Waves and windows

[[ja...]]

In window, I feel 80 per cent. Day long Anxiety is still there but in the background. Morning anxiety is still there. If I go for a long walk early morning , it helps. Feeling hopeful but scared of the waves.

 

In wave, adreline surges at night, all day anxiety, heart palpitations,  head buzzing, constant need to urinate at night.

Living minutes by minutes, can't imagine going on like this for a full year.

 

What are your pattern of wave and window. Did you get slowly better with more good days?

Please help.

[[Gi...]]

Jasmine,

 

I got slowly better over time and so will you. Please stop worrying about it. That will not help. You remember roller-coaster rides where the dips get shallower and shallower until the ride stops? That is how it was for me. Early on I was very scared that it would never end. But it has. Even when some of the dips were quite steep I got to learn that they wouldn’t last.

 

Good luck,

 

G

[[Pa...]]

Jasmine,

 

I got slowly better over time and so will you. Please stop worrying about it. That will not help. You remember roller-coaster rides where the dips get shallower and shallower until the ride stops? That is how it was for me. Early on I was very scared that it would never end. But it has. Even when some of the dips were quite steep I got to learn that they wouldn’t last.

 

Good luck,

 

G

 

Excellent analogy.

[[ja...]]

thanks Give Me Hope, i totally relate to the analogy of the roller coaster. i wish i could see the end of the ride.

i am having a window today, but i am prepared for the wave to come tonight when i go lay down. crazy how mow i fear going to sleep and fear the panic attacks that come with dozing off

[[Gi...]]

thanks Give Me Hope, i totally relate to the analogy of the roller coaster. i wish i could see the end of the ride.

i am having a window today, but i am prepared for the wave to come tonight when i go lay down. crazy how mow i fear going to sleep and fear the panic attacks that come with dozing off

 

Hi Jasmine,

 

You are not alone with that either. I would go to bed fine but know that at about 0500 I would get a cortisol rush that would leave me with pulsing arms and maybe some depression. It was madness: I knew it was coming and I couldn’t do a thing to stop it. I also knew that it was going to stop about an hour after I got up but I always feared that it wouldn’t (but it always did). Then, one day it stopped, but it came back a week or so later. Then it went again etc. and the roller-coaster analogy comes into its own.

 

I practiced breathing exercises - Luke Horton worked for me - and this got me back to sleep each time I woke.

 

It’s been a long ride but from about 8 months out I could see the end slowly approaching and so I could put up with the symptoms. It will get better for you if you continue to live healthily.

 

Best wishes

 

G

[[ja...]]

Thank you so much Givemehope. We need more people like you. You have no idea how your words are so helpful.

This forum is really scary. People talk about permanent damage... it is fear all over.

I had a panic attack the other day only after reading some posts about terrible suffering at many years out.

Or even Colin post on changes in gene expression. (I know he was a severe case, but what if I am too)

I had 2 days of nice window after a difficult day. I couldn't believe it .

I went to bed last night to prepare myself for the worst (urgent need to urinate throughout the night, panic attacks etc) but i slept okay. 7 hours. I woke up few time in panic but was able to turn back to sleep after a few minutes. I still had fast heartbeats at 2am. (I slept from 7 to 2).

 

I have to remind myself of this:

I was doing very well before the setrack. I meant almost 100 percent. I was sleeping 9 hours average at night.

I only took 2 days of rescue dose

It has been more than 6 weeks

 

Some symptoms gone, or highly diminished :

• Day time , day long panic attacks  seem to be gone, hope they won't come back
  Dizziness is gone
  Hot/cold - gone
  DPR - gone
  Acid like feeling on my chest- gone
  No fear in the last day, although they might come back, afraid to jinx myself,  but I have to write it down to be objective
  Head buzzing is gone during windows
  Yesterday, my T was almost inaudible,  but it pick up when I have anxiety
  Burning is gone
  Constant need to urinate has diminished
  Tingling- greatly diminished.
  ViSion issue is better
   
  
• 
  

So if I am objective, I should day that I am getting better overall, right?

 

Symptoms left:

• Heart palpitations
  Anxiety that comes and goes. (Much lower in windows )
  Morning anxiety but no panic
  
• 
  

 

What I can do:

• I can take care of my 2 small kids
  I can work from home, I do creative work
  I can drive
  I can go grocery shopping
  I can laugh and sing along to pop music
  I can clean my house
  I can excited about my life
  I can sleep okay, more than 5 hours at night in average.
  I can walk miles and miles, I can bike miles and miles
   
  
• 
  

positive changes since that setback

• Lost 13lbs
  No more caffeine whatsoever
  No more processed food - i only eat clean
  No more supplements, i was on 5. Now, i only take my melatonin which give me predictable sleep
  i have been praying to God a lot, I bought myself a crucifix and been saying prayers several times a day.
  When in windows, having so much gratitude for my life
  Adoring my husband more for his support
  No more sweating the small stuff in life, cos it is all small stuff
  
• 
  

 

I have to write this down to remind myself that overall i am improving

This is progress right?  I am not jinxing myself, right?

[[Gi...]]

