I’m not even feeling fully awake anymore

[Guest [ak...]]

That total insomnia for months now make me not feeling fully awake through the day anymore, I’m so exhausted and tired that I can’t function anymore.

[[ea...]]

Oh gosh, Akul. I can relate to this post. I did not sleep at ALL that first year off. No lie. I would lie in bed too terrified to sleep. Night after night was like this. Utter exhaustion happened. Nor was I thinking rationally at all back then. zi felt just as you do now. Getting through the first year and maybe more can be SO difficult for a few people. Eventually I found something top help me pass the dark hours that I was in bed. I bought a tablet, learned how to use it, and then started listening to "relaxation music" on You Tube. That did not help and in fact, some of that music was upsetting me for reasons I still dont know. I started listening to "sleep hypnosis" videos. I found them pleasant to listen to, and experimented with several different voices. I finally found two voices that DID seem to relax me. So I listened to those voices every night for months. And I was amazed that eventually, those simple hypnotic phrases DID work! I began to fall asleep for the first time in OVER a year.

You might try this too. It sure helped me.

east

[Guest [ak...]]

Oh gosh, Akul. I can relate to this post. I did not sleep at ALL that first year off. No lie. I would lie in bed too terrified to sleep. Night after night was like this. Utter exhaustion happened. Nor was I thinking rationally at all back then. zi felt just as you do now. Getting through the first year and maybe more can be SO difficult for a few people. Eventually I found something top help me pass the dark hours that I was in bed. I bought a tablet, learned how to use it, and then started listening to "relaxation music" on You Tube. That did not help and in fact, some of that music was upsetting me for reasons I still dont know. I started listening to "sleep hypnosis" videos. I found them pleasant to listen to, and experimented with several different voices. I finally found two voices that DID seem to relax me. So I listened to those voices every night for months. And I was amazed that eventually, those simple hypnotic phrases DID work! I began to fall asleep for the first time in OVER a year.

You might try this too. It sure helped me.

east

 

Were u feeling not fully awake through the day? I feel like I’m sleeping all the time, my brain is not functioning anymore, I lost almost all my long term memory, all body sensations, I’m so exhausted that I can’t think rational anymore, how can I pet my brain to sleep if it is already sleeping? I can’t sleep at all and I’m still on Pregabalin, Olanzapine and Promazine. I feel like I dont exists anymore.

[[Av...]]

have you tried upping your dose of sleep medicine?

 

I also pretty much have total insomnia and when I do sleep it is only light REM sleep in bursts of about one hour. No restorative deep wave sleep. My immune system is failing. I'm very sick. My whole body is also numb except for nerve pain. It's torture.  No one seems to be as bad off as I am. I only found one other post on benzo buddies that describes what I'm going through and she stopped posting suddenly. Her story is here:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=82919.msg1083129#msg1083129

 

I also stopped sweating, no tears, no earwax, dry mouth, dry nose (no mucous) skin is very dry, no emotions, starting to become mute, hoarse voice, brain burning. So at least you're not dealing with that. There's not much hope for me. There wasn't one area of my body NOT affected by benzos. The worst part is no one believing you and thinking you're making it up.

 

I wish I could say anything has gotten better but it hasn't. All I can do is tell you I understand what you're going through.

[Guest [ak...]]

have you tried upping your dose of sleep medicine?

 

I also pretty much have total insomnia and when I do sleep it is only light REM sleep in bursts of about one hour. No restorative deep wave sleep. My immune system is failing. I'm very sick. My whole body is also numb except for nerve pain. It's torture.  No one seems to be as bad off as I am. I only found one other post on benzo buddies that describes what I'm going through and she stopped posting suddenly. Her story is here:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=82919.msg1083129#msg1083129

 

I also stopped sweating, no tears, no earwax, dry mouth, dry nose (no mucous) skin is very dry, no emotions, starting to become mute, hoarse voice, brain burning. So at least you're not dealing with that. There's not much hope for me. There wasn't one area of my body NOT affected by benzos. The worst part is no one believing you and thinking you're making it up.

 

I wish I could say anything has gotten better but it hasn't. All I can do is tell you I understand what you're going through.

 

I have all you are describing and more, do you have long term memory loss?

[[Av...]]

yes, severe short and long term memory loss.

 

do you have bad anxiety or akathesia? Like can you sit still ok? I had that bad. Still have bad anxiety.

[Guest [ak...]]

yes, severe short and long term memory loss.

 

do you have bad anxiety or akathesia? Like can you sit still ok? I had that bad. Still have bad anxiety.

 

Yes I have, I think I’ll go mad, severe long and short term memory loss, I feel like someone pushed my brain down and I’m totally brain dead, can’t feel I have a brain, can’t think can’t do anything, I also have severe loss of vision, not blurry but I can’t see like I’m wearing a sunglasses all colours are dark, do you have that too?

[Guest [ak...]]

yes, severe short and long term memory loss.

 

do you have bad anxiety or akathesia? Like can you sit still ok? I had that bad. Still have bad anxiety.

 

I also feel like nobody is as bad as I am.

[[Av...]]

Yes my vision declined a lot. It's dim vision and my eyes are severely dry. Everything appears flat not very sharp.

[[Av...]]

I was never this bad before taking benzos. I look at pictures of me and don't even relate to who that person was I'm so far gone mentally and physically. It's hard to believe I used to ever be ok. Benzos should be illegal or for hospital settings only in my opinion. Then this never would have happened to me or you.

[Guest [ak...]]

I was never this bad before taking benzos. I look at pictures of me and don't even relate to who that person was I'm so far gone mentally and physically. It's hard to believe I used to ever be ok. Benzos should be illegal or for hospital settings only in my opinion. Then this never would have happened to me or you.

 

Speaking of hospitals don't go to one. I went to one trying to get checked for brain inflammation and got baker acted, pumped full of ativan and haldol and benadryl.

 

We are just the same, I was also pumped full of Haldol and also Clozapine. How long were u using Benzos are u kindled? How long have you been off?

[[Av...]]

I took xanax xr about 10 years ago and stopped no problem. Didn't know about kindling OR tapering when I started klonopin Dec.26. My last klonopin pill was Jan. 6 2020. I got baker acted Feb 25th and kindled on ativan, haldol, benadryl and it just made me even worse.  Then tried remeron. Just bad.

 

We've been poisoned so bad. Never knew how dangerous benzos were.

[Guest [ak...]]

my last klonopin pill was Jan. 6 2020. I got baker acted Feb 25th and kindled on ativan, haldol, benadryl and it just made me even worse.  Then tried remeron. Just bad.

 

How long were u taking Klonopin?

[[Av...]]

I only took klonopin for 2 weeks sporadically but I took xanax xr 10 years ago for a bit with no problems. I kindled but didn't know what kindling was. Also was drinking a good bit before taking the klonopin which may have affected how badly it got me. I think even the first does I took was enough to mess me up. It's not fair. 

[Guest [ak...]]

I only took klonopin for 2 weeks sporadically but I took xanax xr 10 years ago for a bit with no problems. I kindled but didn't know what kindling was. Also was drinking a good bit before taking the klonopin which may have affected how badly it got me.

 

I was kindled 7 times before it really affected me. When did u quit taking Xanax?

[[Av...]]

I used xanax xr in 2009 for a couple of months.