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Still doing Poorly


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I'm still doing very poorly despite sleeping better at 26 months off.

 

I'm struggling so bad with anger and it's everybody but it's very bad toward the people I'm close with.

 

On top of that, I have burning nerves all over my body still and constant muscle spasms.

 

I really want to know if people get better from this for real.

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I share in your frustration, BBB. I know that I had a fair amount of anger the first year of WD and now nearly 2 years out it seems that it has lessened overall. There are still times when stressful situations tend to trigger bouts of anger, especially at work. I can relate to the muscle spasms. Lately, that's been my seemingly worst physical wd symptom. I would have to say that the spasms I had in my back have abated greatly over the past 6 months only to be replaced by spasms in my legs, hands and feet. Just don't know when this will all end.
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Thanks for the response. The thing about the muscle spasms is they aren't my worst symptom. I wouldn't even mind them if I felt better mentally and emotionally. But I have them in my cheeks, I have them around my mouth and eyes, and appendages as well.

 

I'm fed up beyond fed up with how little stress I can handle without feeling like I'm going to fly off the handle and I can't make my life much easier. I wasn't like this before benzos.

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Thanks for the response. The thing about the muscle spasms is they aren't my worst symptom. I wouldn't even mind them if I felt better mentally and emotionally. But I have them in my cheeks, I have them around my mouth and eyes, and appendages as well.

 

I'm fed up beyond fed up with how little stress I can handle without feeling like I'm going to fly off the handle and I can't make my life much easier. I wasn't like this before benzos.

 

 

I often think that I would gladly continue to endure the physical symptoms in favor of relief from the constant unease, waves of anxiety and anger.

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Thats how it went for me. None of us can be sure of anything other than we’re climbing a big mountain and you don’t suddenly arrive at the top with a beautiful view. Year 1 was weird but not as bad as year 2. Year 2 you have one foot in blue skies and one in confusion. Year 3 you’re  starting to be over the hardest part of the climb and some where in between 3 and 4  you start to see blue sky.....And stop thinking about it. It’s so boring to me i rarely bring it up in conversation. I was sick and it took a few years to heal is how i think about it.  I have close friends with ms and they can never say that.

 

The moderator has send me a message that my posts will now be monitored...hopefully this gets to you.

 

Because why? Somebody please tell me why?

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Thats how it went for me. None of us can be sure of anything other than we’re climbing a big mountain and you don’t suddenly arrive at the top with a beautiful view. Year 1 was weird but not as bad as year 2. Year 2 you have one foot in blue skies and one in confusion. Year 3 you’re  starting to be over the hardest part of the climb and some where in between 3 and 4  you start to see blue sky.....And stop thinking about it. It’s so boring to me i rarely bring it up in conversation. I was sick and it took a few years to heal is how i think about it.  I have close friends with ms and they can never say that.

 

The moderator has send me a message that my posts will now be monitored...hopefully this gets to you.

 

Because why? Somebody please tell me why?

 

If you have a question about a moderation decision please contact the Help Desk and we'll explain what led to the Pre Moderation.

 

pianogirl

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=108144.0

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It's so frustrating to have such a low tolerance for any stress or uncomfortable situation.  I hear you.  I don't have answers and I have not been going near as long as you, but I do have better days.  Better hours.  Better moments.  Often hard to notice them.
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You will heal between year 3 and 4. Keep your seatbelt on until then.

The number keeps going higher and higher

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It's so frustrating to have such a low tolerance for any stress or uncomfortable situation.  I hear you.  I don't have answers and I have not been going near as long as you, but I do have better days.  Better hours.  Better moments.  Often hard to notice them.

 

I do think I'm improving in some ways, but even coming out of this, the reason I was on benzos was because I had bad anxiety at work. Today at work, I was trying to avoid people so I wouldn't have to talk to them. That's not normal, is it? This has been going on for ten years.

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Hello boomboxboy21, I don't know if this information helps but apparently the medication flumazenil was found to be more effective than placebo in reducing feelings of hostility and aggression in patients who had been free of benzodiazepines for 4–266 weeks. The results suggest that self-rated aggression and hostility in patients treated for benzodiazepine dependency was reduced by the partial benzodiazepine agonist flumazenil.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20451546/

I also experienced anger and hostility especially when I started to taper, specifically toward family members. It was very scary experience which I could not understand of course. I have a very supportive family. Lasted for about 2-3 months.

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Even if I wanted that treatment, I would have no idea how to get it, and I seriously doubt anybody would believe what I'm going through is benzo withdrawal after two years. I live in Montana and specialized treatments like flumazenil would probably be tough to find. I had to leave my house again after getting mad at my wife when she told me her brothers were staying at our house out of nowhere. I basically have to be able to move from bed to bed to sleep so they would be taking the extra beds. Went on an hour walk from my parent's and every little sound startled me and then when I'm done the spasms start around my achilles tendons.
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Boom...you haven’t been in benzo withdrawal  for 10 years. Clearly you have rage issues and maybe benzos made it worse or better but you cannot blame something you’ve been fighting for 10 years on just benzo withdrawals.

 

For the folks that know for sure it’s benzo withdraws I think your story confuses them...

 

 

 

 

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Sorry to hear you are struggling. Symptoms will get better. The feelings of needing to jump and begin bouncing off the walls does lessen with time.

