1 year off Xanax... feeling positive... thank you

[[ma...]]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to come back to offer some positive thoughts to everyone as it is a big day for me.  Today I'm 1 year off Xanax, Alcohol and all the other things I used to use weekly/daily (adderall, painkillers to name a few).  I found this site at my lowest of lows and didn't even realize what was going on in my head.  I was at a point of over the top anxiety, going through a divorce, battling a chronic disease which I still am, and living day to day in hell just constantly going from one drink and pill to the next, my only constant was using benzos on top of it all. I lived this way for so long its hard to even go back that far.  Last Summer I finally got to my lowest point and wanted to change, putting down the other pills and finally quitting drinking was manageable as hell bent as I was, but I didn't understand how strong a hold benzos had on me from daily use for so long.  I realized instantly that even missing a day without Xanax had horrible effects that felt like life or death and that is the point where it hit me "what have I been taking didn't realize I'm addicted" and the fear hit me.  I guess up until this point, I literally thought I can just quit Xanax and go back to normal once I quit.  I did tons of research online bc I wanted to get benzo free and I found this site, which was a life saver literally.  My intent with this post isn't to scare anyone its just to be 100% real and tell you guys where I'm at now how much better I'm doing, and to thank people that came before me on here that kept me going.

 

When I first quit Xanax last June it was absolutely hell even after the taper.  I literally thought I was going crazy daily and would basically document all the weird shit that was happening to me.  I thought how is any of this possible, what is happening why didn't my doctor tell me what happens when you quit this stuff, until I read this site and realized the benzos do this to you.  Headaches, nausea, racing thoughts, chills, crazy anxiety, hearing songs in my head, ear ringing, hallucinations when about to fall asleep, insomnia, depersonalization/DR, paranoid thoughts, head zapping, blurry vision, return of thoughts and memories intrusive thoughts, loss/return of my emotions (I didn't care about anything literally on xanax and when I got off stuff came back 10 fold) and speech problems.  I can't possibly make any of this up and had never had any of these problems before Xanax even from other drugs/drinking.

 

I basically took things literally day by day, and followed the advice religiously that "only time can make this better". There were days where I literally felt like I couldn't do anything, mixed in with some decent days here and there.  The first few weeks and months were hell. I made it a point to eat very healthy, no drinking, made sure every single day to exercise even if it was just making myself take a walk.  I tried to stick to a good routine, sleep etc, even when I couldn't sleep well.  I did a ton of reading about health and other things that interested me and a ton of reading on here about other peoples experiences.

 

The good news is that after a few months, I could tell I was slowly making progress and knew I had to hang in there.  About month 10 or so I really started feeling a lot better daily and at a year as of today I'd say I'm probably 85 or 90% feeling pretty normal compared to before I did any of this stuff.  I have hardly any anxiety, being completely honest here, sleep great and most of the other super weird symptoms have completely stopped.  I do still have the tinnitus pretty much daily but not too bad.  My main point would be to say thank you to everyone and if this post can help even 1 person believe they can get better that makes me feel better.  Literally believing all of this at your low point and hearing it helped me, trusting the time to put in to get better slowly. I know only time can make this stuff go away and make your mind go back to being more normal.  For me I try to continue to stay positive everyday, I know I don't want to be the old me, I want to be a better version and learn from my mistakes, sounds cheesy but going through this will make you believe it.

 

Sorry for the long post, but I hope it helps someone.  If I can help in any way please reply.

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Hi Marbury

Thanks for sharing your story, you have survived and have come out strong. Congratulations. This experience is unbelievable and you live to tell it. Being 6 months off, I’m still struggling with Tinnitus, brain shakes and also brain twitches when falling asleep. And food sensitivities are still wicked. I would say I’m now in phase 3 of healing. Your story gives me hope to keep going knowing it will keep getting better. Thank you and I wish you continued healing. I hope all your symptoms resolve including the Tinnitus so you cancome back here and give testimony of 100% healing! You are a warrior.

[[RS...]]

“Only time can make this better”. So true, and good advice for those having symptoms. 

 

Wow, did you go through a lot.  No wonder you felt anxious and couldn’t sleep.

 

So glad to hear you are in a better place now.

 

Thanks for sharing your story.  It helps so many of us. 

[[Br...]]

marbury,

 

Thank you so much for posting your candid, incredibly inspirational and beautifully expressed story!  Please don't apologize for the length of it!  Every word of it was important.  Your strength and determination shine through.

 

You've thrown a lifeline to so many people here and you know how much of a difference it can make.

 

Thanks again,

Brighterday

[Guest [be...]]

Congratulatioins !

[[ja...]]

Marbury,

thank you so much for the success story. it is refreshing to see that someone can get back to feeling 90% per cent at 1 year out. you gave me hope!