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I can't take it anymore.


[kr...]

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I've been off the pills for almost four months now. But there is no end in sight. I've only had short glimpses of normalcy. If it weren't for the corona crisis my girlfriend would have come to visit me right about now. Instead, our communication broke down completely and she broke up with me. I'm unable to function. I don't know what to do.
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I am only saying this so you know that it will get better, 4 months in is still a bit "early on". Get a calendar and start journaling your days and your symptoms to look for some, any improvement. Such as: did you sleep better one night vs another? Are you able to watch TV? Look at even the slightest improvement as a sign of healing, because it is.

 

Be the utmost kindest to yourself like you're a frail precious baby bird. Treat yourself the best you ever have in your life. This is "self care" time to the one millionth % . No caffiene, not even chocolate, no decaf , no tea, cut back on sugar, eat whole non processed food. No vitamins, no supplements. NO MSG, NO ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS,  no alcohol. The last 3 usually cause instant pain.

 

I had akathasia. I paced the room. That inner horrible turmoil where NOWHERE is comfortable. I had that. In the first few weeks I was in so much mental tormentation that all I could do was play with a marble in a jar. I survived it.

 

Back then in my acute phase, I had to distract. I baked pies. Too many pies to even eat. They got thrown away. But, the point was to stay busy. I made an entire rack of greeting cards for a nearby coffee shop.

 

WD will play mind tricks on you and tell you that this is permanent and it MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT!! Please remember that!

 

My acute phase started to dwindle at 4 or 5 months. It is a very slow process of recovery and non linear.

 

A year ago, a marble in a jar.... now I drive and walk in nature.

 

Hang on. Be good to yourself.

 

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Kringlefant:

 

You are suffering in WD/recovery AND you've just suffered a loss in relationship. Thats a double hit to your person..I am so sorry.

Be so very kind to yourself and take advice from those well ahead of you in this journey - and find comfort in their words of encouragement. It is the success of them that give hope in the early stages of this journey.

 

you've got support here.

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Be the utmost kindest to yourself like you're a frail precious baby bird. Treat yourself the best you ever have in your life. This is "self care" time to the one millionth % . No caffiene, not even chocolate, no decaf , no tea, cut back on sugar, eat whole non processed food. No vitamins, no supplements. NO MSG, NO ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS,  no alcohol. The last 3 usually cause instant pain.

 

WD will play mind tricks on you and tell you that this is permanent and it MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT!! Please remember that!

 

Hang on. Be good to yourself.

 

^^^^BUMP what they said above

 

distance doesnt always make the heart grow fonder. sometimes it can be too painful to deal. i think all of us are "cornered" right now because we are at the mercy of COVID. when human's are cornered, they lash out, and when there is no one to lash out at, its usually the loved ones that catch the pointy end of the stick.

 

my heart hurts to hear you have to endure a double whammy right now. definitely not ideal and extremely painful. you probably feel extremely alone and confused wondering how you got into the space you are in and how to get out. its ok. youre going to live and youre going to survive. may not seem like it but you have survived all your worst days leading up to today and you will survive these too. focus on yourself and healing. dont run in circles trying to think how to fix it. though it may seem counter intuitive to your emotions right now, give her space. it will allow both of you to calm down and not have emotions run hot. then maybe try initiating a conversation again. not saying with any certainty that she will take your call, or agree to come back, but having a cooler head is never a bad thing.

 

for what its worth, i have lost plenty of good women before and during benzos. most of it was fate (we had different end goals) but that didnt make it any less painful. Some were downright dirty to me. my long term x (off an on for 8 years) slept with multiple people including people i was "friends" with. 2 of the last 4 girls cheated on me and had someone else lined up before we broke up. it is what it is. i learned something about myself each time.

 

your heart will heal and you will move forward with or without her friend. god bless and stay strong

 

 

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I've been off the pills for almost four months now. But there is no end in sight. I've only had short glimpses of normalcy. If it weren't for the corona crisis my girlfriend would have come to visit me right about now. Instead, our communication broke down completely and she broke up with me. I'm unable to function. I don't know what to do.

 

K,

 

Add your history into your profile. You will get a better response after that.

 

G

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I suffered greatly until about 10 months off. I started having more windows and now I’m 2 1/2 years off. I’ve been in another wave. Enjoy the window it will get better!
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Hi, I know how you feel. I have also been going through a double whammy. Had a terrible marriage breakup while going through titration, now post jump having to go through a divorce. I am not sure which one is worse, but I just keep bouncing between the pain of the symptoms and the pain and sorrow of losing a partner as we had been together for 13 years.

 

Just hang in there, thats what I do, surely there will be some light when the storm passes.

 

All the best with healing.

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4 months is still very early! I remember my first 6 months was horrible. I had loss of taste, my jaw kept popping, I would leap out of bed in the middle of the night and my husband would have to catch me, non stop panic attacks, etc. I am almost 2 years off and I can tell you it gets better. My only symptom now are head pressure and these weird sensations in my head like something is crawling. I never stopped my life but actually used it as a distraction while I continue to heal. We will heal! 🙏🏽

 

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