Thank you so much Givemehope. We need more people like you. You have no idea how your words are so helpful.

This forum is really scary. People talk about permanent damage... it is fear all over.

I had a panic attack the other day only after reading some posts about terrible suffering at many years out.

Or even Colin post on changes in gene expression. (I know he was a severe case, but what if I am too)

I had 2 days of nice window after a difficult day. I couldn't believe it .

I went to bed last night to prepare myself for the worst (urgent need to urinate throughout the night, panic attacks etc) but i slept okay. 7 hours. I woke up few time in panic but was able to turn back to sleep after a few minutes. I still had fast heartbeats at 2am. (I slept from 7 to 2).

 

I have to remind myself of this:

I was doing very well before the setrack. I meant almost 100 percent. I was sleeping 9 hours average at night.

I only took 2 days of rescue dose

It has been more than 6 weeks

 

Some symptoms gone, or highly diminished :

• Day time , day long panic attacks  seem to be gone, hope they won't come back
  Dizziness is gone
  Hot/cold - gone
  DPR - gone
  Acid like feeling on my chest- gone
  No fear in the last day, although they might come back, afraid to jinx myself,  but I have to write it down to be objective
  Head buzzing is gone during windows
  Yesterday, my T was almost inaudible,  but it pick up when I have anxiety
  Burning is gone
  Constant need to urinate has diminished
  Tingling- greatly diminished.
  ViSion issue is better
   
  
• 
  

So if I am objective, I should day that I am getting better overall, right?

 

Symptoms left:

• Heart palpitations
  Anxiety that comes and goes. (Much lower in windows )
  Morning anxiety but no panic
  
• 
  

 

What I can do:

• I can take care of my 2 small kids
  I can work from home, I do creative work
  I can drive
  I can go grocery shopping
  I can laugh and sing along to pop music
  I can clean my house
  I can excited about my life
  I can sleep okay, more than 5 hours at night in average.
  I can walk miles and miles, I can bike miles and miles
   
  
• 
  

positive changes since that setback

• Lost 13lbs
  No more caffeine whatsoever
  No more processed food - i only eat clean
  No more supplements, i was on 5. Now, i only take my melatonin which give me predictable sleep
  i have been praying to God a lot, I bought myself a crucifix and been saying prayers several times a day.
  When in windows, having so much gratitude for my life
  Adoring my husband more for his support
  No more sweating the small stuff in life, cos it is all small stuff
  
• 
  

 

I have to write this down to remind myself that overall i am improving

This is progress right?  I am not jinxing myself, right?

 

Hi Jasmine,

 

I have a magic potion for you. Each time you feel down or ill just read what you wrote above.

 

You are doing great from what I’ve just read. Sure, it’s not 100% but I’ve come to just about accept that 100% is a level that is both unachievable and unnecessary.

 

Look at all of the things that have come and gone! And you are living a healthy and drug and supplement free life.  And you are doing so much.

 

Ignore the doomsters and gloomsters; those that enjoy saying their symptoms are worse and have gone on longer than anyone else. This is not the norm.

 

Although this has gone on far longer than I ever expected it to, if I was to take a helicopter view down on it, I was better at 12 months than 6 and better at 18 months than 12. I am on course to be better at 24 than 18 as well. I’m 90%. It’ll be 95% soon.

 

Keep going, you are in the winning lane.

 

Best wishes

 

G

[[ja...]]

Aw GiveMeHope. you are great! a blessing on this board.

 

After posting this, i am having a wave of anxiety coming out of nowhere. i think it started with going over the intro sections and seeing so many people suffering then some of the anxiety stuff came back.

or it could just be a wave, then reading the stuff didn't help.

 

Do you have PTSD from withdrawal. life feeling you will never break free from the grip of Benzo?

people do recover, right?

 

 

[[Gi...]]

Hi Jasmine,

 

No, I don’t think I have PTSD to any level that will impact my life. I don’t regard my benzo issues as anything like ‘trauma’ in the sense that I understand PTSD to be. I could wail and moan about it but I don’t feel that I am unlucky in the lottery of life so I take it as a learning experience and I have grown massively in my ability to live under pressure and to see perspective. I have learned so many new skills such as meditation and breathing that I didn’t have before and these will be with me for the rest of my life. I would never have found these without being ill and using all of the resources on BB, benzofree etc.

 

I’m sorry you’re being hit by some anxiety. But you know that it won’t last so get distracting and soon it will be over. I know that’s not much of a solution but it’s all we have. When I am not right it’s so hard for me to ‘feel’ better. But I know that it will end and it always does. I suggest you pin up your long note somewhere and read it each time you get hit. I strongly believe that if you reduce your anxiety you will reduce your symptoms and you will start a positive chain of events - without ever needing rescue doses, which, as you know, are always going to set you back.

 

Onwards!

 

Best wishes

 

G

[[ja...]]

Hi GivemeHope

 

I think I will take a break from BB for a while to focus on my healing. Being on here gives me so much anxiety.

i will work on breathing techniques, distraction and positive affirmations.

i need to have at least a year of healing before i read anyone else horror story. The fear has to leave first.

 

thank you so much for all your help!

Blessing. xoxoxo