 

I did not have to work, but I continued somewhat of a routine outside my home that required I interact with people during most of this ordeal. Was it easy...no. I had to fake being normal. Not an easy thing to do given I'm not one who likes to fake anything. But these drugs do such a number on our psyche.

 

It would probably be best if you're able to play a low profile at work. If interacting is frequently required, try to condense what needs to be said....but doing so while still managing to get the important points across.

 

Family is different. I did not have to interact much with family during this ordeal. Reason for that was I was housebound during a good chunk of my recovery. Only now am I really beginning to feel human again...at my baseline pre-benzo use.

 

It really will get better...but it takes time...we need to maintain this thought or discouragement will get the better of us. Can't let benzos win out...these drugs have already taken so much from each one of us. It really is sad. Hang in there.

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[9c...]

I'm still doing very poorly despite sleeping better at 26 months off.

 

I'm struggling so bad with anger and it's everybody but it's very bad toward the people I'm close with.

 

On top of that, I have burning nerves all over my body still and constant muscle spasms.

 

I really want to know if people get better from this for real.

I have read that low levels of serotonin cause anger. You know I have that symptom too. It has improved some the last month. i am not as severe depressed like I was in winter. It was brutal. I guess I have somekind of window right now. But still have all sxs im my sign. Just less intense. I am 31 months off on sunday.

I hope you will start to feel better. I  had read some post on the protracted board. Its way to scary to read posts there.

I stick around here.

Take care!

//sundance

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Sorry to hear you are struggling. Symptoms will get better. The feelings of needing to jump and begin bouncing off the walls does lessen with time.

 

I did not have to work, but I continued somewhat of a routine outside my home that required I interact with people during most of this ordeal. Was it easy...no. I had to fake being normal. Not an easy thing to do given I'm not one who likes to fake anything. But these drugs do such a number on our psyche.

 

It would probably be best if you're able to play a low profile at work. If interacting is frequently required, try to condense what needs to be said....but doing so while still managing to get the important points across.

 

Family is different. I did not have to interact much with family during this ordeal. Reason for that was I was housebound during a good chunk of my recovery. Only now am I really beginning to feel human again...at my baseline pre-benzo use.

 

It really will get better...but it takes time...we need to maintain this thought or discouragement will get the better of us. Can't let benzos win out...these drugs have already taken so much from each one of us. It really is sad. Hang in there.

 

Thank you for your response. I have been working the entire withdrawal, even in acute when I was sleeping half hour a night. It has given me a distraction but at times I think it's why I'm so stressed and angry now. I have to keep working. I have no choice. The good news is I have summers off and my summer starts in a week and a half. I'm debating working part time because I really struggle just sitting at home with family as well. I have so much anger toward my family for no reason at all.

 

I see you are a long way off now. Did it take several years for you to start feeling human again? I've had glimpses of it, like a day here or there, but it never lasts.

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I'm still doing very poorly despite sleeping better at 26 months off.

 

I'm struggling so bad with anger and it's everybody but it's very bad toward the people I'm close with.

 

On top of that, I have burning nerves all over my body still and constant muscle spasms.

 

I really want to know if people get better from this for real.

I have read that low levels of serotonin cause anger. You know I have that symptom too. It has improved some the last month. i am not as severe depressed like I was in winter. It was brutal. I guess I have somekind of window right now. But still have all sxs im my sign. Just less intense. I am 31 months off on sunday.

I hope you will start to feel better. I  had read some post on the protracted board. Its way to scary to read posts there.

I stick around here.

Take care!

//sundance

 

It's good you are in a window. I won't join the protracted board either. It was basically just the same person posting one sentence posts after like six years off complaining. I wouldn't doubt that I have low serotonin. I exercise and don't know what else I can do about it.

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Thank you for your response. I have been working the entire withdrawal, even in acute when I was sleeping half hour a night. It has given me a distraction but at times I think it's why I'm so stressed and angry now. I have to keep working. I haeinve no choice. The good news is I have summers off and my summer starts in a week and a half. I'm debating working part time because I really struggle just sitting at home with family as well. I have so much anger toward my family for no reason at all.

 

I see you are a long way off now. Did it take several years for you to start feeling human again? I've had glimpses of it, like a day here or there, but it never lasts.

 

It is good that you have had work as a distraction. Even with "normal" people being cooped up in the house with hours of idle time is stressful and can lead to a host of unwanted results within any family unit.

 

If you can do it...it is probably a good idea to work part time, if the job is there this summer.

 

The process of feeling human was slow but sure. In the past year I have been feeling my best...feeling human. I am able to interact with people with greater confidence and ease. It is so nice. But now I have to deal with my extrovert personality, as well as others having to deal with it, and that can get annoying for everyone concerned! lol But I am enjoying the "new" me.......since I have been gone for so long.

 

You will get there too. It takes a lot of patience and doing ones best to continue living life as they knew it before benzo w/d hit them. That is no easy task...but it is well worth all the effort.

 

I am a firm believer that we should continue to use our brain even if we feel it is futile in benzo w/d. However, knowing our limits is important. Even then I feel it's better to do something than to not do anything....if it's clearly doable to begin with. Reading has been basically doable for me...and walking, most days.

 

Working full time would have been impossible for me during this ordeal and before it...I went into benzo w/d with preexisting limits...this ordeal definitively hasn't helped. Regardless, life goes on...one day at a time.

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