. You will be faced with emotions you havent felt for years. Your brain will react, in whatever way it wants to. You have to be prepared to deal with all of this. And you can do this, with a "little help from your friends." People on BB tend to be intelligent, caring people. Dont be afraid to get advice here. Most advice will be spot on.

If you do cecide to carry on, GET RID OF YOUR STASH!!!!! That is truly an addicts maneuver. As long as you have a stash you will be tempted to dip into it. I know that will hurt and scare you, but your life is at stake here. You just have to learn how to live without benzos!! It is that simple.

Let me know what happens, please. You might want to read some of my Blog, the first coupole pages, perhaps. My story is extreme, just as yours is. "Eastcoast's Trip" under Buddie Blogs.

east

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@diaz-e-BAM

 

Why are 30 mg, medically speaking, the same as 200 mg? I also don't want to do myself permanent harm - that's why I have my pills stashed just in case of a severe flair-up. Thank you for your support!  :thumbsup:

 

I didn't say they're the same. The point I'm making is that 30mg is a substantial dose. It could take some people a couple of years to taper and a couple more to heal. A person hooked on 30mg diazepam has more in common with someone hooked on 200mg diazepam than someone who isn't dependent on benzos. They're both years away from recovering from their dependency. The journey from 200mg to 30mg is expected to be far easier than the journey from 30mg to 0mg, as you found out.

 

If you said that you were just going to keep taking 30mg per day and you don't care that it's a large reduction, I could understand that. I think it'd get MUCH tougher than when you stuck to it for a short time in rehab, but it's actually possible and not as dangerous as some other courses you may take.

 

Black vs. white "all or nothing" type thinking held me back when I was at my worst. It leads to woeful decisions due to the mistaken belief that things can't get worse when they're already bad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

UPDATE: 1st day C/T - Completely asymptomatic. I feel as though I've never taken benzos. I feel like yesterday or the day before when I was on 600 mg. But I mustn't have high hopes or become complacent. You never know what and when it will happen.

 

@eastcoast62

 

Thank you so much for being of the few who people here who support my decision!  :smitten:

 

Yeah, I agree. Everyone here is basing their opinion on their own INDIVIDUAL experience, and the truth is, psychiatry has a LONG way to go before they make any real breakthroughs in their field of science. Each of our brains is so different, we can't judge how another person would do (let's use the current example: cold-turkey from 600 mg diazepam) compared to another. For one of them, it may be completely harmless, for the other it could be lethal. That is WHY each of us should make sure we know what works for us, for our brains :)

 

Eastcoast62, I have already taken the decision to NOT take benzos ever again a long time ago. Let me explain my situation: I was a 17-year-old (now I'm 30) with a full-blown panic disorder and an incompetent psychiatrist at the local clinic prescribed Zopiclone (which we all know works just like benzos targeting the GABA receptors of the brain). Immediately all of my symptoms disappeared, and I had been suffering for so long, was there a way not to get addicted to that stuff? To cut the story short, I abused Zopiclone for 3 years, then got fed up, and told her I'd done my research and I want to do a proper Ashton taper. It was ME giving her the order because apparently she was a complete idiot. But back then my highest dose was 40 mg diazepam.

 

I was clean for 6 years (and would never, and, I mean, never consider relapsing). Friends had even offered me some, and I would always refuse having already gone once through that nightmarish experience. So, why did I relapse? The answer is: alcohol. I was gradually drinking more and more because it gave me energy, and I would get really drunk because I could never find reciprocal love. But then at some point, I started feeling really really bad. When I was drinking beer, I felt as if I was dying. When I didn't drink beer, again I felt like I was dying. An idea popped into my head - "I'll get my psychiatrist to prescribe 10 pills x 10 mg diazepam to withdraw from alcohol, and that would be it). Hardly could I have imagined how that diazepam immediately rekindled my addiction. All my anxiety was gone; I felt fresh and full of energy. But most importantly - instant euphoria as though I had injected heroin.

 

Gradually I started updosing to 30 mg, then to 60, 80. I was building tolerance. Then I switched to Rivotril/Klonopin (clonazepam) and that was WOW, amazing. But the best benzo had yet to appear on the horizon - Ativan (lorazepam), but only the Serbian kind. Serbians make the best benzos. Ativan gave you the cleanest high, smooth, caressing you, filling you with love.

