My Expereiences With The Benzo Beast.

[[Pa...]]

Imagine.. lying in your bed in the middle of a calm and peaceful day. No external stressors in your midst. Now imagine all of the sudden a huge starving male lion peaking it's head in your door staring you down waiting to attack.

Imagine.. every muscle in your body so tensed up every second of the day you feel as if you are going to curl into a ball permanently.

Imagine.. your concentration lasting no more than 10 seconds on one thought and then jumping to a completely different thought again and again.

Imagine..every loud noise making you flinch along with random muscle spasms.

Imagine..feeling like the person you loved the most has just left you.

No appetite, nausea, no sleep, horrible depression, headaches, weakness in your legs, feels like your bones hurt, crawling in your skin, trembling hands,high blood pressure and absolutely no sense of pleasure. Welcome to COLD TURKEY LAND. Now, I don't have a phd but I have been to 4 hospitals in hopes of detoxing off benzos. Each time did not work because they simply just took me off the drug abruptly only to discharge me after a week. The bottom line is the brain and body needs time to heal gradually. I cannot stress enough..Taper off..switch over to valium slowly and fight the battle with valium slowly. Get off the short acting benzos but dont just stop abruptly. Talk to a doctor and explain to him that valium stays in your bloodstream and then follow the Ashton Manual to a T. Take your time getting off them (Play the long game)..I have tried cold turkey off of xanax many times and it is a barbaric scenario I wish upon nobody and it never worked when I tried to just stop abruptly..I always ended up back on the xanax. Now I am slowly tapering off of valium and can actually function quite normally..Hope to hear from you fellow benzo addicts out there. I beleive we are all soldiers fighting the same war..Lets help each other out. Paully

 

 

[[...]]

I am on a valium taper.  About 3 weeks into it.  I am down to 4.5 mg.  I am sleeping a few hours a night and then resting in my bed.  I am functioning reasonably well.  As I get lower and make the cuts do you still continue to sleep at least some.  Do the muscle aches and anxiety stay minimal if you make the smaller cuts.  What is your experience.  Do you use any kind of sleep aids (doxepin, trazdone, benadryl, etc.).  Thanks, SC

[[ru...]]

hey Paully,

 

Welcome to the forum. You're right-- slow and steady wins the race. I'm glad to hear things are working better for you on your taper.

 

SC,

 

A lot of folks say they have problems sleeping towards the end of their taper but I never did. I might have had insomnia for about a week all told during my taper but most nights I was snoring within five minutes of going to sleep. I do however take benadryl at night for my allergies (although I didn't on my taper) so that could have something to do with it.

 

rufus

[[el...]]

Hi Paully, excellent post!

Thanks. 

Linda

[[tr...]]

Hi Paully,

 

Just want to say welcome.  It sounds like you knew what you wanted to do (get off benzos) but had a difficult time getting there.  The important thing is that you found it.  It takes a lot of courage to keep searching after what you went through.  The reward is yours to keep!

 

Ts

[[ja...]]

Well, Paully, the way you write, your creativity certainly isn't hindered...that is a great sign.  Janus

[[si...]]

paully i am so sorry i missed your coming here - so let me give you are warm benzo buddies welcome

 

 

:yippee: :yippee: :D :D :smitten: :smitten:

 

welcome and may i had very nice avatar logo of one of my fav groups of all times.

 

i am glade you posted - i was wondering about valium because it appears that the hardest tapers on this board is valium after a cold turkey - you post is very encouraging i will copy for those having a hard time.

 

good luck and please do not be a stranger on this board.

[[el...]]

 

very nice avatar logo of one of my fav groups of all times.

 

 

Me too me too!

[[ja...]]

who is the group? 

[[si...]]

the stones - the rolling stones - i love them

[[el...]]

who is the group? 

 

Oh Janus, you are so square. :2funny:

[[Co...]]

Maybe Janus meant: 'The Who' is the group! Maybe Janus likes nothing more than to crank up an amp and beat the crap out of it with guitar at the weekend pretending to be Pete Townshend!?

[[el...]]

Maybe Janus meant: 'The Who' is the group!

 

[[Pa...]]

Thats right it's The Rolling Stones..Still around after 45 years. Thanks for everybody replying, it's cool having a forum for recovering benzo addicts. I am by no means close to being off them, I switched from 2mg xanax(on a good day) and now I am on 20mg valium daily. I am cutting it down 2.5mg each week until I get to 10mg. Then just slow little cuts and then I will  let my brain slowly ween off the devil drug from the 10mg point. I hope this is right..all I know is it seems easier than a direct taper with xanax. Xanax only seemed to work for 2 hours and then rebound anxiety. Good Luck Out There BenzoHeads.

[[ja...]]

Well hell, I guess I missed that logo from ages ago..  I am square in today's music world but not in the past.  My brother is a professional musician and has played in numerous groups for ages on end...but as far as that logo, I guess I thought it was a barf signal for the benzo stomach....so much for my train of thought these days.  Janus

[[pe...]]

