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Trying to be positive, but I’m just a big old mess today.


[Ke...]

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I know I’m only 12 days off but this is the worst I’ve ever felt since I started my taper one year ago. I’d love to roll up in a ball under my weighted blanket, but have to stay up to be with my 8-month-old black lab, who needs supervision...don’t know what’s worse, sitting here or listening to him whine in his crate...so wouldn’t rest anyway.

I’m pretty sure I did this to myself with the perfect storm I created yesterday.  I was feeling decent and tricked myself into thinking I could do my typical things.

It was 92degrees and took the dog for a 2 mile walk, ate Olive Garden for lunch and ice cream later, did more driving than I’ve done in a while (never realize how much mental effort this takes when you’re brain and system are overtaxed), stressing about a needle biopsy I have to have on July 8th due to abnormalities from Mammogram, attempted to use an essential oil diffuser (BIG no-no), I guess I don’t have to go on with what I did to myself.  I’m sure most can relate??

Lesson learned and I just need to “keep moving forward.” 

 

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Hi KMF,

 

Ugh it sure is rough in the early phases.  And you're right, overdoing it can stress our oversensitive CNS in withdrawal.  Lessons learned the hard way for many of us - we can't push ourselves too hard.  On the other hand as much as we'd like to, we can't curl up in a ball - I remember wanted to just be asleep because the day ahead promised more struggle and awful symptoms.  We have to find a balance between healthy activity and treating ourselves with gentleness.  Walks are good, especially with your pup -  just maybe not 2 miles!  ;)

 

So yeah, it sounds like you overstimulated your system and most can relate!

 

Distraction and self care are the ticket.  Hope you feel better soon.

Brighterday.  :)

 

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keep moving:

 

Congrats on being off the meds! Even though you did a good taper, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll feel good when you finally jump - so unfair right?

It just means you have done your wd more kindly to your system and it will pay off - whereas a c/t is pretty brutal..I was a rapid taper - long story.

 

Anyway, you probably did what we all do - you feel pretty good one day so you do maybe too much.

Wondering if foods might be affecting you? Olive Garden = gluten in pasta, prob some msg in sauces; and even dairy can be tricky in wd. Some people find driving relaxing and others overstimulating.

Oil diffuser...lets not do that. I find only pure essential oil maybe a couple drops on a pillow or in a bath..but there's something about the diffusers than often affect people negatively in wd.

AND...I can totally see how you are apprehensive about the mammogram results.

 

Keep moving forward is right :thumbsup:

 

I remember one night I felt so good in month 2 i got on my elliptical and decided to do 20 min. oh boy the next day. My physical exertion level can tolerate more activity now but I had to slowly work up to where I am, and I still have days where i just need to sit around. Listen to your body and symptoms.

 

 

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Congratulations on being benzo free!!  That’s an achievement.  You’re healing.  Remember that symptoms aren’t just being sick.  They are a sign that your central nervous system and brain are healing. 

 

Some of what you did maybe ramped you up.  Everyone is different.  I use oils with no problem.  I walk at least an hour a day.  I avoid dairy and gluten, but because they upset my stomach. 

 

I had a needle biopsy a few years ago.  It wasn’t fun, but I was ok.  It didn’t actually hurt.  And I’m a big baby for that sort of thing.  The stress build up was worse than the actual experience.  And the fear of the result was stressful.  But, really, you’ll get through that.  July 8 is pretty far away, too long to dwell on it.  I think you were trying to distract.  A good idea.  Maybe just go easier on yourself. 

 

You’ll feel better very soon.  Rest.  Tea.  I love my weighted blanket. 

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Thank you all for the kind and supportive messages. Just knowing there are people out there who understand (plus, that the time to support someone they don’t know) helps so much.  Yes, I need to remind myself that I’m not “sick,” but my body is healing.  It can be easy to get caught up in the rumination of “what will tomorrow bring?,” but that holds no purpose.

Just like Pooh says: “You’re stronger than you think, braver than you know..oh well, I think I messed that up...but I’m sure you’ve heard it!

One thing I know for sure is that people who experience what we have end up being the kindest, most empathetic people I know.  I definitely learned that while being in a psych hospital.

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