 

Don't get me wrong - while I was getting high, I was also making futile attempts to taper and stop because I knew what would come when I hit maximum tolerance and all hell would break loose. But, alas, I failed. The second rekindling of my benzo addiction was at the age of 27 (now I'm 30 to reiterate), so I know I'm meant to take full responsibility, but I had a lot of fights with my mum, and sheer back luck with friends who hurt my feelings.

 

So, I failed academically at uni (not because I was stupid, my intelligence is still fully intact), but because I would cry and be depressed, I lost my friends, I isolated myself, AND started binging on benzos. That's how I arrived at the astronomical doses of 200-600 mg of diazepam a day.

 

eastcoast62, if I survive this, trust me, I will never touch a benzo again. I won't ever drink alcohol. An addict is always an addict. I hear you very well.

 

I really would not like to discuss my depresion and anxiety at this point, as I feel you won't understand me or you might aggravate it.

 

Anyway, thank you! :thumbsup:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guys,

 

Today is my 3rd day after I cold-turkeyed off 3 consecutive days of 600 mg diazepam, 1 of 400mg and the last dose was 200 mg.

 

I HAVE ZERO WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS  :idiot: It's like I never took benzos in the first place.

 

I know what some of you might be thinking, "He dosed himself with megadoses and the liver is still metabolising until it hits him later on." See, I'm not entirely sure because:

 

1) I should've had at least a twitch or anxiety or something. Even my depression has almost gone completely. We're talking here zero w/d symptoms

2) I've been tested at a hospital, in which they found my liver metabolizes drugs 10 x times faster than the average. And, I know that's true from experience because I never liked Xanax. I would take a pill (or pills), the effects would kick in 15 minutes, and then LAST for another 15 minutes lol

3) I don't understand it  :idiot:

 

I used to have a physical dependence on the drugs a year ago, and would go into withdrawal, but ever since I started binging on 200 mg or more, things would always be the same. I could skip a day (no difference), I could take 1000 mgs (no difference). Do you see where I'm getting at?

 

Well, anyway, as always thank you for the support  :smitten: Let's hope withdrawal won't kick in after all. I think if I have zero symptoms for 2 weeks, it would be safe to say, I'm done with it  :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How long were you taking 600mg? I don't think it's an issue unless you were taking that for more than 2 weeks daily.

 

I cold turkeyed from 200 mg to 40 mg with no symptoms at all.

 

If you were on 30 mg, I suggest you start to taper from there, should take a year or so to come off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@[Ji...]

 

I was sporadically taking 600 mg, sometimes less, sometimes more (my record is 1000 + mgs), but I had been taking 200 mg for months on a regular basis.

 

Thank you for the support and advice  :thumbsup:. However, I don't want to deal with benzos anymore. I've had enough for a lifetime. I'm not going to spend a year tapering from 30 mg. I've quit them for good, and that's it. No more diazepam.

 

The only exception being is if I start having electric shocks throughout my body, rapid heart beat and feel an impending seizure.

 

P.S. In fact, JimmyT your advice is really bad advice because if I were to reinstate on 30 mg, I would spiral out of control and go back to 200 + mg. Why can't you accept I want to quit cold-turkey because it seems to be working for me (for now) and I know myself? It's EXACTLY because they didn't take me off those 30 mg at the rehab centre, that I got confused, and updosed. If they had weaned me off to 0, I never would have touched them again.

 

P.S.S. I don't have the money to procure any more pills.

 

P.S.S.S. I dunno what to say except that your advice is tempting the benzo demon. There was a person here who fully supported my decision and even said "get rid of all the stash". I haven't got rid of it in case of an emergency. Just look at how many people have cold-turkeyed here. There's no need for the 30 mg. If I start having an acute withdrawal, I'll go back to a much higher dosage. That's why I don't want to take any.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

BenzoMutant,

 

Thanks for checking in, many people care and are concerned about you. I'm glad things are going alright so far. Stay in touch OK?

 

PG  :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the way your liver metabolizes is fascinating and actually explains a bit on your experiences with meds. This just goes to show how we are all different in this process bc of things like this.