I have all the things Pually mentioned in his first post now...daily and very, very intense...never stopping...I have had 2 c/t's and a resintatement that didn't work...so I am on valium which did nothing for me and have been in this severe state for almost 10 months and still trying to taper like this?  Why is it this bad...everyone seems to get a little more stable and functional on the valium and I can't....I seriously have all of those symptoms daily and am very debilitated by them...I have them all the time and when i cut I just go down a notch...I don't understand all of this and why I didn't or can't level out...I am afraid this is really hurting me to be in this state for so long but don't know what I can do about it...it is a living hell....trying to taper in this state is beyond words...I also wonder if I even get off what will happen as i am so sick....have you ever heard of this...Thanks, Pebbles

[[ja...]]

Yes, that is a worry for everyone, but really the research I have done indicates that you will return to a functioning happy person, if you were that pre benzo.  The body has remarkable ability to heal itself.  Try eating more meats, fish, and chicken if you can handle it...I heard that amino acids were good for the taper and meats, etc. seem to contain more of those than anything.  I have also seen that people start craving beef toward the end of the taper.  Seems weird, the correlation.  Take care. Janus

[[ru...]]

I absolutely craved beef at the end of my taper. Roast beef as often as I could get it. Nothing tasted as good.

 

If I remember correctly, the craving lasted for about a month after I finished my taper.

 

rufus

[[si...]]

janus is it true that you play guitar amped way up - do you smash it at the end of your performance

 

pebbles i am glad you are going through threads looking for stories you can relate to - i did that to - i felt like no one cold understand my taper better then some one who was on EXACTLY 2 mg ativan/lorapam for the same length of time under the same conditions.

 

so i looked for someone with a low thyroid

fybromyalgia

same dose

formally on many drugs

recently w/in last year off lots of drugs

hated shrinks as much as me

hated doctors as much as me

believed in peace

ate organic

grew up in same sized town

vacationed or lived in same areas of the country i did

liked the same music

well you know the routine - and by reading i found many of the same similarities and i followed peoples blogs that were on the same dose/drug/as me - so whatever you can learn from - seek it out.

 

i started eating buffalo steaks after my taper - it is the protein and the (B) vitamins

[[pe...]]

Thanks...i know but what is scary is he had to go back on when he was in the shape I am in and get to a high enough dose to stabilize and then start again....this is what i mean about a failed taper???  Love, Pebbles

[[el...]]

Thanks...i know but what is scary is he had to go back on when he was in the shape I am in and get to a high enough dose to stabilize and then start again....this is what i mean about a failed taper???  Love, Pebbles

 

Pebbles, the only way a taper can fail is if you just stop tapering. If the taper is continued, it is not failed. It might be indescribably freaking miserable, but everyday you keep tapering is a success. YOu won't feel better by stopping and reinstating. You will probably feel even worse.

So please try and be strong. I know you are probably totally cussing us out when we are saying this, and you think we just don't know how bad you feel. And you are right, we probably don't.   

By being strong, I don't mean you shouldn't come here and unload your burden, because you need to do that. And we'll just keep telling you the same thing, even though I"m sure you are tired of hearing it and you don't believe it. But one of these days in just a few short months, you will see that we were telling you the truth all along.

[[pe...]]

Thanks...did you see his list of symptoms from the detox or c/t?  That is how I am daily...24/7 EVERYDAY....I don't even know how I can do this I am so sick....

[[Pa...]]

Pebbles, I know exactly what you feel like..I swear to God! I've been to the point where I was getting ready to pack my stuff and just throw up my arms and go to the psych ward because I thought it would never stop. The thing that helps me out is you got to realize nobody ever feels perfect. Everybody has issues and this is our demon. I think you need to realize you wont feel like this forever..it does go away little by little. Just dont up on your benzo dose, thats what ruined me before. You are not gonna feel great for a while but hey, you are alive and you can type! We all have anxiety and panic thats how we got hooked. Just step through the fear best you can. Dont quit. I feel you....

[[el...]]

Pebbles, I know exactly what you feel like..I swear to God! I've been to the point where I was getting ready to pack my stuff and just throw up my arms and go to the psych ward because I thought it would never stop. The thing that helps me out is you got to realize nobody ever feels perfect. Everybody has issues and this is our demon. I think you need to realize you wont feel like this forever..it does go away little by little. Just dont up on your benzo dose, thats what ruined me before. You are not gonna feel great for a while but hey, you are alive and you can type! We all have anxiety and panic thats how we got hooked. Just step through the fear best you can. Dont quit. I feel you....

 

Great post Paully, thanks. 

[[pe...]]

I've already had 2 c/t's and a reinstatement that didn't work.  I am in severe withdrawal-tolerance and have been for 9 months...on disability, etc...these symptoms started with the c/t and just didn't stop with the reinstatement...so I am homebound and bedbound alot with muscle wasting and so many physical, emotional and nuerological symptoms that have been going daily for almost 10 months and now I have to taper in this shape with no windows and being in a mini-c/t daily....Love, Pebbles