Rapid Detox to Relapse - Cold Turkey Recovery Help

[[Li...]]

After a year-long use of Xanax, Clonazolam and Flualprazolam (research chemical benzodiazepines) in high doses (3-8mgs/day), I found myself at the depths of rock-bottom. My family helped me into a detox facility and after 5 days was released home and required to attend IOP. As I was leaving the detox facility, I started feeling all the horrible feelings I was not prepared to face. I didn't want to face them and I had no intention of being completely clean from benzos because of the incredible amount of anxiety I faced before and after my use began.

 

I relapsed instantly that same night with complete remorse. I did not want to take them. My body and brain told me I had to. I felt like it was life or death, the walls wouldn't stop closing in on me until I did. I've kept my doses lower than what I was using pre-detox (1-2mg Xanax/day) and still attend an IOP. I will be taking my first Urine Drug Screening next week, but will be admitting to my counselors of my relapse beforehand (not sure how that is going to work for me). I don't believe my recovery center or detox handles patients with benzo dependency/addiction in a way suitable for a successful recovery. I have yet to meet a single patient in group meetings that is recovering from benzos and have yet to be given a chance to have one-on-one talk therapy or a psychiatric evaluation. Before entering detox, I was seeing a psychiatrist for depression, Generalized anxiety disorder and chronic fatigue. While in detox, I was stripped of all my meds non-benzo related as well.

 

Admitting my relapse to my family and rehab will ultimately land me back in detox. Which is the last thing I want. My family doesn't seem to understand that it's not always as easy as "just detox" and get back to life. But I have to abide by their rules because they are my support line. I don't know what to do at this point. I've come here to get help, to find success stories from either detoxed or tapered users and educate myself going forward.

 

I can't wait to be free of these chains and return to my happy up-beat self, but I can't tell what is the best way to get me back there. I used to be a bright light for my family and friends -  now I'm so dark and deep inside my shell that It doesn't seem possible to crawl out of it the way I'm being forced to.

[[Pa...]]

Hello LiveRighteously, Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

I can see you're in a bad spot right now, there are very few detox facilities which are knowledgeable about the best way to detox from benzo's, slow tapers are the best.  We typically suggest reducing your dose by about 5-10% every week or two to minimize symptoms enough so we can be functional in our lives.

 

I'm not sure what you can do other than attempt to educate your family and providers about the danger of going off of these drugs too quickly.  It's not just a matter of getting the drug out of your system, your brain has adapted to the presence of the drug and it takes time for it to get back to normal, weeks, months and sometimes years.

 

Please familiar yourself with these resources so you can hopefully educate yourself and those who care about you.

 

https://benzoreform.org/

 

https://www.benzoinfo.com/

 

The Ashton Manual

 

What is happening in your brain

 

You can see the methods of taper we support by checking out this board: Planning your taper (Taper Plans)

 

If you'd like to connect with other going through what you are please feel free to start a thread on the Withdrawal Support (during your taper) board.

 

Please let us know how we can help you.

 

Pamster