I've always been a med sensitive person, (like my husband and I in theory could take the same dose of something..I would be knocked out and he could go to work  :idiot:)

 

I'm glad you are not suffering at the moment....but lets use caution and see how you feel over the next few weeks:)

 

Thanks for your well wishes..I actually did have a few better days after a nasty wave so it feels good:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi BenzoMutant,

 

I know what you mean about not wanting to deal with benzo's anymore, I was a slave to them, they controlled my life for too long and I was sick of the life they forced me to live.  I didn't know I needed to taper them when I stopped but deep down I know I wouldn't have been able to if I had.  The method you've chosen is not the accepted way but some of us are incapable of stopping any other way so in order to get the life you once had back, this is likely your best shot at freedom.  I'm not advocating this method of course but very much understand your situation and I support your decision.

 

Please keep checking in, we care.

 

Pamster

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for the emotional support you're giving me!  :smitten: I don't know where I'd be without you.

 

@pianogirl

 

Wow, it's been so much time since we last spoke. I hope you're doing well :)

 

@trina75

 

My liver is probably an alien liver. My psychiatrist refers to it as the "liver machine", because it operates like a machine. Whether it's benzos or opiates (in the past), I could take these immense dosages, and be functional. He said, "Your liver is a machine, that is why everything goes to the brain and you're such an addict."

 

I know what you mean, Trina :) My mum gets knocked out by just 1 beer, while I needed (in the past, of course I'm not touching even a drop of alcohol now) 6 beers to get remotely drunk. And I'd never slur my speech, and my mum did! Only after 1 beer :o

 

Thank you, so much, Trina  :smitten: I hope I won't be suffering too  :(

 

@Pamster

 

Exactly, Pamster. For some of us, it's impossible to stop these drugs any other way, and I'm one of those people. I wasted 3 years of my life tapering, updosing, tapering, then binging. It just doesn't work.

 

IMPORTANT

 

I may have had 1 w/d symptom today, but I'm not sure. I felt a bit tense (really mild) and had a strong craving to binge on benzos. So, I think it's more the addict's mind than any actual withdrawal. I forced myself to sleep for 30 mins, woke up and I felt symptom-free again without the urge to take benzos.

 

So this a very important dilemma here, and I'm going to need your help, please!:

 

Should I get rid of the stash or keep it? What if it gets so bad that I might die from a seizure or go into a coma? On the other hand, that way nothing will prevent me from quitting cold turkey because there simply won't be any pills, and I'll just have to suffer (I don't know how much I'll be suffering - it could be from nothing, to mild, to severe) and scream in agony... Please help. I want to be brave and throw away the stash, but having it in my hands helps me feel safe. That doesn't mean I'm going to take the pills.

 

Thank you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

is there anyone you can trust to hold on to them for you? Someone who knows you well and understand s the process who can differentiate between wanting the pills bc of addiction mindset versus needing them to be safe (aka not seize..).

 

Just trying to think of options for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, trina  :smitten:

 

Well, there's my mum, but she's not someone I could trust. We fight almost every day, and, although she's trying to be supportive somewhat of my cold-turkey right now, she really doesn't understand addiction or benzodiazepines at all.

 

Most importantly, she has a job. What if I need them in case of an emergency, and she's not at home?

 

I thought about it a lot, and I think I'll keep them just in case. I mean, I really am sick and tired of those pills forever. Today, yes, I had a craving, but immediately extinguished it by going to bed and forcing myself to sleep for 30 minutes.

 

Right now I feel okay, expect that I'm depressed. Like a ghost floating in space. Other than that there are no withdrawal symptoms (psychological or physical) and tomorrow will be my 4th day cold-turkey.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really hope it works out for you.

 

What I also hope is that you'll keep a close eye on yourself for any warning signs and check in here, especially if it gets difficult. It's good to be positive but safety first, right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mutant, you don't want to hear this but get rid of those pills. It seems to me that when things go wrong you binge on them again. Yet you say you want to get off and stay off. Put them in the trash. Take them to the pharmacy. There's a lot of willpower involved in quitting and staying off benzos, especially if you have them hanging around. imo, yes, you will take them again. You're not 17 any more, you're 30. Surely you have identified your pattern by now -- in fact, you've articulated it. You understand it quite well.  And this: "what will I do if I need them in case of an emergency?" is just an excuse to hang onto the pills . . . and an excuse to begin the self-destructive pattern again. Well, you can call 911 if you have an "emergency".

 

Just my thoughts. Sorry I'm not warm and fuzzy.

 

Hope you do okay whatever you decide.

 

Katz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...